Tantrums and partners

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My evaluation for ASD is March 10th and my sons is April 7th. I have had a hard time letting it go and all I do is research and dwell and look and get worried that they wont believe me. My house has gotten really cluttered and I am having a hard time with dishes, on top of that my sons Tantrums are becoming more frequent, my daughter keeps changing her schedule (she is 5 months) and my Tantrums seem to be getting more frequent and out of control. My partner is feeling like he can not deal with it anymore. He doesnt really help me with anything and he keeps telling me its my fault cause I do not control myself. I try. I really really do but he can not see that. I wonder is it normal for Tantrums in adults to get out of control during a crazy stressful time such as what I wrote about above? Until I get a diagnosis no one will believe me. I have been diagnosed as Bipolar since I was 18 and nothing has ever changed, no matter how dedicated I was being on my meds for 10 straight years or going to therapy once every other week since I was 15. Bipolar does not seem to fit me because I am never angry and I do not have mood swings, I have Tantrums. Tantrums are only in-the-moment, where mood swings can be a change in mood that last for several hours to several days/weeks. I know ASD fits me in every word that is written I have research and researched only to find myself more and more in every article. So, do I really have control over these Tantrums? Is it normal to get them so frequently when things are chaos? Will I ever learn to control them? I am sorry, I just recently had a terrible one so my mind is all jumbled and I am trying to remember what went on. Please help me if you have any advice for me or my partner who does not seem to understand. Thank you.

Theymay be meltdowns if you can't control them. Tantrums are voluntarily and then they stop right away after the person gets what they want and they are back to normal like nothing happened.

I am just commenting based on research I have done (I do not know if I have ASD but my 'meltdowns' can be pretty horrendous.) It has been suggested to me too that I have bipolar, but that doesn't seem to fit to me for the exact reasons you mentioned: my meltdowns can appear sudden and are time-limited until all the emotion and adrenaline in me has been released through my screaming, head hitting, crying hysterically, shaking - it is not like a switch in mood that can go on for days or months like in bipolar. From my research I gather that meltdowns differ from tantrums in the loss of control that league_girl mentioned: there is at least some degree of cognitive shutdown in a meltdown - so people in a meltdown can often not be communicated with, as they are acting on instinct and in fact voices can scare them and intensify the 'fight or flight' reaction. Which is why it is important that people around you do not shout or try to reason with you while you are in that state. For me, I am lucky that my partner is so understanding. I have explained to him that when I get like that, the best thing to do is to basically leave me alone, although sometimes he says he stands outside the door and listens so that he can intervene and restrain me if he hears me banging my head on the wall and injuring myself.

For someone having a tantrum - they are fully cognitively aware of what is going on, and they do not want to be left alone - they want the attention of the other person and they want to see a reaction in that person.

For me personally, my meltdowns have reduced now I am away from my parents and health care professionals, as they would do the exact opposite of what is recommended in a meltdown situation. They would shout, panic, grab me, tell me to behave, which would only terrify me when in that state as I am no longer aware of what is touching me, so my body interprets touch as threat, and then I have lashed out, which then intensifies the belief in those who see it as a tantrum, that it is purposeful, as they don't realise that there is no intent there to hurt anyone and I only lash out if someone comes at me.

I have read this book I found really helpful > http://www.amazon.co.uk/From-Anxiety-Me ... o+meltdown That book goes into detail about how you tell the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum, and how the correct way to deal with it differs. So if what you are experiencing is a meltdown, maybe you could read the book then get your partner to read it?

EDIT: This video about meltdowns v tantrums is by the same women who wrote the book, the video is talking about children but according to her book the same applies to autistic adults (just maybe slightly different situations triggering an adult meltdown, e.g. your son having a tantrum OR a meltdown himself could trigger a meltdown in you if you have sensory issues with noise) > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-iEb9eZRNE