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hanyo
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27 Feb 2014, 5:32 pm

double post



Last edited by hanyo on 27 Feb 2014, 5:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.

hanyo
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27 Feb 2014, 5:35 pm

I went to bars with my friend when I was younger. Although I enjoyed it at the time I never made any friends that I saw outside the bar.

I'd never go now because I don't drink and I don't want men to hit on me.



CockneyRebel
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27 Feb 2014, 11:31 pm

I've always seen bars as meat markets, so I like to avoid them.


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droppy
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28 Feb 2014, 4:55 am

No one ever advised me to go to bars to socialize but I think it's damn stupid and I wouldn't do that anyway because I hate bars.
The only times I went into bars in the past were hen I wanted to buy an ice-cream or needed their toilet or needed to buy some other food/water. I haven't been in a bar that is not the school bar since I was 13.
I hate bars because they're full of noise and men who scream for I don't know what reason, also I hate alcohol and don't drink so why should I go to bars? Not to mention that I am not even 17, what could I do in a place full of older men who might also be drunk?
I agree that there are a lot of ways of socializing that are way better than going into bars and IMO are safer. I met my friends by going to places related to my interests/talking about my interests and this is how I met people who shared my same interests.



ouroborosUK
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28 Feb 2014, 5:41 am

First as you say if you don't like bars there are plenty of other ways to socialize. If people just give you offhand advice to go to bars to socialize, you can just ignore it. If they want to go to bars to socialize with you and you want to socialize with them, maybe you can reach a compromise. Not all bars are the same, not all of them have drunk people dancing, loud music and shouting everywhere. But you have pubs and bars which are rather quiet places where you can have an intelligent discussion in a comfortable setting without having to shout. If the point is just to socialize in bars with friends that may be an option.

About bars in general, the thing is that they work a bit like Facebook : people won't make new friends there, NT people use them to strengthen or maintain existing social bonds and to prospect for sexual partners. In other words, people go to bars with other people they know and don't speak to strangers, except if they are sexually interested in them. Once you understand that you just have to ask yourself if you want to do those one or both of those two things and if you are comfortable doing them in the context of a bar. If the answer is no, just don't go to bars.

I have to say that there are some very few bars which are actually something else and when you can really meet new people without it being always sexual. They are usually not "vanilla" bars but places where you can also do something else, like play games, or bars linked to a cultural, political or social thematic (activist/radical places, medieval bars, bars with cultural/philosophical talks, conferences, etc.), or sometimes place with good live music (real high quality music, not just a band to make people dance and drinks more expensive). People can also go there to socialize with friends and look for sexual encounters, but they are also there for something else (playing games, taking part to cultural, political or other activities, listening to music). This provides topics you can use to actually communicate with people instead of just having to make social noises.


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cyberdad
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28 Feb 2014, 5:43 am

I spent many years socializing in bars in my 20s naively thinking I could pick up girls (I never did).

Instead I met some of the most boring self-centred and narcissistic individuals that NT society can produce. I also damaged my liver unnecessarily.



ASPartOfMe
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28 Feb 2014, 2:12 pm

cyberdad wrote:
I spent many years socializing in bars in my 20s naively thinking I could pick up girls (I never did).

Instead I met some of the most boring self-centred and narcissistic individuals that NT society can produce. I also damaged my liver unnecessarily.

In the 80's I went to clubs alone specifically to see bands or because the music they played I was interested in. After I that I became a regular at a local pub for 20+ years. The were mellow NT's and actually got to like me after awhile. Towards then end although I did not realize it at the time because I was still unaware of my autism we had a little possibly ASD group of 3. One guy looking back I am pretty sure about he used the same expressions over and over again, he had narrow particular interest (heavy metal/hard rock) and a steady working class type job, there was no women in his life. But he seemed happy with himself. The other guy I am less sure about also had a steady working class type job, very into Metallica and always complained about his lack of success with women. He was a very good looking guy.


But I was lucky with time, place and less sensitivity issues then most here. Bars will be a nightmare for most here.


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28 Feb 2014, 2:20 pm

I keep on getting invited to go to the pub after work.

I'm not being funny or anything but the people who I work with are boisterous enough without a skin full of alcohol in them. Just being around them exhausts me sometimes. There's no harm in them though.

I keep telling them no and that I'll go another time.

I will do too one day, just to show willing though.


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WillMcC
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28 Feb 2014, 9:04 pm

Sometimes I'll go to bars if everyone else is. I do not drink, and many times the noise is too loud to have a proper conversation, so I usually get bored and leave.


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PerfectlyDarkTails
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28 Feb 2014, 9:54 pm

It depends where you live, sometimes living in very small towns and villages rather than larger communities and cities do limit some people's socialising options.

I live in a place that is mostly full of bars, clubs and nighttime activities it shows with all the sick around the place, especially weekends. :wink:

There can be huge social pressure to go this socialising route.

We should be aware that with the Internet, potential for socialising is virtually unlimited.

If one thing works for you don't meant it'll work for anyone else.


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