Susceptibility to Domestic Abuse

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Joined: 25 Mar 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,786

24 Jan 2016, 7:22 pm

I think it is more complex than that. People who are abused not only become victims, they become perpetrators. If all you know about relationships is to be emotionally or physically abusive, that's all you are going to do. There is no choice in it. You don't know how to do anything different.

I agree that abusive men and women should be held accountable. The number one priority should be protecting victims. However, punishment alone is not enough. I think part of preventing a recurrence of abuse is to hold abusers accountable AND try to teach them positive relationship skills. Some people are just sociopaths who have no remorse. Counseling won't help these people. But I don't think all abusers are like that.


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Joined: 4 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 25,977
Location: Pacific Northwest

24 Jan 2016, 7:49 pm

I have been in two bad relationships, I wouldn't say the first one was abusive.

Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.


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Joined: 24 Mar 2015
Posts: 309

24 Jan 2016, 9:31 pm

nick007 wrote:
In some ways I seem or seemed like the type that would get abused but also the type that would abuse too. I have two exes & latter on in our relationships I started feeling like I was getting used for emotional support & wasn't really listened to. Looking back I think the relationships became one sided. I was pretty clingy & needy partly due to anxiety & OCD that's better now thanx to meds. I became kind of controlling because of it & had some Aspie meltdowns with em. They had their problems too & I've been more attracted to women with problems because I could relate to them better & really want to be emotionally supportive of my partner. I grew some from the experiences thou & I'm in my 3rd relationship now & things are going pretty good & we're both supportive of each other.

Mostly that one, i.e. fatal attraction.

Plus worse families (low self-esteem, bad habit), plus falling more for the "it is also your fault, you provoked me"-strain, because aspies are more insecure (not that this has not pretty strong and detrimental effect on a NT partner, too, but it must be worse for someone who is insecure about other peoples judgments.)

In general: there is a high likeliness for a woman to experience more than one abusive relationship in a lifetime, and abusers can be quite different from one another.

At least for me (NT with a good family): thinking candidly that everybody should get well along with an empathetic and easy-going person like me. While in fact this makes clingers just cling even more. (They dont hit their other girlfriends, or at least not that much, but me, because they loved me sooooo much :eye: ).


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Joined: 24 May 2015
Posts: 116

25 Jan 2016, 4:37 am

Yes. I feel that I attract abuse and that I am attracted to abusive people. I think that many of us do, especially those of us who were abused at home.

It wasn't an easy thing to face, that after four years of abuse in a relationship, that some of it was my fault. She was mean to me from the start, before we ended up in a relationship. Things continued to get worse, the longer we were together. Yet, I stayed until she broke up with me. I did try to leave a few times, but never actually did. I didn't want to hurt her.

I would do pretty much everything she wanted me to.. And she would treat me like her dog. She finally ended up dumping me because I wouldn't cut off my best friend from my life.

After she did break up with me.. she stalked and harassed me for over a year. It was pretty scary.

It also only took her a week to get in a new relationship. So either she got over me really fast, or she never loved me. I'm thinking she just never loved me. And I feel like I wasted those years on a relationship that I can't look back and say anything good about.

Even though this was years ago, I've had a few other shorter, abusive relationships.. and I've been in a good one for over a year now.. I still have the same fears and anxieties that others have mentioned. It's hard for me to believe that anyone has good intentions with me.