Best Insults you've ever Delivered

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I was working for an Auction house and we were picking up some consignments from a house, and one of the guys started talking about this story about how he was in a bar drinking beers when his friend said "I'm not gay but I would rape a skinhead" and it was really weird like he was like, that is gay, despite you saying that "I'm not gay." And then he showed how nothing you say after "I'm not gay but..." makes it gay regardless.

So then we get back and he puts a big heavy box on my lap and says, "you don't mind taking that right?" And then he says "You're such a good boy."

Then I replied.

"I'm not gay but you can suck on my balls."

I don't like to be insulted and I try my best NOT to insult others.

I've only pulled this off once, but as a come back, I told the person that they were a dick and they should call their mother to let her know how successful they were at being a dick so their mother could congratulate them. I didn't word it like this, but it came off perfectly. It was my finest moment.