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corsair
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15 Feb 2014, 5:54 pm

Okay so some context first - I'm 17 and in high school, and this guy asked me out. The thing is, I don't really like him in that way, but I'm afraid that I've probably given him the wrong impression because I've been friendly (but then again, I'm friendly to mostly anyone so I don't know if he took it the wrong way or ??? ugh). So yeah, I said yes to the date but I didn't realize that it would be a 'date' until afterward and then I was like 'oh s**t'. Ugh...but anyway, I just went on the date with him and now I feel really awkward because he likes me and I'm just like ..............ok sure.......lol...

I asked a couple of my friends what to do and they said that I should just tell him that I don't like him, but I'm awful at these sorts of things, so I've just been planning to make up random excuses next time he asks. and it really sucks because I have to see him almost every day for school.

So the bigger problem is, he's probably planning to ask me to prom (and doing some elaborate proposal thing), and I'm okay with going as friends you know. But I'm scared that he won't get the message once I start ignoring him, or he'll get it and be REALLY sad (and I hate it when people are sad because of something I did, like last time I tried ignoring him and he got this really sad expression and I was like ugh omfg I can't do this anymore and I just talked to him again). He's really nice too, I feel like it's sincere but seriously he's just not what I'm looking for at ALL. I really don't want to be rude and ignore him, but if I tell him that I'm just not interested it would be so awkward for prom and before too because I have to see him in school every day....ugh

What am I supposed to do...why does this happen to me sigh I should've just said no to the thing. Anyway yeah I'm just panicking right now lol I need advice :( sorry for all the grammatical errors, I typed this out in a hurry and my brain's just not functioning well after stressing out about how to deal with this s**t



Willard
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15 Feb 2014, 6:26 pm

...



Last edited by Willard on 17 Feb 2014, 3:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

corsair
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15 Feb 2014, 6:49 pm

Sigh okay, thank you very much. I'm so bad at these things...I've been really sad for the whole day thinking about what I should do :/ and we aren't even close friends, we've only known each other for about a month god I never should have agreed to go -.-



mfs1013
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15 Feb 2014, 6:50 pm

This could almost be like the moment from the movie, Eurotrip where Fiona breaks up with Scott during graduation, only he finds out later that she was cheating on him through the song "Scotty Doesn't Know", the only difference is you are not cheating on him, but he is just not right for you as Fiona felt like Scott was not right for her.


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corsair
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15 Feb 2014, 7:13 pm

I suppose so, though I've never watched the movie lol :)

Okay so about prom...do you think I should tell him beforehand, or after he asks me? I think he's going to and I'll be okay going as friends. And I have a feeling it's going to be public (like in SCHOOL public...sjdgkfjaldkjf) so I can't really do the whole 'let's talk in a more private place' thing - though I guess I could do it afterward? but then that would suck for him if he was expecting us to date afterward.

Why does everything have to be so complicated omg I'm so stressed out
shrivels up into corner and dies



thewhitrbbit
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15 Feb 2014, 7:53 pm

Have the decency to tell him that you don't like him like that and not do the passive aggressive thing of making excuses and such.



corsair
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15 Feb 2014, 8:07 pm

God yeah I feel like s**t because I'm really non-confrontational so I've been doing that the whole time...ugh I feel like such a bad person. Anyway...I talked to one of his friends, and I asked him if he would try and deter him from liking me LOL. not sure how that's gonna play out but I mean if it doesn't work sigh I guess I'll have to go and talk to him.



thewhitrbbit
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15 Feb 2014, 8:58 pm

If you can't tell him to his face, write him a letter, send him a text message, ask a friend to tell him.



886
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15 Feb 2014, 9:36 pm

corsair wrote:
God yeah I feel like sh** because I'm really non-confrontational so I've been doing that the whole time...ugh I feel like such a bad person. Anyway...I talked to one of his friends, and I asked him if he would try and deter him from liking me LOL. not sure how that's gonna play out but I mean if it doesn't work sigh I guess I'll have to go and talk to him.


If you say yes to prom, if you keep hanging out with him, you're leading him on, you're making him think it's mutual. You're going to have to be direct. Ignoring him and being cold is just going to hurt him, and in the end of it all you're going to wish you were just direct on only seeing him as a friend.

You can be as non-confrontational as you want to be and there's no shame in it, but you can't shy away from telling him the truth because you're only digging a deeper hole for both of you. I'm speaking from experience from bothsides, I promise you it's the only way to go.


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em_tsuj
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15 Feb 2014, 9:45 pm

It helps me to rehearse my responses to important questions. If it is scripted, I am much more likely to say what I need to say. Please, I implore you as a guy who has been rejected a lot, tell him the truth. It feels a whole lot better for him. Making excuses is giving him false hope. It hurts a whole lot more in the long run. People don't like being misled. In this instance, if he asks you out again, say, "I like you as a friend, but I am not attracted to you. Sorry. We can hang out, but just as friends."

By the way, this is a common problem for both men and women. It is always uncomfortable. There is no way to avoid the discomfort. If you handle it the way that I described, you will be able to minimize the pain for yourself and for him.



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15 Feb 2014, 11:27 pm

Be honest. Just say "hey dude, I really like you and everything, we can go to the prom or whatever, but I don't want to be your girlfriend or anything." That is how the NT's do it. 17, and still in school. Way to go!! !! I broke someones nose, and dropped out when I was 17. He had it coming. He apologized 15 years later. Then he wrapped his car around a tree and died running from the cops. Be thankful your not that guy. Or me. :o



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16 Feb 2014, 1:11 am

From my HS experience, you really have to be assertive with this. It's harder said than done, but it is the only way you can make it through the ups and downs of HS. I am now just realizing this after about 9 months of being a graduate. Let me tell you, being independent is alot easier when you are out of HS because you don't have to deal with s**t heads day after day. Throughout HS people walked over me, used me. But by the last semester of Senior year, I had it. I told off the group of "friends" I sat with, even when I was shoved and punched, I got right back up and stood up for myself. Sure I dealt with the pain of loneliness and the things they said about me for a while (Even on some occasions now it will bug me, but it's fading away) , but I felt so good for standing up for myself. /EndRant/ .

The bottom line point I am trying to make here is; do what is right, even if you are standing alone. The longer you wait, the bigger the scar you will leave on this poor fella. You can sugar coat it like "Oh idk if I wanna be in a relationship right now" or just straight up say "I am not interested". Sugar Coating seems to work better for us Aspies because it takes away all the social conflict. But I don't really sugar coat anymore because people will be misguided at times.


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16 Feb 2014, 5:23 am

My cynical self should mention that you ought to remember how lucky you are. :P (This certainly never happened to me in secondary school, but then again it wasn't mixed and proms don't exist... although I didn't have had a problem with the unmixed bit.)

Why do you not like him anyway? He can't be that ugly, can he? And you're close in age to each other...


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corsair
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17 Feb 2014, 4:29 pm

Ok, here's the thing - he keeps randomly hugging me, grabbing onto me, w/e and I'm seriously getting annoyed by it so I'm beginning to just ignore him again. If he doesn't get the hint then lol I'm gonna get really pissy -__- don't understand how he doesn't get the hint tbh.



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17 Feb 2014, 8:07 pm

If you're swinging back and forth between ignoring him and accepting his advances, he'll assume that you're on the edge, that you like him a little bit but have a few things holding you back. Naturally, he'll just keep trying to win you over, thinking that you can't be far from being his. If you ignore him for long enough, he might eventually get annoyed with your behaviour, and this will come out in a big catharsis which is going to hurt him a lot more than talking to him will. You have to say no to him. You have to say to him that although you like him as a person, you don't think you'd do well together in a relationship. Yes, he'll be upset, you might have to assure him that there are other people out there for him, but it's better that he's hurt this way. Don't do this and he'll just keep thinking about you more and more, it's a form of passive emotional abuse.