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Blue Jay
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Joined: 28 Mar 2018
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06 Apr 2018, 6:45 am

justRob wrote:
you can call that high functioning if you want, but to me there's something twisted and messed up about the whole term.

I'm finding myself in a similar situation to you. Outwardly, I'm high-functioning. I could pass for an NT, and the ways I handle my limitations mere expressions of eccentricity. Inwardly, I'm deeply concerned with the inauthentic nature of my everyday persona, something runs so deep I couldn't even identify it as a problem until recently. I work for 12-14 hours a day, do everything I can to optimise my life, and enjoyed years of social success earlier, when I was part of the "cool boys club". But gradually a voice inside grew stronger, saying: "This is not the real you."

These days I consider the only major success I have in life to be my marriage. We've been a couple for almost 8 years now and married for 2. Granted, it's not long, but I'm proud of it. I could find someone who valued me for who I truly am, and someone I try to value in the same way. I can't imagine living without her, and sometimes even suspected she might be on the spectrum, too -- it seemed too smooth the way we could communicate and understand each other's feelings. But I've come to understand she's not, and that the "NT pool" is huge and diverse. Maybe I've just been lucky.

In terms of the way people commonly define success, then, yes, I've had that, but I really just want to get away from it and be myself, not an "image". Even my parents have trouble understanding this. They boast to people about me in a way that I accept, but also leaves me cold. I'm not a trophy. I realise I might sound like a spoiled, privileged brat, but I hope people here can understand the agony of spending years and years of "masking" just to get something you don't really want. I mean, those 12 hours at work are basically 12 hours I could've spent doing something I love or being with someone I love, like my wife, but I keep grinding them because that's the path my mask has led to, and I'm not strong enough to drop it and show myself.

If such behaviour equals high-functioning then I wonder what my function is.



nick007
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09 May 2018, 7:52 am

I have other mental & physical disabilities in addition to my Aspergers. My autism would be classified as fairly high functioning but I'm low functioning with life. I'm 35 & I've only worked about 38 months despite my best efforts to find employment; I'm on Social Security Disability. I lived with my parents till I moved in with my girlfriend at 30. I have two exes & we were only together about 6 months each. I was lonely sense the 1st realtionship ended at 20 but I was single most of that time despite my best efforts to find someone. I've known my current girlfriend between 6 months & a year before we moved in together(I forget exactly how many months it was). I never had many friends & have been a loaner & homebody all my life. I cant drive cuz my vision is too bad. I'm alot more independent sense I moved in with my girlfriend but I still don't feel comfortable taking the bus by myself & I mostly go to places on my own that I can walk to & I go to the same places regularly instead of walking different directions to different places. I cant cook much at all so my girlfriend does the majority of it. I'm also pretty bad at managing my money rite now.


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giveen
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: 8 May 2018
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14 May 2018, 10:05 am

It wasn't till we got a diagnosis for my autistic boy and were doing the paperwork for all that we realized that it may apply to me as well. I did a few tests and thought a lot about my life and realized that I may be on the spectrum. I even went to a special ed class when I was a young boy and when I told the psychiatrist what were taught in the class she said "Oh yeah, it sounds like you were being taught social skills". This was back in the early 90's.

I have a degree, I handle most situations quite well, but when I get stressed those guards I placed in my life go down and I start displaying signals that something was different about me. I have a wife and kids, own a home, and appear to be successful and stable but a lot of its a front I put on.



shortfatbalduglyman
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14 May 2018, 3:27 pm

High functioning"?

No job. Long term unemployed. No job skills.

No precious lil "friends"

Get tired a lot

Physically and emotionally

Got driver's license. Drive pretty badly

Hold grudges a long time



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Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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Joined: 15 May 2018
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Posts: 56
Location: Rural East

16 May 2018, 12:28 pm

I do consider myself high functioning but I wasn't always. I was diagnosed in 3rd grade and had quite a bit of therapy and counseling my whole life until maybe a year or two ago so I think that's helped me a lot.
Socially I'm for sure quite a bit behind most neurotypical people but I have my license, I have a few friends and I just got hired for my first job so I'm pretty content with where I'm at and don't see myself changing much more.


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Spooky_Mulder
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15 Jun 2018, 8:58 am

I’m defined as high functioning, but it doesn’t feel that way. I’d say I’m moderate. High functioning are those who can more easily make friends and relationships as though doing so is normal - I don’t understand people that much.



Hangfire
Butterfly
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Joined: 29 May 2018
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Posts: 16
Location: USA

23 Jun 2018, 10:55 am

I suppose I'm high functioning but its never been easy. Only diagnosed this year as I was completing college. i've lived on my own for 5 years and am good at the technical aspects of life like paying bills, making career decisions but socially I never can maintain more than one friend at a time. School, work and maintaining independence is difficult because of the social aspects of work and cooperation. I also would've taken less classes at a time had i been diagnosed sooner since i take longer to learn but once i do it's almost photographic. I'm high functioning as long as i can arrange life in a way that works for me with lots of solitude and pursuing my interest.