not sure if anyone can explain this but here goes.

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It is so difficult sometimes for me to understand with my friend with AS. He is very closed off and difficult to read. He never really really opens up but on the occasion that he does he then reverts right back to being closed off and sometimes it's more than it was before. I find this exasperating. I'm what you would consider introverted and shy but once I feel comfortable I warm up quickly to people. He warms up and then goes back to being closed off and cold. Then there are all these requests he has which are fine but when I ask him to do something for me he agrees but then won't do it. The last time he did this I told him that he was very selfish and even showed him everything he asked from me that I did. He apologized but never did the thing I asked for.

This is doing a huge number on my self esteem. I feel rejected and unsure around him most of the time and he triggers a lot of anxiety in me which isn't something I've had a problem with in a long time. :/

It's not uncommon for us Aspies to get overwhelmed by any kind of social interaction or opening up with others in general even if we've known them along time. Just being social requires aLOT of effort sometimes & we tend to need to retreat back inside ourselves 1ce we've reached our limit which can be much lower for us than the average shy introvert without AS. We also tend to be very picky about things & we sometimes have problems following through with things because of our various issues. We may plan to do something at the time but then our various issues can interfere like anxiety scaring us, getting caught up in our special interest or other coexisting disorders like OCD, ADHD & dyslexia could cause problems with getting hung up on something else, getting distracted, or getting confused or forgetting.

I see. He also does other things, he has the tendency to praise other people but not me and he ignores me a lot when around other people. I try not to take these things personally we spend a lot of time together. I mean it's come to the point where it's odd when I don't hear from him for a day. I've grown that used to him being around. I just can't figure out why he'd do that to a person he's so close to and asking him scares me. He doesn't like anyone asking him intrusive questions and gets unreasonably angry.

He probably feels like he has to be polite & social when he's around others which is a large mental effort for him. He may have a hard time focusing on others as well as someone he's close to & feels like he focuses on you enough where he can be himself with instead of putting on the social act.

I have Asperger's and I will often go long stretches of time where I don't want to talk to my friends. It's not because I don't like them or don't care about them, it's just because I get mentally exhausted from socializing, and talking to people too much either becomes boring or annoying. I always need to balance socialization with alone time. There are times when I just need to get away from people - regardless of how close or not close I am to them. Although the closer I am to them, the more time I can spend with them before I have to recharge.

Needless to say, there have been quite a few people in my life who take this personally and get hurt if I do not contact them on a regular basis. When I was a little kid (elementary/primary school age) I had a friend who was obsessed with me and would follow me around and cling to me, desperately wanting me to play with her. She didn't understand the concepts of personal space and alone time, so I would deliberately start arguments with her in order to make her leave me alone.

^ I see, IdahoRose. Hello to you if you are reading this, I hope you're doing OK.

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