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hihowareyou
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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05 Feb 2014, 2:01 pm

Also known as Age/Sex/Location.

I'm in my mid 20s. I felt pretty normal until about Sophomore year when everyone else seemed to be maturing at a much faster rate. They were driving, drinking and partying. I didn't really do any of that until I turned 21. In general I find being an adult aspie much tougher than it was for me growing up as a kid.

As a male I feel like I have the extra pressure to have a good job and social status. I have been told I'm good looking but I have noticed that being a good looking male aspie is useless unless you have the proper social skills. I have met some really good looking female aspies that get by with their looks alone. As they say, guys are more shallow.

I've lived enough places to notice the difference. I think the north is very rough on people with disabilities any time I go back down south I get treated with dignity. I don't know why but people up north are much more concerned with how they are viewed so they don't hang out with people that could embarrass them or tarnish their reputation. In the south people are more laid back and just want everyone to have a good time.

At least this is my experience.

How about yours?



Aspendos
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05 Feb 2014, 2:51 pm

What's your location? Are we talking about London vs Glasgow, or New Orleans vs Chicago, or Cape Town vs Oslo?



hihowareyou
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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05 Feb 2014, 3:32 pm

I'm in the US of A.



wetsail
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05 Feb 2014, 3:53 pm

hihowareyou wrote:
Does Age matter?


Absolutely.

Age is a rough metric for where you should be, in terms of social and career progress. Some people will judge you negatively or positively depending on how much you've progressed on a given career, education, or social path by a certain age. I find that these people are those who tend to be either surprisingly fortunate in their personal lives, out of touch with the nature of the world at the moment, or both. We find ourselves in the midst of a recession, which, along with the evolving nature of adulthood, and the new social category of "emerging adults" (that is, adults 18-27 years of age), make the world a much more complicated place to progress in, especially on a rigid, linear timetable.

So, does age matter? To some people, as I said, absolutely. But should you care about what those people think, given that they are relying on outdated information and social constructs? Absolutely not.

hihowareyou wrote:
Does Sex matter?


Again, absolutely.

I'm assuming you mean sex, as in the nature of the stuff between your legs, as opposed to gender, but both matter, in their own way. As a male, you're expected to follow more of a leadership, self-determining role. People will never vocalize this, and if asked will say that they expect the same things from both males and females, but subtle unspoken social biases cause others, especially those in older generations, to expect men to be able to handle themselves, to be more emotionally resilient, and to often lead rather than follow. Females have entirely different unspoken social expectations that are similar yet completely different, and both seriously hinder members of the respective genders that don't fit in to their gender binary stereotypes.

So, again, does sex matter? Yep. And, as above, should you care about people who will judge you, based on your ability or inability to fit into the constraints they've defined for your sex? Nope, nope, nope.

hihowareyou wrote:
Does Location matter?


Yes, and unlike the others, you should absolutely care about this one.

The prevailing culture of different locations, as well as more obvious, substantial things like local laws, social programs, and even climates, can directly impact your happiness and sense of well-being. If you are in an area that prizes social justice over conformity, you might find it easier to exist as someone on the spectrum, especially if that area is used to individuals with ASD. The coasts of America (well, really mostly the west coast, and occasional chunks of the east) are your best bet for finding solid acceptance, as coastal regions tend to get wider cross-sections of people moving through and setting in them, giving residents a broader, more inclusive view of humanity. Your north/south experiences are ones unfamiliar to me, but the best advice I can give is to live where you are most comfortable, where you notice people accept you the most, and you're most able to participate socially and professionally in the world around you.

Hope this helps.



Ashariel
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05 Feb 2014, 5:39 pm

I might be misinterpreting the question, but I find it helpful to know people's A/S/L when talking to them online, because it helps me to put their experiences in context.

Someone who has given up on the idea of ever getting married, or having a job, or kids – if they're 50, I won't question their decision, but if they're 15, I'd try to encourage them not to give up so soon. Knowing a person's gender is relevant in certain situations, and helps me to know whether to refer to them as 'he' or 'she'. Location is relevant in terms of what opportunities might be available for them, in their area. So here on the forum at any rate, I find A/S/L useful information to know and share!

But I think I may have misunderstood the question, so if I have... Oops, sorry! :P