I work at the High-School-Cliquey-Gossip Mine <vent>

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I don't post on here a real lot anymore, when I do it's either to vent when I've got no one to vent to, or to get advice from other Aspies to see if it's just my problem or if others have encountered it. This is a long vent so you don't need to read it all. Feel free to post frustrating stories about your workplace too!

Background info: If you happen to remember any old posts of mine, don't read this.
I work at a processing plant of a large mine which is in a remote area and therefore all the people at the mine and plant live in the mining community, while they're at work, and go home once their shift's over. Our community is basically a ghost town except for the mine, the plant, the food hall where we all eat which is an old hotel, the pub, the gym and the people who live here. If this makes no sense, Google Australian "fly in fly out" or FIFO mines. I used to work in a small depot in the mine itself, too, so I know a lot of people here even though it's a massive minesite.

I love my job but living and working with the people here can sometimes bring me right down. At least my plant machines don't patronise me! Lots of things happen here which really really annoy me, and I let them go and try to ignore them, but yesterday's thing was the last straw and I'm feeling pretty bad today. So I'm going to vent.

So, most people here drink way too much and seeing the mine doesn't care too much about this, nearly everyone goes to the pub every single night. I try not to go to the pub because I end up getting into fights with people because they don't understand me or can't tell that my sense of humour is different to theirs or think if I'm day dreaming I'm ignoring them. They also get offended if I decline an invitation to go to the pub and they tell me I'm boring and have no life. I don't care about that usually. So anyway, yesterday I was eating tea in the hotel when two of the rare other females came in, my Ex Boss and a Research Girl from her depot (see my post on my crazy boss if you want more info). EB and RG are good friends when they're not having bitchy fights with each other which involve yelling and swearing and 'not talking to each other,' and they act like girls used to act when I was in high school. They're both grown women, I'm younger than both of them. RG always asks me to go to the pub with her when she's got no other friends to go with because she won't go by herself (she won't do anything by herself) and then she peppers the conversation with bitchy comments to me about my diet, my general appearance and my fashion (we all have to wear the same mine gear anyway...that's how stupid it is). Anyway, I also do art and like to go for walks and am reading a novel so would rather do them than get drunk with mine workers and talk about the mine, and RG asked me out on a fancy dinner to the nearest town (when they get sick of the mine camp the managers and people go to the tiny almost ghost town 2 hours drive away which basically just has a pub no different to our pub), also on the dinner thing was a person called D who has slept with all women at the mine except for a manager, my coworker and me, and maybe EB, at least I don't think he has. D thinks he's amazing to women and used to walk up to me and demand I do things for him but I'd ask how or why and he'd get angry at me, and he rings me up just to try to prove I don't apparently know what I'm doing in the plant. Last time he rang up he asked me a stupid question about a piece of plant equipment and he had no idea, but pretended on the phone I had no idea about it so I told him to bugger off and his boss came over to the plant and had to talk with me about not arguing with D. Anyway, so because D and RG sleep together even though they're both married, they tell each other everything and she knew about the fight we had and asked if I was sulking about that. I said I wasn't and I was busy.

So, the next night at dinner RG asked if I wanted to go to our community's pub and I said no, then the next night we had a heap of things happen in the mine and plant so EB, who I'm on good terms with, asked me if I wanted to go to the pub and I felt like sitting down and having a drink and a chat with her I said yes, then RG said in front of everyone at the table "why do you only go if EB's going?"

At the pub, I was sitting around with RG, EB, D, T: a guy who got so mad at me once because I disagreed with a method he used that he made all his bosses come over to the plant to talk to me, and M who is my brother's friend who works at the mine. I'm not a very big person and get drunk very easily, and I also drink stronger beer than the light and midstrength beer most people out here drink. I had more to drink than everyone else and was slightly tipsy and RG and I got talking about the mine and we got very vocal about it but I didn't think she was mad at me, then I said I was going back to the lodge to sleep because when I get drunk I talk about work too much, and as I left M laughed at me and said 'yeah....drunk off two beers.' I had actually had more than 2 but he came into the pub later.

I thought all was well but heading to work, I stopped at the gatehouse to sign in and EB was there and ran up to me saying 'I heard you and RG got into a fight!' and apparently when I left, RG stormed out because I said something to her which she didn't like but I honestly don't remember saying anything offensive. So now all that depot's angry with me, and RG, EB, D and T all hate me and M thinks I'm an idiot...M was one of the few people I got along with.

This happens nearly every time I go to the pub, I'll say something as a joke, or just add a few words into a conversation, or even just look at someone strange and all of a sudden I've had a go at someone, or I'm angry at someone, or I don't like someone. When I don't go to the pub or hang out with any of them they say I'm weird and antisocial and everything. RG even got mad at me once for being single and not sleeping with anyone at the mine, and once someone on my old crew nearly physically fought me because I called them a store clerk...and they were a store clerk, and I had nothing against store clerks, and there's nothing wrong with them or anything! My coworker who loves to talk about herself all the time is terrified of the manager of RG and EB's depot, one of the middle managers who I know always comments on what eat and when I joked back about what he ate he got angry with me. What is wrong with people here?! Oh, and 50% of the men here don't talk to girls unless they're going to sleep with them, or unless they're staring at your chest while talking to you.

People say to separate work with life, and your colleagues aren't your friends and all of that, but it's so hard sometimes when you work and live with the same people, you try to be nice to them but they take you the wrong way. I'm so sick of the politics here and the only person I can trust, my closest friend who is a mine worker, is on leave.

Hi.
I think that your frustrations are valid. I have been working in a very clique-y town at a very sexist establishment where everyone has known everyone since high school. I'm quitting due to panic attacks and feeling overly stressed with legal issues on top of ptsd, the works.
I don't really know what kind of advice you want though?

If I were you, I'd take my art/novel into the pub and separate myself from the whole group, claiming my barspace and drink and proclaim that I needed "introvert" time. I suppose you could also sincerely apologize to RG and ask her what made her upset. Usually, when I tell someone that I didn't know that I offended them, they'll talk about me behind my back for a few days, then at least things will be less difficult in the immediate day to day procedures.

Either way, good luck and I commend you on your ability to put up with their antics.

I'm NT, but I've worked in a place like that before, and it was AWFUL. Someone described to me once what it's like to have a rotten tooth that needs to be pulled. How it slowly creeps up on you and before you know it you're in pain all the time. You don't realize how miserable you've been until the tooth is pulled, then you feel instant relief. This was JUST how I felt in that cliquey environment. And I'm one of those people who I would call super neurotypical because I'm chatty, expressive and interested in all kinds of social things.

Cliquey people do well for a short time, but the people who really thrive are those mousey forgettable types who never say anything clever and don't stand out either positively or negatively.