Ex boyfriend acting weird around me = avoiding eye contact

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Alla
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16 Feb 2014, 7:15 pm

My ex boyfriend and I were dating each other for a year while he was on/off with his older girlfriend. She found out about us (we all work in the same place) and asked to meet me to talk. I told her a few things and the following day he was furious with me for talking to her. We broke things off, I told him never to talk to me again, and I went no contact for a month.

Forty days later, I go back to work (it was right after the holiday break) and he was shocked when he saw me. He talked to me briefly about some work related issue, I responded nicely, and he looked relieved that I was in fact talking to him.

A week later, we see each other at a work function and he could barely look me in the eye, would turn his back, and talk to almost everyone except me. I didn't make an effort to go up and talk to him but would give him gentle eye contact throughout. I sent him an e-mail a couple of days ago asking to meet with him in order to have him sign something for me and he has not replied, which is unusual for him.

Why the distance and nervous feelings? He knows I talk to him now and was behaving well a few weeks ago. Is he angry or is there something else going on (maybe he got back together with his ex and she told him not to talk to me?)

I ask not because I want him back but because he is the boss and I don't want to be in his bad books. I want us to be friends, but his behavior seems to indicate otherwise. What do you think is going on?



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16 Feb 2014, 8:54 pm

Well, you aren't far removed from telling him to never talk to you again after dating him for a year. You ran into him at work, and he was relieved to make things less awkward. Then at a work function, he doesn't want to be seen talking to his ex, probably because he is the boss and his older girlfriend seems like bad news. He was furious for you talking to her probably because he knows how manipulative and nutty she can be.

I don't think you are going to be friends. Not now, that he is the boss and he has this other woman. You can be on good terms, but that's probably it from what you've told me.



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16 Feb 2014, 9:02 pm

[img]http://nathanwoodward.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/facepalm-meme-face-8110.jpg[/img

First face palm occurred at "I'm dating someone im a relationship"

Second at "He's the boss".



Alla
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16 Feb 2014, 9:11 pm

Correction: he is now the "former boss" as I work in another department.



DarkRain
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16 Feb 2014, 9:24 pm

Why would you want to date someone who basically still had a girlfriend? 8O



Alla
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16 Feb 2014, 9:31 pm

DarkRain wrote:
Why would you want to date someone who basically still had a girlfriend? 8O


Ummm, because when he and I got together he had broken up with her. Because of his supervisory role, he went back to her while dating me at the same time.

My point is not WHY I did it. It was a mistake. My problem is that he is acting weird in the past ten days while he acted fine the first week after we got back in touch from 40 days of no contact.
Why can't he look at me?



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16 Feb 2014, 9:34 pm

DarkRain wrote:
Why would you want to date someone who basically still had a girlfriend? 8O


Why would you want to date someone who's your boss?


IDK, I guess whatever works for some people. I have a personal rule against dating people I work with.. ESPECIALLY the boss/manager/whatever.



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16 Feb 2014, 9:53 pm

Alla wrote:
DarkRain wrote:
Why would you want to date someone who basically still had a girlfriend? 8O


Ummm, because when he and I got together he had broken up with her. Because of his supervisory role, he went back to her while dating me at the same time.

My point is not WHY I did it. It was a mistake. My problem is that he is acting weird in the past ten days while he acted fine the first week after we got back in touch from 40 days of no contact.
Why can't he look at me?


because he is in a confused and complicated emotional state?


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aspiemike
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16 Feb 2014, 10:12 pm

I know this definitely isn't the first time I have replied to one of your posts. I remember some things you posted in the past that had me thinking "what?"

Ok. You knew you were involved with someone months ago who was involved with another woman, and I can't really remember all the details. There was something about him being more distant with you at the time as well because you were about to leave the department in which you had to work with this guy in. There was also something about how he was doing everything to make it obvious that you two weren't involved. There is also what I don't know and that is what has happened between when I last replied to or read one of your threads and now.

Now, you decided to have a conversation with this woman and this guy is mad at you for doing so. He is/was also your boss. This is just a bad situation for anyone involved. If I had to guess the reason for his being distant: He doesn't want to get caught doing something he believes to be wrong, or he doesn't want anyone else knowing what has happened.


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em_tsuj
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16 Feb 2014, 11:24 pm

There are a number of possible reasons for him acting this way. Why is not as important as the fact that he is acting this way. It indicates that he wants as little contact with you as possible right now because interacting with you makes him uncomfortable. I have a feeling bad things are going to happen if you keep exploring why he is acting the way that he is. Why not accept the message that his non-verbal cues are giving you and avoid him except for mandatory work-related activities?



FunkMasterMike
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17 Feb 2014, 7:44 am

Alla wrote:
DarkRain wrote:
Why would you want to date someone who basically still had a girlfriend? 8O


Ummm, because when he and I got together he had broken up with her. Because of his supervisory role, he went back to her while dating me at the same time.

My point is not WHY I did it. It was a mistake. My problem is that he is acting weird in the past ten days while he acted fine the first week after we got back in touch from 40 days of no contact.
Why can't he look at me?


Lol there's SO many other men you could of went after. But you went after your boss, at work. That's like actually picking the needle out of the haystack.



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17 Feb 2014, 9:49 am

Leave him alone?



MegaBass
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17 Feb 2014, 11:59 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Image

First face palm occurred at "I'm dating someone im a relationship"

Second at "He's the boss".


This.

I get the feeling he likes you but feels very awkward about the situation and doesn't want anything to happen. I would respect his wishes.



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17 Feb 2014, 12:38 pm

Sounds like his reaction is pretty reasonable.



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17 Feb 2014, 12:45 pm

Alla wrote:
My ex boyfriend and I were dating each other for a year while he was on/off with his older girlfriend. She found out about us (we all work in the same place) and asked to meet me to talk. I told her a few things and the following day he was furious with me for talking to her. We broke things off, I told him never to talk to me again, and I went no contact for a month.

Forty days later, I go back to work (it was right after the holiday break) and he was shocked when he saw me. He talked to me briefly about some work related issue, I responded nicely, and he looked relieved that I was in fact talking to him.

A week later, we see each other at a work function and he could barely look me in the eye, would turn his back, and talk to almost everyone except me. I didn't make an effort to go up and talk to him but would give him gentle eye contact throughout. I sent him an e-mail a couple of days ago asking to meet with him in order to have him sign something for me and he has not replied, which is unusual for him.

Why the distance and nervous feelings? He knows I talk to him now and was behaving well a few weeks ago. Is he angry or is there something else going on (maybe he got back together with his ex and she told him not to talk to me?)

I ask not because I want him back but because he is the boss and I don't want to be in his bad books. I want us to be friends, but his behavior seems to indicate otherwise. What do you think is going on?


Why would you want to be with someone who literally just left his ex girlfriend for you? It's going to be a repetitive cycle.


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warsend
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17 Feb 2014, 12:52 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
[img]http://nathanwoodward.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/facepalm-meme-face-8110.jpg[/img

First face palm occurred at "I'm dating someone im a relationship"

Second at "He's the boss".


Hale Bopp with the ether. The boss is the most risky person to date...obviously he controls you unless theirs someone above him. Wait a week or two and see if he changes, that's pretty much the only hope you got. If you bother him too early you'll lose any chance you got.