Dr Said He Couldn't Asses Me For Apergers

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Today I had an appointment with a neuropsychologist to get assessed and an official diagnosis. He said he couldn't do this unless someone who's known me in the last 20 years comes in to his office to answer questions about me. There isn't anyone who would be willing to do this.

He also said there isn't any therapy for Asperger's. The only cure is to be in social situations to learn how to socialize. He said there wasn't anything he could do for me. And since I was in therapy at another place for depression and on an antidepressant I should be ok.

There are a lot of services I can't get until I get an official diagnosis. How does anyone go about doing this? I also need to be assessed for OCD as well. I know for sure I have that.

Is anything this useless quack said true? How does the process work?

I'm going to try to see other doctors in another city. Maybe they'll be able to help me. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I live in total isolation. I don't have any friends and only my mother still talks to me and she is a drug addicted, alcoholic nut that I wish I didn't have to deal with.

I haven't been to church because all I do is sit there and cry and I feel like a complete nut that everyone is staring at. I have panic attacks when I have to leave my apartment for any reason. My talk therapy doesn't start for a couple of weeks. Talking about my mother and my terrible childhood has never helped me change. I've been doing it for years and I just keep getting worse.

I'm completely depressed and miserable. I can't stop crying and the thoughts in my head are driving me insane.

Your doctor sounds like he probably doesn't know what he's talking about. I would suggest seeing another doctor, and since you say you are going to do that I would add that I hope they will actually help.

Going through the whole thing of trying to get a diagnosis and services and all that is, from what I can tell, almost always long and complicated. It sucks that you have to get supposed experts who are supposed to know what they're doing standing in the way, acting as roadblocks instead of helping.

I don't know what else to suggest, because I'm not so much familiar with your situation, but I hope everything comes together for you.

It is a pain to do, but the only thing I see is to go to another doctor who is willing to work with your situation of no family or associates.

I vote you seek a second opinion, your doctor sounds like a muppet.

He might be right about there not being much in the way of therapy, but a diagnosis might help you better understand yourself.

At least you've made it as far as this website. I feel less isolated knowing that I have some form of access to people who might understand me.
(and I don't have to share my cigarettes / biscuits / tea with any of you )

ok~ im really sorry youve had a hard time.

As can be a really crap condition to have, and its made worse when you struggle even to get diagnosed. unfortunately, the reality is that getting diagnosed is a real pain, and lots of people find it really difficult. on the other hand, it means you're not alone, and tons of people here have experianced the exact same thing!

~ re~ need an adult. some places require this, not all do. theres this thread today, on the same subject~titled 'is family participation needed for adult assessment?'
i encountered the same problems. eventually, i found a place which didnt require my parents to come in~ and afterall, 'being a bit crap at relationships' is an inherent part of AS. kinda ironic to refuse someone diagnostic testing because of this...

~he's right there is no cure for AS. there are a few treatments, but its more tinkering around the edges than anything else. socialising alone more wont make much dfference to you~ you need someone to explain the way social skills work, or to work it out yourself. ive spent half my life watching people, reading books on body language etc, to better understand how to fit in~ its really been like learning a difficult subject at school. after a while it becomes easier, but for most people with AS just plunging into activities isnt the easiest way to learn. i literally had to watch, and analyse the way people behaved, and be constantly aware.

~ OCD is a common part of AS. whther you need help depends on how much it impacts on your life~ unless its a major deal, right now, i suggest you just concentrate on pushing for the As diagnosis.

~ talking therapy~ your major problem is that right now, unless this person agrees with you that you have AS, they are going to approach everything from a psychological basis, which can be counter productive in someone with AS. i had this before i realised i was AS~ in one way it helped, because now im very articulate about my feelings, and pretty open. on the other hand, it was very harmful as a lot of the time i was being criticised for my AS, and being told i wasnt trying hard enough to improve, and had a really bad attitude.
however much you say you have AS, unless this person agrees with you, they will just see you as someone who's being dificult~ they essentially see it as an insult to themselves (because they dont see AS in you, so will regard you as disrespecting them and their profession, and their collegaues etc).
its a very dificult situation.
try to get them onside. explain calmly and precisely why you think you have AS~ take in a print out of the AQ test, and explain any medical details relevant to AS~ like if you had an induced birth, have hyper mobile joints, ibs, sensory problems etc, esp anything related to AS which is in your medical records.
if you like them, then carry on seeing them, as it might be useful to have support~ sorry if i sound alarming, but its such a nightmare process, im jsut trying to alert you to pitfalls. just do be aware that they could really argue with you about whether you have AS or not, which can be incredibly frustrating!

~google your city and find out what AS groups there are nearby. they should be able to provide you with local knowledge, and help in finding someone who doesnt need parental input. they may also be able to provide you with someone who could accompany you to a dr.

~ as a final price of advice, i suggest you covertly record every meeting. those little earbuds which have a tiny mic on them are fine, and just look like you're listening to music. its useful to have a concrete backup, if a dr or receptionist says one thing then does another.
the first dr i saw- since fired- told me there was no way i could have AS, as everyone with it is highly skilled in math and science etc. total BS. he also faked up the notes of the session- if id taped it, i could have had him fired sooner.

~talking about your childhood, when you have AS, is never going to do much to help. this is part of freudian psychotherapy, and in my experiance, f*cking pointless. AS is a neurological condition. you dont need to understand about any crap from when you were 4, what type of AS you have, you need to work out what triggers your stresses, and work out ways of allievating some of them where possible.
As is a really s**t condition~ some people deal ok with it, others really suffer.

the best way to deal with it is to understand what it is, and how it affects you~ it sounds pointless, but it helps a lot of people. i know it sounds really pointless, but it does help. it makes you feel less isolated, and shrinks your problems a little. i literally thought i was losing my mind, before i discovered i had AS.

right now you need to contact a group in your area and ask for advice. yeah, your dr is a muppet who is being unhelpful. depression is an unavoidable side effect of As in a lot of people~ sometimes it can be treated w meds, sometimes it cant.
ask for advice on the best place to get diagnosed.

also, go through the boards on here, and read about things which relate to you~ sometimes its just good to know you're not alone in behaving in certain ways. other times youll find suggestions of how to deal with things, or explanations for why things happen.

wish i could help more~ hope you find things easier in future.

Thanks so much everyone for the kind words, great advice and support. I'm so glad I'm not alone and they're are people who get me and understand what I'm going through. I will try all of your suggestions.

Without these boards I think I'd be suicidal.

Yeah~ the internet really does help an unbelievable amount. Its only from AS forums that i realised i had AS~ all the official stuff 6 years ago was pretty limited, and didnt seem to relate to me. Its improved a bit since then, but its still kinda ropey.

Please keep on finding out about AS, and by extension yourself. Its impossible not to sound annoyingly hippy-ish, but the more you come to understand it, the more it will help you.

Thats not to say your life will be easy, because it can be an horrific condition to live with, but understanding it will help. Its kind of bitter sweet to know you're not alone, but, yeah, it does help.

Honestly~ re diagnosis, what you're come across is nothing unusual. Being diagnosed is a f*cking pain, which is inexcusable, given the level of difficulties many of us already face. If its any consolation, one diagnostician i spoke to told me that out of all the adults who seek diagnosis (rather than adults who have a shrink suggest it), over 90% of those who think they have it, get diagnosed with it at her centre.
So~ you probably do : )

Its like 6? years since i found out, even before i was diagnosed, but i can still remember the massive relief that id been right all those years. It wasn't my imagination, i wasn't attention seeking, i was trying my best, im not a liar or anything else. Its all f*cking AS.

Go thru the boards here and marvel that other people behave and think in *exactly* the same weird ways you do
Its quite funny sometimes to read almost verbatim your own thoughts, coming from someone else in another country : )

You really aren't alone, and, tbh, you'll learn more about AS and yourself from forums than you will in being diagnosed. That really doesnt cover very much, and is near to useless. I have periods when im mute, which is pretty severe~ this is NOT mentioned on my diagnostic resumé. Honestly~ im glad im diagnosed, as it means i have a legit excuse, but it tells *you* almost nothing. You need to find out. You never stop learning~ last year i found out that one of my problems~ being irritated by peripheral movement, is called visual crowding. In my diagnostic tests, they had no idea what it was, though i knew it was something AS. You do kind of develop a sense as to whats AS related in yourself. Like being a jedi knight, in many ways

Learn here, and in other forums. You also need to address your stress levels~ yoga and tai chi are excellent for this, also swimming, running and walking. You can do the first two at home~ find hatha yoga vids on yt. Tai chi and yoga calm your brain through slow breathing.
Also take a look at gluten and lactose free diets, which a lot of AS people find help their brain function, and overall well being.

Dont focus too much on the test right now. Ask a local group for help, and try to combat your stress. Good luck, and hugs from england : )

Dear dc2610,

I'm saddened that you are suffering like this. It reminds me of myself when I was in my 20s.

That doctor is wrong. There is therapy specifically targeted for people with Asperger's. And you can certainly get diagnosed without a witness. It's easier if you bring in baby books with your mom's notes, too.

I guess I have a fastidious mother....

Yes, I really need to do some exercise to relieve stress.

Yep, my mother was definitely too drunk to keep notes. I'm not even sure if she has any photos.

^ Cycling helps me. I can do it unaccompanied and the rhythm of the cycling seems to lull me into a more ordered state of mind. I get the same benefit from walking, though I'm much less likely to be disturbed or accosted if I'm hurtling along at speed.

If you can get a second opinion, - do.
If there is some kind of autism center or something like that in your area, you might ask there. Perhaps they know whom to seek.

Try and get school records. I know of someone who did that for adult diagnosis.
They were official papers that had tons of notes from teachers and so on describing
his behavior throughout his entire schooling. They were very useful to him.