With my opinions regarding depression?
There is a lot of history in my life that people are not aware of in regards to that and why I struggle to carry people who are 'depressed' in the typical manner. I simply can't help you, it's not that I want to be mean. I simply can't help you.
I spent 10 years of my life looking after an elderly disabled mother who had mental health problems. She had psychotic depression and would set up booby traps in her house, refuse to go out much of the time, ring people up and rant at them for hours about people trying to poison her by breaking into her house and putting stuff in her food and so on. The rest of my family would not have anything to do with her and left her for me to cope with on my own, whilst trying to deal with my own social and physical health problems (I was on disability myself and I was also trying to raise a son at the same time). She would turn up at my place at 2 am and rant (in front of my child which was not really acceptable) about people trying to poison her and eventually she took off and I would get phone calls from irate Bed and breakfast owners asking me to come and collect my mother as she obviously had severe mental health issues.
Trying to cope with her almost broke me...and I can't take that on again. I simply can't. She was part of the reason I gave up University. I thought she would improve (and that my son would get older and need me less) and I would return to study again. That did not happen. The other reason was trouble with social issues but those were only a problem when working in groups. It did not affect my ability to complete individual assignments.
In the end I had to call the emergency services to take care of her as I couldn't not cope. I don't cope well with chaos and now getting involved with people with certain mental illnesses scares me. I thought I could help my mother and I could not.
After I called in support she would not speak to me again as I became part of some conspiracy she believed people were involved in against her (they were not but you could not tell her this). I never saw her again after that. At most we spoke on the phone once. A few months following the argument over support she passed away. She was in her 60's and 70s when much of this happened and had physical disabilities from TB she had had when she was younger as well.
I can't take that on again. I am too tired. And I don't cope well with chaos. I am more like my dad, he liked his routines and couldn't cope well with having them disrupted. He also had social problems and could not make friends. In fact people used to avoid him for being socially inappropriate. I remember people saying things like "Adrian (his name) you can't do things like that!" or "Adrian, you can't say things like that!" and looking aghast as they told him. I don't think he really said much in response. He didn't do it on purpose, he was just oblivious. He lived in Adrian land. Good luck if you could get him out of it! He was the one who called me bumble though...little bumble because I was not a graceful child.
My mum on the other hand was a social butterfly, always had friends until her decline at the end where everyone walked away and left her to me to cope with, she married 3 times, was engaged 8, had 5 children in total (with different fathers...I have never met some of them, I am the only child she had with my dad), disliked being tied down and was always moving all over the place which is the pole opposite to myself and my father. I did get my academic ability from her though. My dad failed grammar school, my mum finished top of her class when she was a school.
Anyway my apologies if I have offended anyone. I just wanted to explain why I struggle with getting involved with people with certain mental illnesses. I don't mean it to be nasty. I am just trying to protect my own well being. My dad couldn't cope with my mum either. He had upsets like me (ranting, shouting, screaming etc. He could lash out at people but it was rare and it was usually only when he was pushed by them). He didn't mean any harm, he was a child in a mans body.
06 Feb 2014, 5:11 am
