Do you HAVE social skills you can't use consistently?

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I definitely have to put a lot of effort into social interaction. If a social situation comes out of the blue and I haven't had time to psych myself up, I usually find a way to graciously back out.

Not sure if I should answer yes or no. Over my life I've done social things that were so successful that it took me a while to fathom how I could possibly be autistic when I first looked into it. It turned out that I had been with the right people, in the right place, at the right time. People and circumstances are very random and they have a huge bearing on how well an Aspie can do. When things were right, I had very little social anxiety or social fatigue. But in those days I was lousy at long-term relationships, and only did well when I didn't have one. I had few appreciable responsibilities as a free spirit among a load of non-competitive, like-minded hippies.

Things are mixed now. My partner seems to think I'm doing a terrific job with her and her family, and a counsellor tells me there's a lot of truth in that, and that I'm a remarkably socially aware Aspie (or words to that effect), and I do seem to get the job done OK, but from the inside I feel a constant background of mild-to-moderate anxiety and fatigue and self-doubt. My partner is great but her family is more of a challenge, and I don't feel the social confidence I had back in the day when I was a free agent and simply shunned anybody that wasn't very suitable for me. Even with my own friends these days, I'm not so confident as I once was. I'm hoping I've not just become burned out from working life and too many past heavy social problems and misfortunes. I'm OK as long as things are reasonably predictable and I'm allowed to stay within my limits, but people tend to mess with that without meaning to, and I frequently have to bite off more than I can comfortably chew in order to fulfill my responsibilities as I see them.

Hope that answers the question.

i completely lack natural social skills.

i learned a few but its mentally exhausting to remind myself to use them. Before i was diagnosed i had no social skills, i would hit people, bite them, interrupt people, i was rude, touch people without consent. i had no idea that the things i was doing was wrong and i didn't know the proper social skills.

Yes.

Sometimes I can present as a little unusual but still completely friendly and personable.

Other times I can be so overwhelmed, over stimulated, or overly stressed that I stare at a random point (usually below knee-level because I feel intense shame when I get this way), and no matter how friendly the people are or how interesting the conversation is, I can't do sensible words or make faces that show I'm interested in participating. The only faces I can make say "don't look at me, get me out of here I'm freaking out" at these times.

Sometimes I think I'm doing okay but then I'll look at someone else and their face will be saying "um, lady, you're scaring/boring/annoying people, please stop."

So yeah, my Social Skills definitely go through a bit of a sine curve of functionality levels.

:/

dianthus, especially what you said about the face is true of me. I walk down a hall wondering if my face matches the way I felt in a conversation I just had, try to memorize the way the musculature feels, and duck into the bathroom to check my expression in the mirror.

I am often horrified at how or or or or I look, even when I honestly thought I was feeling mostly or or at least
Also I apparently a lot more than I ever realized I do before researching the whole ASD/Asperger's Syndrome concept.

Kortie,
Who forces you to do such things? Are you forcing yourself, or is someone else trying to make you be something that's difficult/impossible for you?