I feel manipulated

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I recently re-connected with someone who I had met a little over 10 years ago after meeting them at a sheltered work-shop during a 30 day work evaluation. We ended up being friends about 8 years before I cut things off.

Long story short this friend has had a history of getting a little too clingy due being overly protected, living way out in the country and being allowed to get away with murder. They also did this due to boredom which led to them to calling myself and others excessively if we did not pick up. We even had tried setting rules with them in which they agreed but disobeyed countless times. They kept calling me and texting to the point that I was feeling suffocated whenever I would interact with others. I finally decided to cut it off due to feeling extremely over-loaded and snapped by delivering an ultimatum. This was threatening to call the police which gave them the idea that the relationship was over. (This was nearly two years ago)

They ended up getting a facebook account and so we re-connected while I did not hear anything about them being angry with them for making a threat. They did appear to be passive aggressive by telling me that they were too busy to see me and said I could send them a present in the mail if I liked. I cut it off for another half of a year. Yet, when we communicated they kept asking me to see them which I could not.

They recently started talking to me on FB as of this past Mon. We agreed to re-add one another and facetime as well. I decided to do that rather than give out my number right away since you can facetime using your ipad or ipod touch. Things went smoothly for a few days so I thought everything was fine. Then come last night, they did not seem as excited to talk to me. In fact, they gave me a
"Well I hate to yak and run but I really need to go." This was because their parents have strict rules when they can talk on face time during the day. So we agreed to text last night and that is when they asked for my phone number. I said I would give it to them via i message. I said "How about if we get together? Then you can have it." They then shut down and got an attitude with me and said they could not talk.

They then managed to message me on FB by sending me a nice picture which I thanked them for. They wrote back and said out of the blue "Please don't threaten to call the police on me again." I then responded with a "Oh that's a long time ago." Then they sent me a thumbs up. I then mentioned my concern that their behavior in the past was getting to a level of harassment. They did not want to talk it over or listen. Instead they pushed me away with a "Goodnight." So I gave out my number after all while having this icky feeling of guilt and emptiness.

Do I feel terrible for threatening them like that? Yes. At the same time, I don't think I am obliged to put up with inappropriate behavior. I tried talking about this on the in depth adult section but both people who I talked to showed a lack of empathy. So I am over here instead.

It was after that I had this sick feeling to my stomach. I don't want to cut off the relationship so soon but I do want to establish boundaries with them without them being insulted.

How do I set them without feeling manipulated like that? I am thinking of what to say but I need some time.

Umm, so, most recently you said 'Oh that stuff was a long time ago' and then proceeded to talk about it and started to place a lot of relevance on it?

Usually the sentence 'that was a long time ago' means that it's not something that is being considered as pertinent to the here and now. So when you then start to talk about what happened back then, it sounds rather contradictory. That's why this person then gave you the cold shoulder. It's quite clear what happened 10 years ago IS still an issue to you, and this person is hurt or saddened by your attitude.

As to you feeling manipulated by them...Well, if you feel manipulated by someone, you probably shouldn't be having a relationship (even if it's just a friendship) with them. That said though, -I- don't really see you as being manipulated by them at this point in time from what you've described. My perspective is that you are feeling manipulated when there is no manipulation being done because you're very worried that this person WILL manipulate you, and so you're seeing manipulation potentially in every action this person does.

Manipulation is largely about perspective, right? Like, if someone openly and outwardly convinces me of something, then I don't perceive that as being manipulative. But if they have some sort of alteriour motive that they did not disclose to me for convincing me of that thing, then I would call that being manipulative. In both hypothetical cases though, the outcome is the same, I've been convinced of something. Therefore manipulation is about perspective, not outcome.

All one can do in a relationship is to be trusting and have yourself be open in return. Being this way will invariably require a lot of patience and a lot of understanding on both people's parts though, as sometimes things are hurtful. Like, the fact that you're still worried about how clingy this person will become is hurtful to them.
Honesty, patience and compassion go a long way.

But be honest with yourself too. Will this person's past actions always haunt you? What would it take for you to not be concerned about them being manipulative? If you can't forsee a future where you feeling manipulated wouldn't always be there, then sad as it may be, I can't imagine this relationship will develop into anything good.

No we met in 2004 and had a long relationship until 2012 when I cut things loose the first time. Then we re-connected for about 4 months last year and then cut it off the second time.

You are right I am be cautious because I am scared that they will call me that many times. The reason why I said "That's in the past" was because they did not seem to bring it up the last time re-connected. When they said it to me out of the blue, it caught me off guard and I did not know quite what to say.

If you were me, what should I say without sounding harsh like that? You are right, I do not want to sweep things under the rug.

No that is okay. I will edit to make it sound clearer.