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qawer
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31 Jan 2014, 3:08 pm

I do not intend to offend anyone with this post.

But is it true that all people with Aspergers Syndrome, without exception, are "beta"-males/females in the social hierarchy/dating scene (because of being social outcasts/having pervasive developmental disorders)?

Meaning we are basically considered to lie at the bottom of society, being what you may call failures.


I am only trying to get a grip of how "the average social person" sees us in that regard?



Last edited by qawer on 31 Jan 2014, 3:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

JSBACHlover
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31 Jan 2014, 3:10 pm

Yep. We are on the lower rungs of the social hierarchy -- unless we have some amazing skill that and NT or a group of NTs recognize. Then we're at the top. But alas, this is only reserved for Temple Grandin. The rest of us are pond scum socially.



qawer
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31 Jan 2014, 3:13 pm

How does one deal with being (considered) a failure/loser? Disregard the social hierarchy, and try to live life on your own terms?



RedEnigma
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31 Jan 2014, 3:18 pm

I suppose I have quite often been the "beta" of a friend group.
The issue with me is, friendships, specifically "groups" are built on complex, unspoken social rules, which I, without knowing about them in my youth, would trundle on in and cause a breakdown of these groups because I wasn't aware of and didn't follow the social rules.
Virtually every friend "group" I have been a part of has collapsed as soon as I have entered it.

This doesn't bother me, however, as far as I see it, if you friendship is built of deceit and subservience, it isn't a healthy friendship.

Now, when a friend group has formed around me, I've usually become the matriarchal adviser to the group.
Now, this starts to fall apart when another female attempts to challenge my position, mainly because when I am verbally attacked with *small snippy comments* I usually let them slide (mostly because I cannot be bothered dealing with such pettiness, but also due to the fact that unless I focus quite hard on what was said, I don't see it as insulting) that is when the group starts to fall apart.

I am an adviser to my friends. I give them advice and support when needed, another person attempted to take that role and couldn't for-fill it, causing that group to implode.



Willard
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31 Jan 2014, 3:20 pm

qawer wrote:
How does one deal with being (considered) a failure/loser? Disregard the social hierarchy, and try to live life on your own terms?



Or you could spend your entire life flagellating yourself and feeling like a POS based on what you think other people think, and hating yourself for not living up to their standards and expectations. :roll:

But that's not very conducive to productivity. Looks to me like you answered your own question.

Be who you are. F__k 'em if they don't like it. :twisted:

I mean, really, after all, that's all you CAN do. :shrug:



The_Walrus
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31 Jan 2014, 3:22 pm

qawer wrote:

But is it true that all people with Aspergers Syndrome, without exception, are "beta"-males/females in the social hierarchy/dating scene (because of being social outcasts/having pervasive developmental disorders)?

No.



JSBACHlover
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31 Jan 2014, 3:26 pm

Well, dating is an odd mixture of odd people. Anyone can have sex with anyone else. That's not the point.

But we Aspies do, indeed, have to be "in" the world but not "of" the world, in order to be happy.

I'm a religious man. In the next world, such hierarchies will not exist.



AdamAutistic
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31 Jan 2014, 4:36 pm

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Last edited by AdamAutistic on 31 Jan 2014, 8:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

babybird
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31 Jan 2014, 4:40 pm

I don't do dating anyway, so it doesn't really bother me. I don't feel left out.


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31 Jan 2014, 4:43 pm

Can't be an Alpha because I lack the social integrity of leading others. Not really a beta either because I follow "alphas" just out of gains. More of a lone hunter who doesnt have a choice to live in a pack for survival.

That makes me the smartest of all 3 if you ask me. :O



Ettina
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31 Jan 2014, 4:49 pm

Quote:
But is it true that all people with Aspergers Syndrome, without exception, are "beta"-males/females in the social hierarchy/dating scene (because of being social outcasts/having pervasive developmental disorders)?


Not always. I've heard of a lucky few who manage to be quite popular, when given the right support. But usually that is the case.



Basso53
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31 Jan 2014, 4:57 pm

qawer wrote:
I do not intend to offend anyone with this post.

But is it true that all people with Aspergers Syndrome, without exception, are "beta"-males/females in the social hierarchy/dating scene (because of being social outcasts/having pervasive developmental disorders)?

Meaning we are basically considered to lie at the bottom of society, being what you may call failures.


I am only trying to get a grip of how "the average social person" sees us in that regard?


I don't know how old you are, but you strike me as being young. I'd probably be old, to you.

There's this thing you learn as you get older, and that's the fact that the only people that are worth having as friends, are those who will accept you as you are, and who will see your worth as a human being. People who are what you call the alphas of the social/dating scene are often very shallow people, sometimes narcissistic, without much depth of character. It's hard to go through adolescence and your 20s being lonely and feeling like a fish out of water. I understand that. I've experienced it. For most of us, it does get better.

As far as being failures, there are millions of people with Asperger's who are quite successful in their chosen careers. I'm one of them.


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GinBlossoms
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31 Jan 2014, 5:32 pm

Yes, and anyone with ASD who at least tries to improve their social position in society/dating is considered a sellout...similar to the black community.



Basso53
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31 Jan 2014, 5:44 pm

GinBlossoms wrote:
Yes, and anyone with ASD who at least tries to improve their social position in society/dating is considered a sellout...similar to the black community.


And once again, it's always a mistake to try to live your life according to others' opinions and expectations. Stop caring about what your "peers" may think, and live your life for yourself. If you really want to be a lemming, keep on living for your status in some sort of perceived community. It's one thing to avoid trying to improve your position because you're frightened to do so, or because you honestly don't want to and prefer being alone, and that is not being a failure. It's being true to yourself. but to do it because it's what you feel is "expected" of you by the ASD community is wrong. We are not immune from envy of others' successes, you know. Lack of empathy is a common ASD trait. And some of us can be as shallow as any classic narcissist. We're individuals, not a herd.


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Verdandi
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31 Jan 2014, 6:54 pm

I don't think there is any such thing as "alphas" or "betas" and I think that focusing on such notions is misleading and likely to end up nowhere good.