Victims are shunned upon

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Reminds me of that company in West Virginia called FREEDOM INDUSTRIES who kept dumping toxic waste in one town's water supply. FREEDOM, b*****s! QUIT PLAYING VICTIM!

Seriously, talk about a douche name for such a company, just like a lot of appeals to liberty are really douchy and more about self-justification than any interest in helping anyone, even themselves.

My only irritation with the current issues of "victimhood" is when people feel the need to "compete" to see who's the bigger victim.

You see it all the time with these idiotic, "Who has it harder?" debates.

It's stomach-churning. When people abuse the notion of "victimhood" to elevate their social status and feed their narcissism, I find it objectionable.

Yes, you should shut up about problems you have. If you have a problem and need assistance, find someone who can assist you and make the request for assistance. Your problems are irrelevant to people who aren't able or willing to help you, so why air your dirty laundry?

It has nothing to do with the privileged. The privileged don't even pay attention to your whining. They aren't here discussing these things. It's the rest of us that are struggling too that get fed up with listening to it.

We all suffer. Some people deal with it and move on. Others whine about it and tread water. How you respond is up to you, but I only have pity, not sympathy, for those who choose the latter.

If I am having problems that I think social and other factors contribute to, let it be known you are not my intended audience. If you do not want to read it, then simply ignore it. Choosing to ignore it is your responsibility.

When social and other factors contribute to problems, those factors should be discussed and debated, not ignored or hand-waved away, with remonstrance for the person so affected to simply deal with the problem alone and keep it secret from all others who are not of immediate assistance and to permit in silence the social and other factors to continue.

Of course, the person who brings these things up is probably also working to fix the problem on their own, but they also know that social and other factors make it a lot harder than it should be and may believe that they may obtain more expedient resolution of their particular problem through discussion and debate, and make things not so hard for other people like them in the future.

Basically, this is just a case similar to, Shut up, that's why.

This also reminds me of this quote at the top of this website:

http://www.autistichoya.com/

I think we're getting a bit off-track here. There is a difference between discussing things and whining about them. I agree with you that factors that contribute to problems should be discussed and debated rather than ignored.

Where I disagree with you is with the motivation to discuss and debate things. If someone brings up a topic because they are interested in constructive debate, I'm all for it. If someone brings up a topic with no interest in resolution, it's whining.

To bring it back to the OP, the internet is full of people debating things with no interest in resolution. That's "being a victim". That's what people shun.

What do you mean?

Actually, it should not.

I think it boils down to HUMILITY.

A person who suffers in relative silence gets my sympathy more than someone who stands on a soap box crying out to all who can hear them. The latter is wanting the attention.

A group that advocates for the disadvantaged are drawing attention to what they believe is a problem. A person with the alleged problem drawing attention to themselves may be trying to elicit undeserved sympathy.

I likely have AS (from all I can discover). I can't go about wearing it like a badge of honor...it would appear as if I'm doing it just to get attention. I do, however, let people I feel should know about it know so that my quirks don't come as a surprise later on.

It would be very easy for me to use AS as an EXCUSE for why I can't do something as compared to it being a REASON for why I can't do something.

I don't refuse to do sales work because AS is my excuse...I have more than enough experience at failing in sales work to know that AS is why I can't master it. I tried. I failed (repeatedly). I accept that AS makes a barrier that turns sales work into a bad idea for me.

^theproblem with that, though is that suffering in silence can prevent people from knowing when there are others with the same problem. Or it can make people without problems go about their days in blissful ignorance of the problems around them, which they might be causing or exacerbating.

Do you have any evidence to support your claim that in most every situation the victim bears some of the blame?

And some people wont say anything, and will just hold it inside till they can't take it anymore because they are afraid of being shunned.

Yes, it also seems many people who use that phrase always have the assumption the individual isn't doing anything about it, when much of the time they are.

I also notice sometimes if someone posts about a problem they have and someone suggests something, and that individual doesn't find that suggestion helpful the person who made the suggestion gets all butt hurt because the individual wouldn't listen to their resolution. Well quite frankly No one on the Internet is an expert on someone else on the Internet just because someone comes up with what they think might be a 'resolution' for that person doesn't make it so. So one's 'rejection' of a resolution the receive from someone else on the internet does not mean the individual does not desire a resolution.

I suppose it just confuses me why someone thinks they can be the authority on what someone elses resolution should be and then complain when that person doesn't follow their advice. I have suggested things to people a number of times only to have them explain why it won't work in their situation or at that time and I live with it so my advice wasn't heeded...its up to that person if they do or not...if they don't I don't assume they don't want a solution I assume I can't come up with one that would work.

Life itself bears it out. Rarely does anything happen in a social vacuum. Yes, people can do bad things to an innocent victim, but when something happens between two people, typically both bear some of the blame. One might still be more "to blame" than the other, but if you refuse to examine your own choices and recognize where you may have acted poorly, you won't learn anything from the experience except how to blame someone else for your misfortune.

I've been bullied on the job. I can say it was all the other guy's fault, but the truth is that there were things I did wrong. Maybe they were done in response to his "pushing my buttons," but it's not like I wasn't warned about him before I started there. I should have been more on my guard, documented things better, gone to the right people with incriminating documentation earlier, etc. Instead, I did just what I was warned not to do, and he played me like a fiddle.

Yeah, you could say it was all him, but if I refuse to learn from it, I'll just have to go through it again with someone else.

I am certainly not talking about something happening between two people, where they both acted poorly...I've had situations like that and I don't feel either party is a 'victim' in that case. For instance me and my brother have got into arguments...but that was a case of both of us being a bit immature so it was both our fault making neither of us a victim.

Also though in my experience there was no solution to the bullying....and I spent a lot of time blaming it on myself. All I learned was no matter what you do they just wont stop. Tried minding my own business, standing up for myself, ignoring them, trying to get help from staff/teachers even tried acting 'normal'. So yeah I don't put blame on myself for the bullying...as I don't feel there is an excuse for such behavior. If I got a job and was warned an employee there had a tendency to bully people, I'd do my best to avoid them......but somehow I am thinking my coming off as unusual and nervous would draw them in despite my efforts. Also perhaps you could have handled the situation better and more effectively but I fail to see how that indicates you share some of the blame for being bullied as ultimately it was their choice to act in a harassing manner towards others.

I find that people suffering from a debilitating physical injury/illness or actual (as opposed to superficial or fake) mental disability tend to harp on their situation less than the ones who had a hand in or knowingly created their mess or the ones who whine incessantly about common adversities that any person might typically have to deal with at some point in their lives.
I've definitely screwed myself a number of times and dealt with common adversities, but I generally never dump them on anyone else. Why? Because no one else gives a shi+.