Your real underlying issues.

Page 3 of 3 [ 38 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3


User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 23,309
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA

15 Feb 2014, 3:53 am

I have a girlfriend but was pretty miserable alone. I think my underlining issue was my life circumstances that I felt were beyond my control. I felt trapped living with my parents who I never had a good relationship with because they never understood my issues & they put me down & made me feel guilty alot because they were very frustrated with the situation of having me live with them & they wanted me to be more independent than I could in that environment. My OCD & anxiety caused problems too but got better after I got on meds. Then I got the girlfriend I have now & I moved in with her & am in a very different & much better environment & am a lot happier.

But I don't want to go among mad people, Alice remarked.
Oh, you can't help that, said the Cat: we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad.
How do you know I'm mad? said Alice.
You must be, said the Cat, or you wouldn't have come here.


User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,108
Location: US

15 Feb 2014, 11:42 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
I went on my own.
It's not for the benefit of a relationship surviving. Its for me to learn how to deal with relationships with others and myself better.

what do they help you with? I'm curious if such a thing would benefit me any


Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 55,780
Location: Portland, Oregon

16 Feb 2014, 3:54 pm

-Convincing girls {in the same age range as me} to not call me "cute." :evil:

-Avoiding women old enough to be my mom.

-Being self conscious of what I say.

-Being self conscious of what I do.

-Hanging out with the "wrong types."

Silly NTs, I have Aspergers, and having Aspergers is gr-r-reat!


User avatar

Joined: 10 Mar 2008
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,493

16 Feb 2014, 8:43 pm

With some people I met, and to a limited extent also with me, anxiety and/or depression were much more significant barriers to finding a relationship than autism as I experienced it. There are certain things about e.g. stimming and not looking at people when talking to them that may be a bit off-putting, but not really wanting to go out and do stuff was a much bigger problem. I can't speak for many others here, but I've met a bunch of people on the spectrum IRL, and for some of them depression (even if not particularly severe) appeared to be a more serious obstacle.


User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2007
Age: 47
Gender: Male
Posts: 538

17 Feb 2014, 12:29 am

Yes; anxiety and depression is a major struggle. I have had both since my teens; I'm on the right medications now, but if I only could control my temper better. Since I was extremely busy this weekend, I want also to wish everyone a belated happy Valentine's day (not to piss anyone off, as I'm single too and dread that day also). Besides meds, the only thing that got me out of depression was the fact that my family loved and cared about me. At least I meant something to someone...and of course, music. I cannot live without music. It is my therapy at times.

For those that are suffering, there is hope - there really is. But there is no easy treatment; like Dante, you have to go through hell to reach some sort of peace and contentment. Therapy, perhaps meds, and the most important part - not lying to yourself and face your fears and demons head on! Find out why these feelings arise or why you act a way that can be harmful to yourself or others. You have to be brave. If you don't have a purpose in life right now, make that your purpose. Take it from this cantankerous old piece of **** typing this. I've been there and have seen "hell" and came back. You will feel better about yourself, and you might end up helping another along the way.

Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 18 Nov 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 143
Location: Lancaster, CA

17 Feb 2014, 7:41 am

NTGuyBR wrote:
hmmm . I have a bit of this obsession, Hale Bopp.

I have low self-esteem due to have suffered bullying in my teens and early adulthood because of my overweight ( people laughed especially my breasts ) .

Today my physique is a little better , but I'm saving up for surgery.

However , I know that does not mean the solution of my relationship problems , the fact of taking chunks of skin and flesh of my body will let me physically attractive but will not miraculously cure my shyness and do not give me the necessary social skills .. . It will be only the first step in a long road .

In my case, getting make me physically beautiful but alone would not be a victory. (Well, do not miss sex, but I'm thinking of something beyond that)

I suffer for not having had the luck to find someone who did not care about my appearance AND love me. The first item I got , but the second ... If I had found this person , nor think more surgery.

PS : Hale Bopp > I saw your face at least on youtube , and there really is no need for surgery on someone so beautiful . :wink:

I went from 260 lbs to 175 lbs (currently)...and I still have 0 confidence. It's definitely somewhere in my