Where do you go to talk about parenting your NT children?

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Does anybody frequent an NT parenting forum you really like? I am just at my wits end with my 4 yo twins. It seems like daily I am just losing it with them. (I am normally a very patient person, but I find myself screaming at them at least one a day.) Dinner, bathtime, and bedtime are all a struggle, and in between one is so loud and boisterous and high-strung that we're seriously wondering if she has ADHD (but the preschool teacher is not seeing any of this, so there's no chance of a diagnosis.)

Some of the problems we're having:
-- won't stay seated at the dinner table
-- wailing and screaming if she forgets to flush the toilet and I do it for her, or if I fetch her stuffed animal from another room
-- physical fights with siblings over computer time
-- very difficult getting through the bedtime routine (we are already using a visual list, which she likes),
-- calling out or coming out of her room multiple times
-- doesn't comply when I give directions like "stop kicking the chair" or "come to the dinner table"
-- difficulty transitioning into and out of the bath

As I'm writing this, I think most of the issues fall into either transitions, rigid thinking, or hyperactivity. She is the most social of the three, with excellent imaginative play, fine motor skills, and communication. (I'd be more concerned about either ADHD or an anxiety disorder than AS with her.)

The other twin is giving us less trouble at home (although we have the same issues with rigidity, bedtime, and non-compliance to simple requests), but is having trouble with transitions at preschool. The teacher reports she absolutely refused to wash her hands after outdoor time, and then had a 5 minute meltdown when she missed singing a song as a result. Again, her imaginative play is excellent, and she seems to be doing well socially. I do see some rigidity about things that reminds me of her brother.

Things are going so well with DS8 right now. The other night, he even did his bedtime routine completely independently and tucked himself in bed. When I went into his room and praised him, he said, "I wanted to make it easy for you because my sisters were so awful and I felt sorry for you."

Zette, I do feel sad for your situation. Your son proves that it is not true that all aspies do not have empathy.

Before I found out my daughter was autistic, I used to go to ivillage and was a regular in their toddler forums (so long ago those threads are unlikely to even be in their archives). The forum seems to still be active.

http://www.ivillage.com/forums/pregnanc ... about-kids

Your concern........
(

I don't know another forum, I like here. But wondering, it helped me to observe, in the classroom, get ideas how I could act and respond that sometimes worked much better than what I was doing. Maybe they would let you try that? Watching how the teachers are interacting?

I honestly don't have issues with my NT 4yo. Compared to her big bro, she is a cake walk. She has typical 4yo issues, but she is sooo easy to deal with.

One of my complaints with her is that she copies her friends, again something didn't have to deal with from DS. But I am assured that is NT stuff. And when I talk to her about it she understands and tries to stop doing it. I am not even sure why it bothers me as much as it does. Other then that, I usually tell people how I am amazed that she does things that DS never did. STILL amazed even to this day!

Is that all normal behavior you're describing?

I sometimes think there is something wrong with my child as well because I see other toddlers behaving better than him and my nephew too who is two. But he seems like a normal child to me and I know every kid is different and develops at their own pace and have their own personalities. My son could just be energetic and gets bored easily. He is older now so it has gotten harder and I can't take him to a movie because I tried that once and he wouldn't stay seated for the whole entire kid's movie so I know theaters are out of the question and anything else that requires you to sit for long periods of time. He has no patience for waiting so he acts up and gets whiny and acts up so I know sit down restaurants are out of the question and fast food is the better option or smorgus board restaurants. He also cannot wait in long lines or he gets restless and board and starts to scream and cry if he can't walk around and run around. I am hoping this will all pass. If not, something is wrong or maybe he just has to learn to deal with it but I would hate to drag him to places and be a bad parent because he is acting up and screaming because I won't let him run around and I ruin the dinner for everyone or disturbing everyone else while they are waiting. That is why I avoid taking him to certain places. I decided next year if he cannot wait in line, he cannot see Santa. If he acts up, we're gone, no Santa. That might teach him. he would be older then too and hopefully be old enough to understand. Want to see a movie, he has to sit in his seat and not get up and move around and no talking or making noise or we leave and not see another one for a while and he would have to show me at home he can stay seated until it ends. We try entertainment too but one he gets bore with it and is done with it, it stops working. I am amazed at how other kids his age can do it and mine can't. He did better when he was younger but age two, uh oh and I see other two year olds act better than him for long lines and movie theaters and sit down restaurants so that is why I don't take him to those.

My son is NT but he is challenging. I can get him to stop whining though and get him to get dressed or get him to keep his clothes on. My son hates naps so I tell him if he cannot stop whining and acting up, he will stay in his room and cannot come out until he is done. That works too. Better than fighting to put him to sleep. His room is his whining zone and acting up zone. He can do it all he wants in there and it saves my sanity and I am not screaming at him.

There are other things about him i can complain about like how quickly he changes his mind. he will want something and then not want it. He will do something and then want it fixed like right now he ripped his Lego train apart and wanted me to put it back together after he had pulled it apart so I told him I will fix it once but don't ask me to put it together again if he rips it apart again. he will want to eat something but right when we give it to him, he doesn't want it and wants something else or not want to eat. He will be done eating and then want it all of a sudden after he had given it to us because he didn't want it anymore. Now his new thing is he will say "eat" and then say he is full when we try and give him something and then he will say "eat" again. I turn it around on him and tell him "You just said you were full so you're not hungry." he will be eating something and then he will say he is full and want something else so I tell him "You're hungry, finish your food first." Then he says he is full and I say "You're not hungry then so you don't need anything else to eat. When you're hungry, you can finish your food." I don't know why he does this. My mom thinks it's because he is bored. My husband told me he says he is full because he doesn't want what we are giving him. If we always let him choose what he wanted to eat, it will be the same thing over and over and unhealthy food and that is not healthy for him nor good parenting on our part. So we tell him either he eats this or not eat at all and we give him healthy food choices for him to pick. He is still picking his food of course but we are just setting out choices for him.

I saw a hilarious article online about 3 year olds are as*holes and what the parent described what is three year old does, mine doesn't do but then I realized mine is an as*hole alright but he does different things that makes him one.

That was always my issue with DS. A lot of the things he did was considered NT, but it was taken to the extreme. I was always told, "all kids do this" but not to the level my son took it.

I can only compare him to my DD who is NT and light years different from him. She is a 4yo, with 4yo behaviors. But dealing with her is soooooo much easier then with him.