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Stitched
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11 Feb 2014, 11:29 pm

So i've been searching for years on what is "different" about me. I've read quite a bit and had a few breakthroughs the past couple years. I first started by finding out my personality type is INTJ. So, i'm quite introverted and extremely logical. Yet, i have several oddity's and sensitivities that don't jive with some of the normal characteristics, not to mention how in tune i am with my environment and emotions.

I've found topics ranging from Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), Empath, and Asperger's. They all have similar traits, though not exact. I'm extremely sensitive to light and sound. Have difficulty in arranging sentences while talking, it takes a lot of energy for me to socialize. I associate numbers and colors, and see patterns in everything i look at. I have to analyze everything i see, and take mental images. I can recall conversations years ago, which normally aggravates people.. when you catch them in their lies. I'm such a perfectionist, especially to my hobbies and job. I would say borderline OCD on a few items.

I'm stubborn, even if i know i'm wrong. Not because i mind being criticized, i don't, but because i went to see why its wrong, not why someone else says it wrong. Mainly because i normally find things others don't, so i don't trust people's "word", not that i'm rude, just speaking from experience.

My next point is that, i'm also on the opposite side in terms of Empathy. I can easily put myself into other's shoes when in conversation, i can see their points, and why they think that way. This allows me to manipulate conversation and become a "social chameleon" of sorts. I have been able to blend into any Clique that i've wanted. The drawback is I fall into a feedback loop, and angry or sad people make me angry or sad, and can pull me into depressions at times.

Now the empathy part, i've seen categorized as being an empath, but the sensitivity falls under HSP and Aspergers, which contradict each other to a point. So i've seen all these terms used, and i fit a lot of the general "symptoms" but don't fit all of them, i'm a mash-up. And currently i don't have the money to see a psychologist to know, but wondered if anyone had any ideas or point me the right direction for information?



Sethno
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11 Feb 2014, 11:39 pm

We can't diagnose you here.

Could I ask where you live that there's no medical care available to you?

There are many places where mental health clinics take people who don't have any ability to pay.


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Your Aspie score: 100 of 200 / Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 101 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits

What would these results mean? Been told here I must be a "half pint".


Norny
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11 Feb 2014, 11:44 pm

Do you have strict adherence to routines?
Do you have rituals?
Are you resistant to change?
Are you socially successful?
Can you read body language?
Do you speak in monotone?
Do you think in pictures?
Do you understand sarcasm/idioms?
Do you have meltdowns?
Do you have sensory overload?

Not that any of those mean anything individually, but depending on your answers, you may align with individuals on the autism spectrum. Adherence to routine is the most common, and usually it's to keep order and predictability.

Also could you please elaborate on this: 'I associate numbers and colors, and see patterns in everything i look at.'

Try this if you haven't: R-DOS Test


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Waterfalls
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12 Feb 2014, 6:30 am

A lot of people don't fit into categories perfectly, what do you most feel you need to find?



Acedia
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12 Feb 2014, 7:28 am

HSP. I'd say.

This right below is why - you have good social skills and a theory of mind. And the other things you list are mild.

Quote:
I can easily put myself into other's shoes when in conversation, i can see their points, and why they think that way. This allows me to manipulate conversation and become a "social chameleon" of sorts. I have been able to blend into any Clique that i've wanted. The drawback is I fall into a feedback loop, and angry or sad people make me angry or sad, and can pull me into depressions at times.



It could be that you have ocd, and possibly synesthesia.

----



bumble
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12 Feb 2014, 7:38 am

Stitched wrote:

My next point is that, i'm also on the opposite side in terms of Empathy. I can easily put myself into other's shoes when in conversation, i can see their points, and why they think that way.


That must be nice for you. :P

I spend my life constantly confused by how other people think. I don't understand them at all and their thinking appears illogical, irrational and unreasonable to me.

I tested as an INFJ on the myers briggs test.

I feel like the world went crazy whilst I stayed sane, although it is probably the other way around.

Ie

People are criticised for wanting to be healthy...what kind of logic is that?
People are labelled as weak for being kind
People are judged as unworthy because they are not materialistic or obsessed with power or greed (it's like the whole world is on some kind of freaking ego trip)
People are treated like they are defective if they even hint that they might be in some kind of distress or pain, it is as if we are not allowed to feel anything.

Nobody cares about anybody anymore
The world doesn't work together to make society it better place, it works against each other in the pursuit of yet more ego masturbation instead.
People are not interested in learning or understanding, all they want to do is drink and take drugs and mock those who would rather haunt the local library as if not being able to enjoy life without a substance to do it for them makes them cool or superior...

It's as if the whole world has been brainwashed by some cultural belief system it made up in its own head and which it is obsessed with believing is some great truth about the nature of their existence and even the universe itself, when it is nothing more than result of few neurons sparking off some ridiculous ideology that became some bizarre reality to the world and which isn't even real. It is nothing more than a few thoughts in a human beings head.

Not a truth about nature and life as we know it.

I have become exasperated with the human race.



Stitched
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12 Feb 2014, 8:23 am

Sethno wrote:
We can't diagnose you here.

Could I ask where you live that there's no medical care available to you?

There are many places where mental health clinics take people who don't have any ability to pay.


Not looking for diagnosis on the internet, simply information due to how closely some of these terms are related and ways to distinguish better.

Depends on how the sliding scale is setup for those clinics, i make good money, but it all goes to debt sadly, so i have little leftover. I'll have to look into those options though. Thanks.


Do you have strict adherence to routines? Certain ones, yes
Do you have rituals? yes
Are you resistant to change? If it offers no benefit, yes
Are you socially successful? I'm socially accepted, took years to learn the do's and don'ts, i'm still uneasy but i can tolerate it if required.
Can you read body language? Yes
Do you speak in monotone? Yes
Do you think in pictures? Yes
Do you understand sarcasm/idioms? Yes
Do you have meltdowns? Rarely, but yes
Do you have sensory overload? Yes

Numbers in my head are colored, like 6 is green, 1 is white, 2 is yellow etc. Patterns is harder to explain, but i get moments where i look at something, or look at the bigger picture involving that item and see how it fits in, or i can fast forward in the future to see what effect it would cause if left alone.

I took the quiz, and heres my score:
Your Aspie score: 156 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 59 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie

Quote:
A lot of people don't fit into categories perfectly, what do you most feel you need to find?


If i had to choose, i'd say HSP due to how i act in a social environment, and can pick up on underlying feelings. HSP can be socially awkward because we understand how the person feels, but they aren't telling us how they feel. So it feels like i'm being lied to, and when called out, people shut down or get silent and don't talk to me. So i have to tone that down, and just adds another layer of micromanagement in social situations. All the reason why i tend to avoid them.



Stitched
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12 Feb 2014, 8:31 am

bumble wrote:
Stitched wrote:

My next point is that, i'm also on the opposite side in terms of Empathy. I can easily put myself into other's shoes when in conversation, i can see their points, and why they think that way.


That must be nice for you. :P

I spend my life constantly confused by how other people think. I don't understand them at all and their thinking appears illogical, irrational and unreasonable to me.

I tested as an INFJ on the myers briggs test.

I feel like the world went crazy whilst I stayed sane, although it is probably the other way around.

Ie

People are criticised for wanting to be healthy...what kind of logic is that?
People are labelled as weak for being kind
People are judged as unworthy because they are not materialistic or obsessed with power or greed (it's like the whole world is on some kind of freaking ego trip)
People are treated like they are defective if they even hint that they might be in some kind of distress or pain, it is as if we are not allowed to feel anything.

Nobody cares about anybody anymore
The world doesn't work together to make society it better place, it works against each other in the pursuit of yet more ego masturbation instead.
People are not interested in learning or understanding, all they want to do is drink and take drugs and mock those who would rather haunt the local library as if not being able to enjoy life without a substance to do it for them makes them cool or superior...

It's as if the whole world has been brainwashed by some cultural belief system it made up in its own head and which it is obsessed with believing is some great truth about the nature of their existence and even the universe itself, when it is nothing more than result of few neurons sparking off some ridiculous ideology that became some bizarre reality to the world and which isn't even real. It is nothing more than a few thoughts in a human beings head.

Not a truth about nature and life as we know it.

I have become exasperated with the human race.


I couldn't agree with you more. Society and Psychology is something i think about when i'm bored. Psychology is one of the subjects that interest me. A lot of the points you mention are things i've realized, and how hopeless it is to attempt to change some of these people.

Having empathy is useful.. but has made it impossible for me to feel my own emotions sometimes, i feel numb half the time, and i'm only happy when others are happy kind of feeling. I feel like a social vampire, and consumes a lot of energy. I have so much patience, that i don't get mad at things i feel like i should. But, many say, well its good you don't get mad. But for self-defense and things like that, anger is a useful tool, and it takes huge amount of negativity for me to find it. Even when i do, it lasts for seconds because i feel it and control it. I just don't like anger, my parents argued a lot when i was child, and i felt that a lot and hated the feeling. So i guess i've built up an internal mechanism to defuse it.



Ashariel
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12 Feb 2014, 11:57 am

Stitched wrote:
HSP can be socially awkward because we understand how the person feels, but they aren't telling us how they feel. So it feels like i'm being lied to, and when called out, people shut down or get silent and don't talk to me. So i have to tone that down, and just adds another layer of micromanagement in social situations. All the reason why i tend to avoid them.

Just wanted to say I appreciate that insight into HSP – I can't even imagine what that must be like! I have no idea what anyone is feeling unless they tell me using words, and then I just have to trust they're telling the truth. But I have a friend who is Empathic, and your explanation helps me to understand what it's like for her!



Stitched
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12 Feb 2014, 2:04 pm

Ashariel wrote:
Stitched wrote:
HSP can be socially awkward because we understand how the person feels, but they aren't telling us how they feel. So it feels like i'm being lied to, and when called out, people shut down or get silent and don't talk to me. So i have to tone that down, and just adds another layer of micromanagement in social situations. All the reason why i tend to avoid them.

Just wanted to say I appreciate that insight into HSP – I can't even imagine what that must be like! I have no idea what anyone is feeling unless they tell me using words, and then I just have to trust they're telling the truth. But I have a friend who is Empathic, and your explanation helps me to understand what it's like for her!


Glad to share the information. It can be very useful, but also incredibly stressful to me. Surrounded by other peoples emotions when I struggle with my own is aggravating to say the least.



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12 Feb 2014, 9:53 pm

It sounds like you are looking for descriptions to understand your experience and maybe communicate about it.

It is a common misperception that people with AS and autism lack empathy. It's easy to empathize with what we experience ourselves, harder to empathize when the other persons experience or reactions are different. Also hard to figure out what response will work, and how to communicate empathy.

I hope you found answers. We're all different and although labels can help a lot to make sense of things, they can also harm, so it's important I think to be cautious buying into them too much.



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12 Feb 2014, 10:13 pm

Given the traits you describe, I would say HSP fits you better than Asperger's. I have yet to find any scientific support for the validity of the "empath" idea, though you may know things I don't. With regard to seeing numbers in colour, that is a phenomenon known as colour-grapheme synesthesia, and can be tested at synesthete.org. Concerning the high sensitivity, I recommend reading the book, "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine Aron; she was the initial doscoverer of the condition, and explains in an article on her website, hsperson.com, the difference between autistics and HSPs, although I admit to not entirely grasping the distinction in the way she described it.


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Stitched
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12 Feb 2014, 10:39 pm

Waterfalls wrote:
It sounds like you are looking for descriptions to understand your experience and maybe communicate about it.

It is a common misperception that people with AS and autism lack empathy. It's easy to empathize with what we experience ourselves, harder to empathize when the other persons experience or reactions are different. Also hard to figure out what response will work, and how to communicate empathy.

I hope you found answers. We're all different and although labels can help a lot to make sense of things, they can also harm, so it's important I think to be cautious buying into them too much.


That would be a good way to put it. I've always been bad at phrasing. I don't want to apply a label, but it helps me to focus on what to research and learn.

I've been watching videos and documentaries, reading what i can find, and its hard to isolate which i am, or if i'm both? I suppose if you had to ask why, i don't want a label, or to feel special for being diagnosed, i just want clarification, so i have a better way to feel comfortable in my own skin. I may be able to "Fit in", but i've never had anyone i've been able to completely lower my walls with. To share the experiences i've had without getting weird looks. As much as i don't like talking.. I would really like to talk.



Stitched
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12 Feb 2014, 10:56 pm

StarTrekker wrote:
Given the traits you describe, I would say HSP fits you better than Asperger's. I have yet to find any scientific support for the validity of the "empath" idea, though you may know things I don't. With regard to seeing numbers in colour, that is a phenomenon known as colour-grapheme synesthesia, and can be tested at Concerning the high sensitivity, I recommend reading the book, "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine Aron; she was the initial doscoverer of the condition, and explains in an article on her website, the difference between autistics and HSPs, although I admit to not entirely grasping the distinction in the way she described it.


The way i see the distinction between HSP and AS is that AS has very little empathy, and HSP has too much empathy. And i know that there is a lot more than that. But after researching thats the biggest trait that sticks out at me. And i guess why i'm so confused about trying to isolate is, I will go out of my way to help someone because I "feel" that they may need it, its like OCD. After i get done "helping" by forcing socializing to get rid of the "feeling", I get exhausted and need to isolate and be left alone. So i'm constantly fighting this back and forth emotion of being overly empathic(?), and then giving none and detach from everything.

The color phenomenon i've seen in a few AS/Autistic videos, only reason i brought it up. But i've heard that term before, guess i have more things to look up, lol. I will look into that website, i plan on buying a couple books this weekend, i'll keep that one in mind. Thanks.



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12 Feb 2014, 11:05 pm

Synesthesia is not unique to autism, but it is a fascinating trait nonetheless. I see letters, numbers, words and shapes in colour, and my friend hears coloured music, it's very interesting.


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Rediagnosed with ASD level 2 on the 4th of May, 2019
Thanks to Olympiadis for my fantastic avatar!