Is it considered Eye Contact if you lock eyes for < 1 sec

Post Reply New Topic

I have read on this forum that there is a “7 second rule”, where you are supposed to lock eyes for a particular period of time.

If you glance at someone’s eyes (when they are looking somewhere else), but glance away (after say, < a second) after locking eyes, is this considered “marked impairments in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze”? It’s eye contact, but quite limited.

As I think about it, I look at people’s eyes, to see where they are looking. But once they look at me, I avert my eyes. Almost immediately. The act of locking eyes feels invasive -- and it makes thinking/processing quite difficult.

As a note, I remember when I was younger, I used to stare at the pretty girls (from afar). And, I followed the same pattern as described above. If they ever looked at me and our eyes locked, I would avert my eyes immediately. Of course, that is about as far as anything went. I never spoke to them. I would have no idea what to say. LOL.

I have found that in a conversation. If you are doing something like working in front of the computer. I find that doing a quick)<1 sec) glance at the person you are talking to each time at the beginning of every sentence you speak seems to work very well.

I have to look away if someone on television looks straight into the camera.

It seems an act of aggression to me, like something animals do right before they attack and kill something.

I think only being able to glance at someone for a second or less is probably an impairment. 1 second and then looking away due to discomfort is about all I can muster.

(I can make fine eye contact with the television/computer. Funny that.)

It's odd. I can stare at my dog's eyes forever. Then again, she probably has no clue what I am saying.

Yes, if you can't hold the eye contact then your ability to do it is impaired. Darting, shifty-eyed gaze is almost worse than none at all, because it makes people think you're untrustworthy.

Hmm... It's about as much eye contact I can properly manage. I don't thank there's a 7 second rule... Though I think eye contact is necessary, there's a balance of making and breaking eye contact every so often, depending on the person, situation and circumstance.

If anything... The 7 second rule sounds like the maximum before it's considered a stare... Break eye contact for 7 seconds, than another 7 second eye contact for 7 seconds. It's something I've noticed with some things.

Thanks everyone for the responses. I suppose I am trying to understand the difference between:

#1 – Watching someone’s eyes (without locking eyes) – just to see where there gaze is directed
#2 – Watching someone’s eyes (without locking eyes) – simply because you don't know where else to look (sort of like not knowing where to put your arms)
#3 – Watching someone’s eyes and then momentarily locking eyes, and then immediately looking away
#4 – Actually locking eyes, maintaining bi-directional eye lock, and continuing discussion AND THEN looking away after a certain period of time

While I haven’t really put a lot of thought into this topic, I assume that if you don’t achieve #4 (for some period of time), there is a “marked impairments in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze”. If so, what is that period of time? Is 1 second enough? More? And, whatever period of time it is, do you have to be able to lock eyes and be able to converse simultaneously (which sounds really hard, to me)?

Then, if someone does #1 or #2 or #3 a lot, is that a sign of Social Anxiety or something similar?

As a note, I have tried to observe people (strangers) in conversation, trying to ascertain if they were locking eyes and for how long. But, I felt awkward when they looked at me. So, I stopped. LOL.

7 seconds?! It's simply too long for me. Even if I force myself, I can barely sustain my eye contact for 2 seconds. And I have a pretty mild AS. I think it is very long even for NTs.

I think the whole eye contact thing either comes naturally or it doesn't.
An NT doesn't follow a 7 second rule in eye contact, they just do what comes naturally to them.
All we can do is try to imitate it the bast as we can as an individual.

Your eyes can move 3 or 4 times in 1 second, so it is eye contact if you lock eyes with someone for 1 second.

Don't worry so much about eye contact, just make sure you are getting as much information from the other person as you can manage to process. Sometimes that means looking away and listening carefully. Sometimes it means scanning the face and eyes, and not listening so hard. Sometimes it even means asking them to clarify.

Sometimes we worry too much about looking normal that we miss some of the message when we didn't have to miss it. I think it's better to seem a bit odd than to be unaware of what they are thinking and feeling. But you can often "fake it" by looking in their general direction, so they can read your face, without actually trying to read theirs. Then you can focus on their voices and words, which isn't as hard as trying to do all of it at once.

I can only give eye contact with direct family that would make sense since I've been around them long enough and not as socially expected.

Callista - Thanks for the response. I am reasonably good at listening to people. And, asking clarifying questions, when I need more information. Some would say I ask too many questions. LOL.

I suppose I am trying to understand what “marked impairments in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze” really means. It would be helpful (at least for me) to understand what the experts (whoever they are) consider "normal" eye contact between two NTs.

Maybe you could people-watch a little bit. Go to a public place, sit somewhere, and watch people interact. Most of them will be NTs.

I keep thinking my cat will attack me if she stares at me longer than five seconds. When she wants something she does.

I'm never sure when a dog will jump up and bite me. Eye contact is threatening.