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hihowareyou
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27 Jan 2014, 11:51 pm

I was depressed through out my teens and early twenties. This lead me to be pretty ugly on the outside and insecure on the inside. I have been doing a lot of modifications in my life to become the person I always wanted to be.

I have been getting different responses. I’m getting positive remarks on my looks for sure but also getting some jealously vibes too. I’m becoming a lot more confident and everyone around me seems to try to bring me down. My goal is to be humble, not cocky, but I’m just tired of being insecure.

What should I say to people that are negative? They literally want to treat me like a door mat.

How long does it take for people to take you serious and accept the person you are trying to become? Will the change be harder for people that only have known you in a negative part of your life?



briankelley
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28 Jan 2014, 12:09 am

I did a complete changeover a couple of years ago with mixed reviews. Just remember you can't please everyone, so sometimes you have to settle with just pleasing yourself. Whatever avenue you take to become you, just be a nice person. I believe that's what counts the most and outshines everything else. To those who are negative, I do one of three things. I just ignore them. I give them a deadpan look as if they're kinda kooky or smiling at someone as if you find whatever they're saying is amusing. These days I've become stoic and apathetic enough, to where I tend to let whatever is said go unacknowledged. Being friendly and not giving a crap; it works for me.



ezbzbfcg2
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28 Jan 2014, 1:47 am

briankelley wrote:
I did a complete changeover a couple of years ago with mixed reviews. Just remember you can't please everyone, so sometimes you have to settle with just pleasing yourself.


Sounds like Ricky Nelson from "Garden Party":

Well, it's all right now
I learned my lesson well
See, you can't please everyone
So, you got to please yourself


Anyway, why did you feel the need to complete change yourself. What were you like before and what are you like now? Better, worse? Do you feel you're truer to yourself now, or are you faking being someone new.

No criticism, genuine curiosity.



briankelley
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28 Jan 2014, 7:00 am

ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
briankelley wrote:
I did a complete changeover a couple of years ago with mixed reviews. Just remember you can't please everyone, so sometimes you have to settle with just pleasing yourself.


Sounds like Ricky Nelson from "Garden Party":

Well, it's all right now
I learned my lesson well
See, you can't please everyone
So, you got to please yourself


Dang, another song writing someone beat me too :P

ezbzbfcg2 wrote:
Anyway, why did you feel the need to complete change yourself. What were you like before and what are you like now? Better, worse? Do you feel you're truer to yourself now, or are you faking being someone new.

No criticism, genuine curiosity.


I really don't know what triggered it exactly. Before I was extremely conservative and plain. Now I am unconventional and unique. I think I'm much truer to myself these days. I'm not trying to fit in any longer by any stretch of the imagination. It was more a matter of me becoming myself. But of course everyone saw it as a transformation into something new. It caused a stir for a while, but now everyone is totally used to it, and it's been a while since anyone's made a comment about it.



Marky9
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28 Jan 2014, 9:13 am

Congratulations on having the courage to change ! !

I have done a makeover or two over the years as I have grown and changed as a person. It is quite insightful and rewarding to attempt an evaluation of my inner self and then develop an out-picturing of that. I like it when I look into a mirror and see someone who looks on the outside like I feel on the inside.

hihowareyou wrote:
... getting some jealously vibes too.


Yep that happens; it comes with the territory. It means you must be doing it right :) Hence the basis for the popular saying: "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful".

hihowareyou wrote:
Will the change be harder for people that only have known you in a negative part of your life?


My experience: yes. Sometimes I have had to put a bit of distance between myself and those that want to hold me back in life.


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