Your real underlying issues.

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Cafeaulait
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08 Feb 2014, 3:52 pm

I have an obsession with coming across as normal and figuring out what is wrong with me. This prevents me from dating or undertaking new activities.



Cafeaulait
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08 Feb 2014, 4:16 pm

Caleban wrote:
most aspies underlying issues are meeting the wrong people and not putting themselves out there.


What is 'putting yourself out there'?



NTGuyBR
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08 Feb 2014, 4:46 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
Caleban wrote:
most aspies underlying issues are meeting the wrong people and not putting themselves out there.


What is 'putting yourself out there'?


I think he was talking about the case of Aspie get into a relationship and then he repents, and now the Aspie can not get out of this relationship. (More or less my case and my ex gf)


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hale_bopp
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08 Feb 2014, 5:54 pm

Thanks for some of the replies.

I think if people can tackle what's really causing the problem, their other issues won't be as much of an "issue". I'm currently working through the self esteem thing, but it can't be done on it's own. I'm trying to seek out professionals that can help.

There's no point having all the answers - like I seem to, if I can't even believe them myself.

Hopefully people who can't get a date will walk away with something to think about from this thread.



NTGuyBR
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08 Feb 2014, 7:32 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Thanks for some of the replies.

I think if people can tackle what's really causing the problem, their other issues won't be as much of an "issue". I'm currently working through the self esteem thing, but it can't be done on it's own. I'm trying to seek out professionals that can help.

There's no point having all the answers - like I seem to, if I can't even believe them myself.

Hopefully people who can't get a date will walk away with something to think about from this thread.


Yes, I agree with you. we should prioritize working with self-esteem. Unfortunately this is not the kind of thing that we can save money to buy. :cry:

Another thing I forgot to tell you ... careful surgery on the face, do only if absolutely necessary ( I REALLY do not think it's necessary), just see the example of so many artists whose faces were at least ridiculous ...


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Dhp
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10 Feb 2014, 5:30 pm

Hale_bopp, My heart goes out to you in sympathy. Please remember that beauty fades with age, usually personality does not. The trick is to be happy with who you are. I like you have a low self esteem. What is working for me is doing things that I love to do; for eventually, you will improve and be good at what you do if you love doing it. My issue is very low self esteem. I don't have OCD (maybe a little, but not enough to be diagnosed with it), but I feel that if I was to ask a woman out now in the financial situation I'm in would be a burden to her. I am on working disability, but I do work at a part time job. Also asking a woman out is extremely stressful for me. My interests also make it hard for me. There are not many women that love math, and I still have yet to meet one that loves progressive rock...lol I do agree that if all of us were to work on our issues, then the relationship will improve and we will improve as people. Easier said than done, but certainly with hard work, it is possible.

As for you, Hale_Bopp, from what little I know of you, you seem to be a very caring intelligent person. And yes, you're a hottie! Perhaps I could compare your beauty with Helen of Troy with countless princes who have asked her out in the past? I'm sorry. I speak weirdly, it is part of my AS. Nevertheless, you have nothing to worry about in the looks department. You are stunningly beautiful. You need to find someone who is perfect for you, which is difficult in this world, but possible. Keep trying, and never give up, Hale_bopp. This post might sound like I'm crazy, but I'm only trying to help you.



modernmax
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10 Feb 2014, 5:40 pm

Well most of the girls in my school aren't single, but I don't think I'd be able to date someone without looking good, and I do NOT look good at all. And yes, I am very self-conscious of my looks.


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MadeUnderground
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10 Feb 2014, 5:53 pm

In response to the thread topic, I have no idea.

The last time I felt miserable without a girlfriend was back when I was 16 years old.


I think for a lot of people with self esteem issues there's a particular flaw about themselves that they do obsess over.

I, like you, hale_bopp, am really self conscious of my appearance. I don't believe in facial plastic surgery, but if I did I'm sure there'd be many points I'd like to improve. I wish I had sharper jaws, a deeper cleft chin, etc. And don't even get me started on my body...

I know it's hard for some people to wrap their heads around the fact that someone they deem attractive views themselves as unattractive and they don't understand why or even how, but I guess its just all tied into self esteem and confidence. I do enjoy when people compliment the way I look but it's a compliment that only resonates with me for about 3 seconds before dissipating as if it had never been said. I also then begin to wonder why they had said that and what they want from me.

I don't know how to get over it, or how to get more self esteem, but if you ever find out hale_bopp, tell ME how. :?



salamandaqwerty
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10 Feb 2014, 5:57 pm

leafplant wrote:
The immense number of dumb people out there.

:lol:


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Briareos
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10 Feb 2014, 6:57 pm

I would differently say I'm insecure about my appearance, which is why I try to exercise so often/do workouts to build muscle.



Briareos
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10 Feb 2014, 7:39 pm

I'm I consider myself pretty concerned, if not close to obsessed, with how I look. A fear of mine is becoming obese, which is why I try so hard to stay active a lot and also do exercises to build muscle. It's probably because I think I don't look that good which is because of some low self-esteem.



Narita
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10 Feb 2014, 7:51 pm

In my opinion underlying factors are at the root of everything we think and do, and they can be surprising.
These issues must be addressed if you want real change.
I don't have much else to contribute but interesting thread.



PerfectlyDarkTails
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10 Feb 2014, 8:27 pm

Eh... I find I just don't have any interest... :? Heck guys or girls I don't mind, It don't happen for me really.


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Tim_Tex
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10 Feb 2014, 9:37 pm

For me, it's the feeling that I am considered expendable, and can be replaced at any time.


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hale_bopp
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14 Feb 2014, 8:08 pm

I started going to a relationship counsellor today. As far as I can tell, it's been well worth it.