What if you'd gotten the support you needed as a child?

Post Reply New Topic

If you had been diagnosed and treated as a young child, you may have ended up like me, where I sought to cut off all support and put autism behind me, only to run into a wall when you actually try to accomplish any real goals in your life.

That's hard. I might have to think for a while but I believe I might have been able to get help filling out papers for college and financial aid and have gone to school before now.

As for things actually turned out, well it was obvious I needed help. But no one knew about Asperger's back then so they had no way of treating the whole problem, they just addressed the problems I had individually.

Add to that dad was a Marine, and some schools were better than others. And I was often placed in classes way below my level because of my behavioral issues. I learned a lot about compassion in those classes but every thing else I had to teach myself after mom taught me to read.

Add to that a father who resented me from the day I was born a girl and hated me for my disabilities. He stopped beating us when I was 9 and told him I'd call the cops (he knew I wasn't bluffing) but continued to emotionally and mentally abuse us and I didn't have the verbal skills or even the awareness of what was really going on to communicate it to any of my therapists. I asked to be placed in foster care a few times but they wouldn't take me seriously and I couldn't marshal my thoughts to make my case.

Things may have been so different if only instead of putting me on spot to explain myself verbally I'd been given pen and paper and sent to time out to think about it. When put on the spot I'd look down and say "I don't know." Because I honestly didn't at any given moment, but give me time to think and a pen and I can give you a three page essay on what I was thinking.

I appreciate hearing everyone's answers!

I'm not sure if I understand the argument that it's pointless to ask 'what if', or try to learn from one's past... I guess it's one of those things, it's probably true for some people, but different for others!

In my own case, I definitely see my life as a series of cataclysmic life choices, all of which were doomed to fail. And understanding that in retrospect helps me to not repeat my mistakes, and to make better decisions in the future. So this exercise has absolutely been useful to me, and has helped me to understand that it wasn't my fault that my entire life has been a massive train wreck – but that 'train wreck' was the only possible outcome, given the woefully misinformed choices I was making all along. Choices that would have been right for an NT, but could never work for a person with my specific challenges.

But I'm grateful to finally understand my issues, and know my limitations. I feel like I've spent my entire life being told that if I flap my arms hard enough, I'll eventually fly... And I finally realize that's never going to work, because my anatomy is simply not built that way. So I can spend my time and energy in more productive ways, and maybe finally succeed at something, instead of constantly failing.

At the very least, I'm happy that the confusing train-wreck phase of my life is behind me, and that I'm able to proceed from here at a pace and level of challenge that I can actually handle!

I was diagnosed early and I don't think I'm doing well at all. All the "support" I got just made me feel subhuman. I'm not even sure if I got diagnosed correctly. I hope I was misdiagnosed. If I were misdiagnosed I would be able to have hope.

If I had received support as a child for every thing I struggled with, I'd be an over privileged brat that expected the universe to wipe my bottom when ever I s**t myself. While it is true that I am some what broken and was bullied to the point of being beaten, I learned the world can suck hard. I learned what reality could be in a way that some adults don't even know. I learned to attack right back if bullies were on my tail. My bullies left me alone after I stood up to them and beat a guy until one of his teeth broke. They knew I wasn't going to take s**t anymore, just like I don't take s**t today. It's one thing to help your child out occasionally, but giving them this false world were everyone respects you just isn't true. The world is out to crush your soul into powder, and its up to you (not your family), to punch back and tell the world "Stop defining my actions! I'm not your ****** so stop treating me like one!"

I know I'm ranting a bit but the role of the government, care takers, and parents isn't to protect you from everything forever. After a point, you just have to find a niche or survival skill and take on the world by yourself. I am not terribly ambitious myself, but I no longer live with my parents, eat at least 3 vegetables or fruits every day, and brush my teeth at night. I feel being shown what the world is like formed me into a better person instead of being coddled. I can't imagine how needy I would sound if I assumed the world still had to wipe my ass whenever I crapped.

Alright I'm ready for the hate. *hides behind internet hate shield*

I think that I might have been limited by others if I had been diagnosed as a child.

If I had been the autistic child who didn't speak, then the teachers might have held me back from learning at the high level and fast pace that I needed to develop my mind. Instead, I was the gifted child who didn't speak, so the teachers set up a special education plan for me to learn in my way.

I'm 40 and was just diagnosed last year. I've actually been thinking about this a lot lately and it seems like a double edged sword. Sure, I could have used a clue of what was wrong. Looking back, I can clearly see how Asperger's affected me socially in high school, college and work (to an extent). However, not knowing any better, I just plowed through and made the best life for myself that I could. I'm thinking that an earlier diagnosis would have just held me back.

I have made a lot of mistakes in my marriage and with my kids that I regret and wish I could do over, but I can't. I can only make the best of things going forward.

When I was young, if I had the knowledge, well, I don't know if I would have had the wisdom to apply it.

To the original OP; you are 42 years old! You probably have a good 2/3 of your adult life left.[or more] You are young and have plenty of time to fail and fail and fail and then succeed and then recreate your life again a number of times. 42 is the new "what do I want to do when I grow up."

I think I did based on the fact I made it so far without any label.