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Joe90
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27 Feb 2014, 1:10 pm

Why do some NTs think that going to bars is the only way to socialise? I thought they'd know better that there are loads more ways to socialise, and that there is more to life than drinking and dancing in a noisy, overcrowded bar. I know I don't feel like I have enough of a social life, but going to bars isn't really my thing. I don't like drinking alcohol, I don't like tarting myself up in mini-skirts and what have you, I don't like drunk people or rowdy youngsters, I don't like being out late at night, and I am shy and quiet. I know it is just not my thing, but the way some NTs believe that I am missing out if I don't go out to bars makes me feel ashamed of myself. I know I shouldn't believe everything people tell me but I do know that going to bars is a trend in people aged around 16-30, and at the moment I fall into that age range where I, um, ''should'' be doing all that crap.

There are plenty of other ways to socialise and enjoy yourself. I do voluntary work at week-ends and socialise with the people there. I stay in touch with a friend that lives a bus ride away who I visit about once a week and we hang out, and we know a few people around who we stop and have a chat to and occasionally go out for coffee or lunch with. I go to work and talk to the people there. I get on the bus quite a lot and I know some of the drivers and the passengers and sometimes have a chat. I phone a friend who had moved far away but we still keep in touch and have long chats on the phone. I do have men that like me and so will probably find myself a boyfriend soon. I know my social life is not that big but I am still trying and I don't need bars and pubs to enjoy myself.

Does anyone else get closed-minded NTs that tell you to go to bars and think that will expand your social life and solve all your social problems? I know they mean well but I do wish people will learn that going to bars is not everyone's thing. Even some NTs that I know of don't like bars (they're the NTs I prefer to hang out with the most).


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BirdInFlight
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27 Feb 2014, 1:39 pm

Don't listen to them -- I'm sure whoever is telling you this means well, but that advice is very narrow, shallow, and only right for one kind of person who likes that kind of thing as a lifestyle. There are lots of other ways to live and be social if desired, and your description of your own life proves that.

It's a shame when people let someone's mere age dictate to them what they think that person should be doing to have fun, and it seems to me that these people are giving this advice only based on the age group you're in. But I was the same as you -- I didn't care for that whole thing. And now that I'm a middle aged lady I don't care for activities people think someone my age now should be doing either, haha!

Tell these people calmly: "I'm not really a bar kind of person as it's not my cup of tea, and I do actually have lots of social activity that I'm quite happy with, thanks."

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GivePeaceAChance
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27 Feb 2014, 2:02 pm

there is a bar I go to once a month with certain friends, but for me mainly we have coffee together, at least in a coffee house you can speak without shouting (drinks are cheaper and taste better also)


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LupaLuna
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27 Feb 2014, 2:16 pm

I wouldn't mind going out to the bar and getting drunk. After all. My social skills jump way up when I'm drunk. The only problem is. My mother was an alcoholic and it ultimately killed her and I've avoided it as much as possible to keep from getting addicted to it myself.



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27 Feb 2014, 2:28 pm

Bars are the worst. Noisy and crowded. I never go to bars and my social life is plenty active. Ignore those people.


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Soccer22
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27 Feb 2014, 2:40 pm

I laugh at those suggestions. it's an ignorant one size fits all type of suggestion. I don't like bars and I prefer intellectual environments and conversation. They can go fall off their bar stool if they want but I will not be partaking.

I think your social life sounds fun, and I wouldn't change a thing about It if it makes you happy.



GiantHockeyFan
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27 Feb 2014, 2:53 pm

When I turned 19 several people invited me along to get me out of my shell. Not only did I hate the bar scene, but it made me even MORE shy and reserved because I was so unbelievable awkward and out of place. I would have fit in better in a Muslim Mosque or Hindu Temple than I did at a bar and the $$$ I spent for crappy drinks and annoying music was nothing short of insane! I think some girl was flirting with me and I was so oblivious it's downright embarrassing.

I might go on Wing night or an occasional social event but I will NEVER be in a bar after 10pm for any reason. How people enjoy them is a mystery to me.



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27 Feb 2014, 3:07 pm

I'd rather go to a bar early before it is filled with noise and people. Really, it's hard to socialize when you have to yell to be heard.


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ASPartOfMe
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27 Feb 2014, 3:33 pm

Agree with all of the above


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beneficii
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27 Feb 2014, 3:58 pm

Soccer22 wrote:
I laugh at those suggestions. it's an ignorant one size fits all type of suggestion. I don't like bars and I prefer intellectual environments and conversation. They can go fall off their bar stool if they want but I will not be partaking.

I think your social life sounds fun, and I wouldn't change a thing about It if it makes you happy.


Yup, and these people just assume that if you would just try it you would fall in love with it and condemn you for not trying, even though chances are you have tried and found that you didn't like it!


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GivePeaceAChance
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27 Feb 2014, 4:03 pm

beneficii wrote:
Soccer22 wrote:
I laugh at those suggestions. it's an ignorant one size fits all type of suggestion. I don't like bars and I prefer intellectual environments and conversation. They can go fall off their bar stool if they want but I will not be partaking.

I think your social life sounds fun, and I wouldn't change a thing about It if it makes you happy.


Yup, and these people just assume that if you would just try it you would fall in love with it and condemn you for not trying, even though chances are you have tried and found that you didn't like it!


I am amazed at how common this is - "I am ....... so you need to be also" fill in the blank with anything, comfortable in situations, a persons religion, their hobbies, their orientation or anything


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arielhawksquill
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27 Feb 2014, 4:11 pm

If you weren't complaining about your social life, people wouldn't give you such useless advice.



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27 Feb 2014, 4:50 pm

This weekend, I was around a bunch of people (smart nerdy types) who still thought that going to bars was the best way to socialize.


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27 Feb 2014, 4:54 pm

LupaLuna wrote:
I wouldn't mind going out to the bar and getting drunk. After all. My social skills jump way up when I'm drunk. The only problem is. My mother was an alcoholic and it ultimately killed her and I've avoided it as much as possible to keep from getting addicted to it myself.



Your social skills aren't better when you're drunk. Your inhibitions are lower, and you do things you wouldn't otherwise do...whether they're good things to do or not. EVERYTHING you do seems right to you.

I wonder what others think of your social skills when you're under the influence.

Have you asked anyone? (I mean, not some boozer, but rather a responsible person who won't just tell you what they think you want to hear.)


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27 Feb 2014, 5:00 pm

Way I see it, if you don't like going to bars, you probably prefer friends who don't go to bars.

I'm not sure exactly where you might find friends like this with similar likes and dislikes, but I can say with some confidence that you won't find these people in bars.