For the self-proclaimed "nice guys/girls"

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Lesson 1: Being a polite, respectful human being is not enough.

In fact, this is just the base line for how every human being should behave. Whether you want to date someone or not, treat them with good manners and respect. This will not get you a boy/girlfriend, but it will mostly get you treated politely and respectfully. Smile at people, it's bound to make someones day a tad brighter

Lesson 2: Have a personality and interests.

Like astrophysics? Great! Like staying at home watching movies? Brilliant! Get annoyed when people track mud through the house? Awesome! Make time to learn facts about your obsessions, but also do things like watch the news. It gives you a rough idea on what is going on in the outside world, and helps you start conversations with people, not to mention keep conversations interesting. Do things like go for walks, go to parties, go to the movies or theatre, go to lectures etc. It's a balancing act of keeping one foot in society so you can relate to it and keeping the other foot in your obsessions so you have some substance you can contribute. Plus, it means if you DO get a boy/girlfriend, it's not totally their responsibility to keep you entertained. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you merge into one being! Have your own life!

Lesson 3: Have a backbone.

People are going to piss you off. There are also bad people out there. There are people who are being treated badly, who are having bad days and take it out on others. Sure, you don't want to get into fights, but you are well within your rights to be assertive. Even if it's just a "whatever, man" and walking away from a bad situation, or trying to get your point across, you need to be able to have the confidence to either walk away with your head held high or defend yourself. Rolling over and saying "Sorry, I'm wrong all the time and you're totally right!" is just plain ugh! You're entitled to bad days, to feel angry, sad, happy, numb, elated, whatever you feel like. Stand up for those rights!

Lesson 4: Even if you get all of the above correct, you're still not 100% entitled to a boy/girlfriend.

Sorry. But at least people will respect you, be interested by you and trust you right? You might get a lot of good friends, and even though they're really no replacement for love, I know from experience that sometimes hanging out with your friends is the best tonic ever (I have 4 best friends and we're like sisters. We look out for each other no matter what!).

I probably haven't explained very well, because I suck like that, but I saw a post somewhere where someone was whinging that all us women did was rat on the "nice guys" without giving any advice, so I thought I'd try and give some. You need to be whole before you can be a functional part of any relationship. Yes, being single sucks (left my ex in 2011 and I'm starting to feel the pinch of lonliness) but there's no need to be bitter about it. Yes, other people have great relationships and we don't, but you know what? Good for them! May their relationships remain happy, and may we learn from their examples and have our own great relationships - romantic or otherwise. Yes, there are some s**t people who are in relationships, but so what? That's not our problem. People will date who they want to date, and yes it does get hard to continually suck it up and accept it. But wallowing in self-pity and hating on others for having what we want won't get us anywhere, in fact it will repel a lot of people including potential friends and employers (who wants a sad sack bringing down the morale of the team?!). There's NOTHING you can do about other people, but there is plenty you can do about yourself. Like me, the guy I like doesn't want anything to do with me. I'm pretty cut up about it, but I shelf that sadness while I'm at work and I try to make work easier for everyone by bringing in cakes etc and by organising lunch time games. At home I manage it by working in the garden, walking and keeping my house tidy. I'm sure the pain will go away soon, and I can continue to try to make the world a little better.

Sorry about the rabble at the end...I need to learn how to shut up.

Yes, and I think it's possible to admire someone with a heart of gold such as a brave firefighter, a dedicated charity worker, someone who reaches out to the suffering, etc, but the basics should always be there.

My bad, forgot to include a lesson on personal hygene.

Keep it clean peeps!

This is really the best and main point, no on e is obligated to date/"hook-up" with anyone else regardless of how "great" they are or may think themselves to be.

Value friendship and live your own life.

You are SO right. People need to understand this.

This is VERY true! And even more importantly, you don't NEED a significant other to be happy. If you think that's what will make you happy in life, you don't need to be dating. It's not fair to you or the other person to hinge your happiness on a relationship. And if you get to the point where you're happy with yourself without needing anyone else, people will like you better and be more willing to date you.

This was the intent of my second sentence - it has been 10 years since my partner died, I would still like to date but it would not kill me to never have another total relationship in my life. We were very close.

Thanks for the dose of reality, some folk on here need reminding of it now and again.

Seems to be a nice guy/girl thread every hour. Not to change the subject too much but to me dating is very similar to finding a job. No one is entitled to anything. People complain about how generation Y has entitlement issues. That everything is suppose to fall in their laps. Just because someone is nice, it doesn't mean they deserve a partner. Just because someone has a college degree, it doesn't mean they deserve to be hired by anyone. It's actual experience and competence that matters. I would approach going on the date the same way I approach going to a job interview. I'm entitled to absolutely nothing. I'll show them who I truly am and either I'll get an offer or get "there are more qualified candidates." No hard feelings.