So what is the future.....?

Post Reply New Topic

I help with my aspie granddaughter who is 15 years old. At the moment she has a quite a limited education as she can't manage school, although she has just started college one day a week and that seems to be going quite well.

However, she has multiple issues (limited eating, inability to do anything independently, anxiety, depression, anger, to name a few) and I wonder what the future holds.

At the moment I can't see any way that she could become independent but when I read forums/Facebook, etc. there just seems to be two kinds of post....the ones from parents whose children seem to struggle at least as badly as my granddaughter, and those from adult aspies who do seem to be managing. What happens in between? Do the children who struggle so badly suddenly mature so that they can manage or are the adult aspies on here people who were always destined to be able to manage? If the latter is the case what happens to the children like my granddaughter?

I hope I have expressed myself clearly - I suppose I am looking for some kind of hope that things can and do improve.

Hello there. Welcome to WP.

I had eating disorder, anger, depression, anxiety and all kinds of things.

I also had very little education and I went to a residential school.

I was a late developer both physically and emotionally but I am ok.

I have my own place, I live independently and I hold down a job.

Life isn't a walk in the park for anyone but if you stick at it, it is possible to succeed at your own rate.

I wish you and your family all the best.

I didn't know I was AS until I was 41. before hand. I had to get to know myself and adapt my lifestyle accordingly to my need and that meant doing things that most NT would define as weird. The thing that hurt me the most as an aspie is the social skills issues I have. Social skills and sensory overloading are 2 big issues for aspies and it causes a lot of us to retreat from the world.

it is unknown if i will be able to make it on my own or not. and my parents are resigned to the fact that i may be living with them for the rest of their lives and then live as an adult in a care facility. i am pretty independent these days, but i still need a lot of assistance for someone my age. But there are lots of programs to help special needs adults, and another option is that i would become room mates with another special needs person.
But it seems like most of the adults here have managed to carry on an independent adult life, despite a lot of difficulties.

Thank you for the replies (and the welcome!)

I suppose the main hurdle to overcome is the deep fear that leads to the inability to do anything independently.

It sounds as if you all have a level of independence and maybe that is what we need to focus on in developing.

So, the next question - was that independence always within you naturally or was it part of a learning process? If it was part of a learning process, was anything that you can think of particularly successful?

Becoming independent for me has been quite a long learning journey.

I wasn't really parented myself so I've done things at a young age (had a child) and didn't know how to look after her. I couldn't even look after myself.

I had my daughter at 19 and it took me the first 16 years of her life to learn how to be an adult and take responsibility for myself and for her.

This has been very hard for me, but I'd say that in the last 5 years I have finally learned how to master it all. It isn't easy but I stick to routines.

I know how to do it and what to do.

I still wish I had someone to do it all for me though

Imagine she had all of those issues and no one ever diagnosed a specific disability, but just attributed it all to her individual personality. What then?

She'd go through life dealing with it all because she had no other choice. That's the reality all High Functioning Autistics lived with before the mid 1990s.

I was born in 1959 and never even heard the word "autism" until 1982. I recognized right away when I saw severely autistic children on TV that I had something in common with them, but I had no idea what it might be. It wasn't until I was 45 that someone introduced me to the concept of Asperger Syndrome and I knew immediately that it was describing me, but another 4 years went by before I stumbled into an opportunity to be evaluated professionally and get diagnosed.

In the meantime, I slogged my way through life like everybody else - well, not exactly like everyone else - I was lucky enough to fall into a career quite by accident, which was perfectly suited to my personal limitations, but even then, I couldn't hold down a job for more than a year and a half at a time without getting fired for being odd and difficult. I never had more than a literal handful of friends and couldn't maintain a stable relationship to save my life. I was a talented nice guy that most people liked, but nobody really knew very well, because when other people got together to hang out and socialize, I disappeared. If it hadn't been for the support of family, I'd have ended up homeless several times over. But I survived, never knowing that the personal quirks that plagued me and often caused me to be persecuted, had an official name and were recognized as a neurological disorder.

What is the future?

The future is a myth, a fanciful, whimsical lie. There IS NO FUTURE. We always imagine one, but it never gets here. All we can ever have is today - this moment - once you get to the moment after that, it's not the "future" anymore. I realize that may sound very mystical and abstract, but it really isn't. All we can ever really do, is live the moment we're in, react to it the best way we're capable of and try to be prepared for the next one. After that, it's all pure speculation.

Which is to say, don't waste time fretting over how she's going to do years from now. Be here for her and help her as best you can today and let tomorrow take care of itself until you get to it. She may always need help and support. That's what family is for. But that doesn't mean she can't or won't have a fulfilling independent life of her own, too. Some adults with AS or HFA need virtually no help or support at all (some are business owners and movie stars), some need a little from time to time, others a bit more. As long as you're loving and supportive, it'll work itself out. There is no crisis.

I love your last paragraph Willard.

Thank you everyone who has responded. It has all been really helpful.

I was officially diagnosed when I was 34, and to be honest, while it did explain some of my quirks, it never really changed who I am. Except in certain situations, I managed quite well before I was diagnosed, and by the grace of God, I'm managing well now. I have family and friends who care about me; what else do I need?

She might just take longer to mature and become independent. If you had known me as a child you'd probably have thought I'd never be able to finish high-school but I'm very slowly (one course at a time) doing my master's degree in Library Science now. In elementary school I was throwing my coat down in the middle of the field at lunch time and wandering away from the school and twirling my fingers in front of my eyes and making noises during class, for example. My mum was very worried about me. That being said, I do still live with my mum and don't work and I'm almost 30 but I am going to try to get a disability job coach and get a job when I finish my degree. I'm going to try to live independently. I don't have a normal life for someone my age but I'm doing okay.