okcupid Red: Replies very selectively

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sly279
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26 Jan 2014, 10:24 pm

http://geeksdreamgirl.com/2011/08/16/la ... yes-yours/

I hide any any Red dot or now rectangle women except the ones that i find super cute and though i'll never message i like to put my self into being depressed i guess lol
I'm at like 1010 hidden users and only have 10-15 possible matches now.

in the beginning i tried messaging them with well thought out messages nt just "hi, how are you" but i got nothing and then realized there's a collation between a woman i find cute and the red dot especially if they are "thin"

so whats everyone's take is it they stuck up and reject people or they just get so many "wanna F***" messages they don't bother

i think its the first, caus none of my messages mentioned sex i talked about out mutual interests and asked questions about them



buffinator
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27 Jan 2014, 12:03 am

sly279 wrote:
http://geeksdreamgirl.com/2011/08/16/ladies-your-okcupid-profile-is-a-red-light-district-yes-yours/

I hide any any Red dot or now rectangle women except the ones that i find super cute and though i'll never message i like to put my self into being depressed i guess lol
I'm at like 1010 hidden users and only have 10-15 possible matches now.

in the beginning i tried messaging them with well thought out messages nt just "hi, how are you" but i got nothing and then realized there's a collation between a woman i find cute and the red dot especially if they are "thin"

so whats everyone's take is it they stuck up and reject people or they just get so many "wanna F***" messages they don't bother

i think its the first, caus none of my messages mentioned sex i talked about out mutual interests and asked questions about them


talking about mutual interests is boring and not important at all for dating. It's dumb. Dating is all about apealing to the subconscious.

the red dot means the girl is inundated with messages btw, which is part of the reason they don't respond. Good advice is when matching filter for "online now" so they see the message right away and possibly look at your profile. Ask for a date within 5-10 messages.


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1401b
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27 Jan 2014, 12:21 am

This is one of the major problems with online dating sites, you don't talk in real time.

When you send a message you have no way of knowing what mood the recipient is in, did they have a bad day and your 'humor' text just annoys them more?
Did they have a great day and your non-humorous text make you look over serious or gloomy.
Or did it seem over clingy, or too frivolous?
Did they just get dumped, or have to deal with a male a**hole on the way home?

Many times women don't even know how they themselves feel until something sparks them, which seems kinda like juggling dynamite for many of us guyz.
(men have it easy, we just ignore most of our feelings until we can't =)

In real life, we adjust even the beginnings of our conversations to the mood cues the other person is giving off, or maybe they'll even tell us how their day went.
That means it's super easy to blow-up a text 'conversation.'

Most of the time, most guys don't really know how to break the ice with women anyway. Strike One.
So the text may seem weird or 'inappropriate" (especially for the unknown situation of when she actually reads it). Strike Two.
Now add a guy that's on the Autism spectrum. Strike Three. We're out!

Hell no I'm not going to write to someone that won't even be polite enough to write those other guys back!
I'm not that good at guesstimating what majikal phrase she's lusting to hear.


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yellowtamarin
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27 Jan 2014, 2:14 am

I don't know what colour my dot (rectangle) is, but I do know that if someone is going to send me a decent message, they should ignore the dot. I don't do what that article suggests. I only respond to messages from people I am interested in getting to know. I'd hate the "person of my dreams" to not send me a message just cos I had a red dot next to my name. They could be the one who sends me the type of message I like to read (and be the sort of person I'm looking for).

And yes, I ignore the dot when I message other people. It's irrelevant.

And yes, I expect anyone who is not interested in me to NOT reply to my message.



hale_bopp
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27 Jan 2014, 2:40 am

"Hey how are you going" Is possibly the worst message you could send someone. The only people who get replies to that are guys who look like Leonardo Decaprio.



Tim_Tex
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27 Jan 2014, 3:06 am

What's the best message? (Not that I am on any dating sites)


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sly279
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27 Jan 2014, 3:06 am

oh wups yeah inbetween just sending "hi how are you" and going to hiding them. I did send messages that were well thought out and long but not like super long. this was when i was super confident and feeling great about myself.



buffinator
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27 Jan 2014, 9:30 am

hale_bopp wrote:
"Hey how are you going" Is possibly the worst message you could send someone. The only people who get replies to that are guys who look like Leonardo Decaprio.


yeah but that is just so you can say something snaky like "how's that Oscar coming?"


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LeftWeems
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27 Jan 2014, 3:27 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
What's the best message? (Not that I am on any dating sites)

I've found that asking about interests helps. I use OKC and what I call the shotgun approach. I message a bit of girls knowing that chances are rare I'll get a reply.



Tim_Tex
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27 Jan 2014, 3:29 pm

LeftWeems wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
What's the best message? (Not that I am on any dating sites)

I've found that asking about interests helps. I use OKC and what I call the shotgun approach. I message a bit of girls knowing that chances are rare I'll get a reply.


That's what I did when I was on there.


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Dox47
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27 Jan 2014, 5:30 pm

I wouldn't worry too much about the bar, the nature of the beast is that women on dating sites tend to get deluged, and it's not unusual for them not to respond to the majority of the junk sent their way. Just send the message and hope for the best, if she's interested, she's interested, and if not, you burned a minimal amount of time.


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buffinator
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27 Jan 2014, 9:21 pm

I've had the most success when I don't look at their profile before messaging untill the 2nd or third message. For one connecting on a mutual interest isn't attention grabbing which is what you really want. 2) looking at their profile to much may get you overly excited to meet them and you will feel worse when it doesn't happen.

ALSO!! ! you can message people who have ignored you before! wait a few weeks and try again with a different approach. If they didn't respond they wont remember you anyways and it may just have been a bad day or too much competition before. If they really are disinterested they will hide/block you. Make sure to use a new message thread though!


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sly279
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27 Jan 2014, 9:26 pm

so you send a message based soley on their looks?
what do you say?



buffinator
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27 Jan 2014, 10:03 pm

sly279 wrote:
so you send a message based soley on their looks?
what do you say?


Its a little more than that. Do the match search and specify "online right now" and then go through and rate some people 4 or 5 stars you find attractive. If they rate you back and you get a notification you are golden.

Otherwise I generally restrict myself either to looks or possibly a glance at the summary, most private thing, and message me if section reading no more than 3 lines total. Generic pickup-lines haven't been very successful but that can vary. So for example coming up with a good "will you be my valentine" line for feb might be good to shotgun. My successful shotgun was that my new years resolution was to meet a cute girl and ask her out, which got me 8 numbers and 4 dates (but nothing conclusive since, I have a date next saturday). EDIT: BTW NEVER tell a girl that the message wasn't just for her. Girls want to feel special. I made that mistake on one of the dates (I was tipsey) and the look for disappointment that came over her face made me feel really bad about it.

this is an example from the scanning technique where we mutually "liked" each other.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
88% Match 81% Friend 7% Enemy
ME: Hey! What do you call two socially awkward people chatting on OKCupid? -- This is the reference to a line from her profile, she said she was awkward
XX: Ha, this?
ME: Perfect for each other!
ME: Wanna grab a coffee? We can have an awkward silence competition, Bet I'd win!
XX: Ha, it's on
Me: 2PM Saturday work? If not how about Sunday?
[location]
(there is a Starbucks literally right across the street which I find hilarious).
(I know this is obvious, but this is how greetings work)
Hi! I'm [ME] btw! :D
XX: I'm booked this weekend, sorry! I could do next Saturday? and I'm Katie :)
ME: Sounds good! Now, should we begin the awkward-off by not being able to think of anything to message each other for a week and wing it when we actually meet or try and do some of that boring "getting to know you" stuff? If we want to go easy mode we could just spam each other with increasingly complex emoticons.
XX: I choose the emoticon option.
:-<
Walrus
Me: oh crap... my bluff has been called!
>:|>
Srs face with a goatee
***she signs off***
ETC ETC ETC
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The convo is lighthearted, I know she is attracted to me and she specifically helped choose a good time for her and rescheduled. Hopefully a good thing, now I just have to hold her interest until then. I want to point out however that I am not going after models and while I rated her a 4 my primary goal right now is to build social skills. I'm really frustrated because I actually met a girl I had chemistry with but I feel like I screwed because she kept talking to me for about a week and then nothing. / no second date.

*spoilers, I f****d it up by posting this:
------o----|==
-O//-----O|-=|
-|-------------|
/\-------------|

guy playing basketball

which was a bit overcompetative of me and interrupted the inane banter so now I have to figure out something else*


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TheGoggles
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27 Jan 2014, 10:31 pm

Quote:
ME: Wanna grab a coffee? We can have an awkward silence competition, Bet I'd win!


I have to admit, this was pretty good.