NT troubled with an ASPIE father in denial. Advice?

Post Reply New Topic

Hi all. I have been raised in a household of severe verbal fighting which lead to a lot of emotional problems I currently have as an adult. Being that I am studying to be in the field of developmental disabilities and neurology, I feel like a lot of things that I have experienced are caused due to the actions of my father. Me and my mother, and the rest of my family, knew for a very long time that something just "wasn't right". We've tried going to family therapy- which only lead to the therapist asking to see my father separately. He never wanted to go, he feels that there is nothing wrong with him, and that we just "keep putting him down" all the time. It's time for me to take a stand for my family and try to help him. He is very much in denial and it is very devastating to our family. Its draining the amount of fights I endure day in and day out. I am curious and for my future children- if this is genetic and without him being treated I might never know. Please if any of you can comment back some symptoms of Asperger's and some helpful ways to guide him to therapy/treatment. It's very hard to convince a fully functional older man to go see a therapist.

Trying to change someone who does not want to change or be changed is exhausting and generally unproductive. You might be able to change what you do in ways that get different reactions.

What symptoms does your father have that make you suspect autism?

I feel for you if you grew up with an abusive father. It would probably help you if he got diagnosed. It is not going to help him. It is going to cause a huge fight. Other family members might even see your actions as unnecessarily attacking your father. They might stand with your father and against you. I don't think anything positive will happen if he doesn't think anything is wrong with him. You can't make him do anything. I know this isn't the answer that you want to hear, but it is true. If he doesn't think anything is wrong with him, he is not going to make an effort to change.

I have a parent with AS. She doesn't suspect that she has it. I am not going to bring it up for several reasons.

1) How would it benefit her? She is less than a year away from retirement, has no significant life problems.
2) I am an adult and I have to deal with the effects of her abuse in therapy and learn how to function as an adult. Her diagnosis will not help me at all in this endeavor, just make her upset and defensive because I am implying that something is wrong with her.
3) I don't need her to be screened in order to get services for myself. I have already been diagnosed and hope to start receiving services soon.

I was diagnosed with AS at 16.My father wasn't diagnosed with anything but we're extremely similar down to our mannerisms.He's always at odds with everyone else and their viewpoints.And he can be very argumentative or get worked up easily.He just thinks he's always right and everyone else is always wrong,and can't understand why everybody doesn't see things his way.He apparently doesn't realize he's wired differently.And I don't think his way of thinking is going to change at this point.I try not to talk to him too much or about certain things because of the pretty good chance it will turn to an argument or worse.

I can't proceed without thinking he has it.
I wouldn't know how to advise you without knowing what scale he's on.