Just got an informal DX and feel....nothing

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So yesterday I had my dx appointment and the psychologist determined that I was a definite OCD case with probable aspergers. Im to be referred onto a specialist for a more comprehensive diagnosis.

I had a whole speech prepared beforehand on evernote. Unfortunately I didnt realise that it seems to require an internet connection to be accessed. This proved to be just as well at any rate since it allowed the psychologist to lead the proceedings. I just answered questions as they came.

Its strange I had momentary euphoria but overall I just feel... numb. My mum went through the whole it makes sense routine and we talked about how my private school penalised me for all my traits instead of helping me. My dad wont be surprised as he always suspected. We then talked about how theres OCD schizophrenia ADHD and aspergers on both sides of the family.

It was liberating for her in the sense that she can now explain why my life has taken such a turn for the worse. It has been tough for her to field questions from concerned others regarding my "fall from grace". Now she has a framework with which to explain.

Reason for this post is that I thought I would feel relief and joy because ive built identity around aspergers. I dont really have much of a sense of self but aspergers validates what little sense I do have. Its dangerous and inadvisable - of that much im aware, but still...

I dont understand my reaction. Its damned furstrating because I spent the last fw months biting my nails to the quick in frustration and worry that i'd be termed "highly sensitive" or some other belittling term - a euphemisim for "suck it up"

Is this reaction normal or am I just misjudging my emotions. I admit that I came close to tears on the phone to my mum but overall im just a blank

Feeling numb following something one has been in massive anticipation of is quite a commonly-experienced thing for many people. It's the long build up of expectations that can cause a kind of "...oh well, that's that, then..." reaction even if the news is "good" in the sense of validating, expected, what you thought or hoped, confirmation, etc.

This happens in a lot of stuff in life, not just things like getting a diagnosis on something. Even for totally "happy" events -- for example, some brides report feeling a bit "meh..." on the wedding day they'd been excitedly planning for a year -- stuff like that.

Don't worry too much about the numb, "nothing" reaction you're having. Things will sink in, I'm sure, and you'll start processing your feelings after this.


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Maybe you hope for and need help with finding a better direction. Maybe this feels like a label that says get in line and hurry up and wait. I would be scared right now, wondering what comes next, whatever label they give you. Perhaps they could answer that question if you need it answered.

My therapist has suggested that my issues are more consistant with Asperger's than Social anxiety and she adapting my CBT to fit as she does not feel that the usual CBT techniques will benefit me.

I don't really feel anything because it changes nothing.

I still don't have any friends
I still don't have a lover
I am still being pestered by the dwp to get back to work as I am in the work related group even though I am on disability...they still think I can get over my social issues, it's not a formal diagnosis and I don;t think I can get one as I don't have any family or friends or anyone and I believe you need someone for them to question about you during the diagnosis process.
There is no future or quality of life to look forward to
No love
No family
Nothing to exist for.
People still bully me and treat me like s**t and ostracise me and make me feel like I am unwanted and unlovable. Being a loving affectionate person that can hurt, especially as I dont' think it is true.

My life has not changed any, Im still trapped in hell. I just have another possible label for people to discriminate against me with.

[quote="bumble"]they still think I can get over my social issues, it's not a formal diagnosis and I don;t think I can get one as I don't have any family or friends or anyone quote]
It would be good to have some relatives to interview, but it is not required in order to get a dx. Go for it, - or at least seek up some local AS-union/center or whatever to get contact and advice.

For the OP-

My guess? You're waiting to hear FOR SURE. Hearing "It's likely" or something like that isn't full confirmation.

Even when/if you get a true diagnosis as being on the spectrum, you'll still be you, tho'. You'll still have the challenges you have now. Thing is, maybe there will be resources you can tap into that'll help you get a few things ironed out, resources you don't have now.

Wish you well.

I think it might be either waiting to be sure or that you are so overwhelmed that you shut down for a period so your emotions can process it. When I was told "I have no trouble diagnosing you as having Aspergers" I was numb. It hit me like a lightning bolt (I literally felt like waves of electricity were running through me) when I hit the street. If this is the case it might hit you latter today, next week, next month etc. or in stages.

I want your doctor.

It seems you have had quite a long time to consider the likelihood of diagnosis, and had reason to be sure of family support. So that may have given you the opportunity to subconsciously work through it somewhat in advance.

For me that may be the closest I might come to being emotionally demonstrative in such cases. I may come close to tears, but very rarely cry. It is no biggie for me; I am just something of a stiff-upper-lip kind of guy.

I felt that same numbing feeling when the Psychologist provided the verbal diagnosis (which was communicated to me and my wife in a 45 minute session following the testing).

About a week later, after receiving a 20 page written report (which went into additional details, including test scores), the numbing feeling transformed into general sadness. As I realized how this has impacted every aspect of my life.

Fortunately, I am somewhat over all of that now.

As a note, the only reason I recall this, is that I began actively journaling on a daily basis all my thoughts (some of which also get posted to WP).