Too Caught Up In Yourself?

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So I have noticed lately that I am making people upset. I can see that cause I end up pushing them away before they can do it too me. For example, my sisters daughter has sensory issues (not diagnosed but from what I can see) and I tried to bring them up too her. Since I do not know how to bring things like that up I just start rambling off facts and relating them to what I see her daughter do. Well, she thought I was telling her that her daughter was Autistic. I told her now, she has some traits but I think its related to sensory. Then she keeps telling me she is find, then I end up taking it personally because I am a professional of 10 plus years working with children her daughters age, I am very detailed with my job and I know more than the average person does about kids. Mostly cause I grew up with them instead of children my age. I can read them, I can see quirks and things that parents would not notice. I tried to explain my reason behind my concern and she did not want to hear it. Then it more became about me being insulted because she did not take me seriously or in to account that I have a gift with kids (which everyone has told me even her). I do understand its her daughter but I do not understand why my concerns as a professional and her aunt are invalid. So I start sending her examples and explaining myself through emails and giving links and all this time I know I am being over bearing and crossing boundries, I do not really know why, but I know what I am doing most people dont take it to that extreme. I offered to do a test with her, which is a bunch of activities and they are fun that we could all do together so I could just let her see what my concerns are. She said she looked over the test and she is fine... No, this test involves actually doing activities. So now I think she is insulting my certification. I explain she needs to actually DO the activities with her and their is a special way to test. She said she knows her daughter and doesnt have too. She is not a very good parent in my eyes cause if someone told me (a professional none the less) my son may need extra help, I would get a second opinion. She said the Dr.s never point anything out so she must be fine. I told her they did not with me or my son and look at us now. Years too late. I tried to explain that unless they are professionals of certain disorders they are only going to notice severe situations. Now I am completely insulted that she does not trust my opinion as a professional and her sister.

SOOO my question is, do you guys ever go too far with something you KNOW your right about? Do you dwell on it and is it hard to let go for a while? I deleted my sisters numbers and email address just so I could not be tempted to send something new every time I remembered something I want to explain. Let me know how it works with you all. Sorry, I am still steamed about the subject so I am probably rambling and running on.

strangely enough,we have had the very same experience; did the same thing about one of the nieces of mine on an autism group-am certain she is autistic and have seen so many traits in her,have always been right with everyone have sussed out;it happened over facebook with us,sister went absolute mental when she saw the post;it didnt mention any names and wasnt self diagnosing her;deleted it when she asked and we havent spoken since;that was weeks ago,all the nastiness was one way;was made suicidal by her abuse.

although when pregnant with her first two she had always said she doesnt care whether they turn out to have downs or autism or other disabilities she knows she can give them the best life possible, her attitude has since changed and she sees autism as a terrible label; being a life sentance to never getting anywhere or doing anything.

she apologised for the viciousness in her messages and said that she just doesnt want to hear the possibility of her children being in any way disabled because that means they will have a harder life.
parents;mothers in particular can be extremely territorial and protective,theyre like hens,they can take a lot of sht but any percieved threat of their children and they will kick off big time.

My sister said the same thing when she was pregnant. I mean, I am a mom, I get defensive but if someone who has a lot of knowledge on a situation says "Hey, keep an on on this because..." I dont know why its such a big deal. I would rather get an opinion then to just completely ignore a concern from my family. I know I upset her with all the information I was sending her, and I got very offended so I am sure my letter was more nasty than hers. I just do not like people ignoring obvious signs and then telling me I am not an expert. I LIVE it, not to mention, Kids is the ONLY subject I know everything about so to say I am not an expert is like telling me my life has been a huge lie. At first I thought she was agreeing with me cause she kept bringing up concerns (to friendly with strangers, unnecessary tantrums over pants or shoes, sleeping late waking early, difficulty with forks and spoons) but I guess she was just bringing things up, not because she was actually worried about them. I get so confused of what people want from me. What the hell is the point of all this knowledge we can keep if no one wants to listen to us, especially when its important? I am sorry your sister freaked out on you as well. I guess I will never understand why my sisters need for her child to be "normal" is worth more than getting her help she MIGHT actually need.

So you talk now? How long did it take to start talking again?

I can relate. I do that here with addiction and mental health treatment. I take it personally. I realize now that it is not going to do anything, so I think real hard before I post something here. I realize that not everybody is as obsessed about psychology as I am. I've done it my whole life with other stuff, not realizing that I was offending people. I see sharing knowledge as a gift because I value knowledge so much. I think other people take it as criticism, like I am telling them that they are doing something wrong.

My guess in your situation is that your sister doesn't want to think about her daughter being abnormal in anyway. She sees your attempts to help as an attack (as you trying to make her think about stuff that upsets her). You see her disbelief as an insult, like she is questioning your honor (that is how I feel when I am in such situations). The question I always ask myself is, "Why doesn't he/she trust me? Can't they see that I have good will, that I am not trying to hurt them?"

One thing to consider - just because she hasn't acknowledged your concerns doesn't mean that she isn't considering them. Sometimes people need time to accept things. If her daughter has these issues, it changes your sister's life, and that can be scary.

Also, the more you keep pushing, the more it may seem like you're more interested in controlling the outcome, than supporting your sister. You have shared your concerns; ultimately what to do next is her decision.

I know I was just asking if people with ASD get caught up in stuff like this often? Is it common for them to spill themselves till the people they are telling things to get annoyed and angry with them? I do not do this all the time but I often have "episodes" (as I call like to call them) where it feels like I am just bursting with honesty. I feel like I hold alot in cause of what is "acceptable" and what is not for social situations, that I end up just hooking onto a particular incident and I turn it into a huge train wreck full of overwhelming honesty and facts and I push people away. It doesnt really bother me till maybe a week or so later. I really do not think she is considering them. My sister is very blunt and she said my accusations were pissing her off and her daughter was perfectly fine. Anyway, I dont know why I do these things. I just get exhausted trying to not be me... then I explode with a mental throw up of words, facts and anything else that releases the tension feeling in my body and brain.

The after effect is almost as exhausting and wonderful as the end of a meltdown, tantrum or fit of rage. It puts me too sleep and I feel more relaxed and happy the next day. This happen to anyone else? I would say it happens twice a year.

I've run into the mindset that different=bad many, many times. I'm not sure if this is what you're up against, but perhaps a possibility. I understand the release you speak of as being authentic for even a brief moment, vs kowtowing to the accepted social dances.

Ahhh, I get it now. I'm NT, so sometimes I'm slow to catch on to these things.

I am sorry, I can not follow your words. They are not flowing good enough for me to understand. Would you mind "dumbing" them down for me please? Just so I can understand and respect your post

This is how I read your situation, but I could be wrong...

Your sister might be getting angry because she is hearing "this is wrong with your kid". People seem more comfortable ignoring or dismissing anything that seems different or foreign. She might not believe you, or it might be too scary for her to hear. You have all this evidence to try to prove your case, but your sister is reacting with emotion instead of logic.

I may have gone off on my own tangent at the end of my last reply. Sorry for a poor edit.

OK Then you have answered my question lol. Thank you so much and no worries, I have to find rhythm in sentences in order to understand them, I know... I am weird haha. Thank you so much though, you helped me understand.