why are feminist obsessed with Nice guys(TM)

Page 1 of 33 [ 490 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ... 33  Next

billiscool
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Feb 2006
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,179

06 Mar 2014, 12:18 am

Im curious,why the obsession with Nice guys(TM)
http://feminspire.com/nice-guy-syndrome ... iend-zone/
http://icedteaandlemoncake.wordpress.co ... -syndrome/
http://community.feministing.com/2011/1 ... ctim-cult/
http://wtfwhatthefeminist.blogspot.com/ ... -nice.html

These are Just a few sites.Google search,and there are alot
of feminist blogs and sites about nice guys(TM)



starvingartist
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Oct 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,104

06 Mar 2014, 1:16 am

billiscool wrote:
Im curious,why the obsession with Nice guys(TM)
http://feminspire.com/nice-guy-syndrome ... iend-zone/
http://icedteaandlemoncake.wordpress.co ... -syndrome/
http://community.feministing.com/2011/1 ... ctim-cult/
http://wtfwhatthefeminist.blogspot.com/ ... -nice.html

These are Just a few sites.Google search,and there are alot
of feminist blogs and sites about nice guys(TM)


ears burning, billiscool?



TheGoggles
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Oct 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,060

06 Mar 2014, 2:04 am

lel



sapere_aude
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2014
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 51

06 Mar 2014, 7:00 am

Because "nice guys" in general aren't very nice, and women don't like being told that they're only interested in "alphas" or "bad boys". It's an idea a lot of men get if they've been single for a while, and there's not many resources to set them straight as to what actually constitutes being a nice guy or what women are attracted to. A lot of "men's rights" sites like to complain about the plight of the nice guy or the rise of the alphas or whatever they're calling it these days, and it's not good to reinforce such negative attitudes. Calling it an "obsession" is going a bit far, but the "nice guys finish last" mentality is very prevalent and should be set right.



AngelRho
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Jan 2008
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,673
Location: The Landmass between N.O. and Mobile

06 Mar 2014, 7:38 am

I'm a nice guy, just not a NiceGuy(tm).

I'm permanently out of the dating pool and proud of it. But it's not like I haven't been there before, and I can certainly relate to some of "those" guys.

That said, I enjoyed reading the feministing viewpoint, and she makes an excellent point...that there is a sense of entitlement that goes along with being a nice guy that makes the nice guy not really so nice.

I should also add that as a married man I'm not any more "entitled" to sex than I was while I was dating. I'm only more likely to get repeat sex from the same woman. But entitled? I'll end up sleeping in the shed with that kind of attitude!

However, that doesn't change the fact that jerks appear more likely to bed women than nice guys and that women are more complicit in the act than they are with nice guys. Why is that?

The feministing link described nice guys as being clingy. Are we to conclude that women are less attracted to clingy, needy men? That, to me at least, makes sense.

Also, nice guys seem to be really into that whole monogamous romance thing. For supposed alphas, the dating pool is wide open. Nice guys have a more targeted approach, which fails because there are never any guarantees that the object of affection will reciprocate.

My conclusion is that nice guys need to stop being so clingy/needy, if that is the primary turn-off for women. They should also stop feeling entitled to sex just for being a nice guy...not even alphas or jerks are entitled to sex, so what makes us any exception? They should also maintain a less targeted approach and be open to more possibilities, expand the dating pool. And finally, if we're closing the deal on a LTR, bear in mind that jerks will ultimately be seen for what they are and lose in the long run.

Nice guys can learn from jerks in terms of what women find initially attractive on a purely superficial level. We have the latitude of bringing together the best of both worlds--charismatic personality, great smile...AND better potential long-term. Jerks are incapable of that.



Kurgan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Apr 2012
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,363
Location: Scandinavia

06 Mar 2014, 8:10 am

People obsess over it because it's a stereotype that didn't get widely acknowledged until high-speed internet became cheap and readily available. To be fair, I don't see many men obsessing over the female counterpart; the girl who sleeps with everyone and then whines about how all men are the same, how she was used, and implies that somehow, men she sleeps with owe her a relationship (despite the fact that she didn't really give them anything they didn't give to her).



91
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 30 Oct 2010
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,063
Location: Australia

06 Mar 2014, 8:24 am

It seems strange to me. Nice guys are described as the same as the so called alpha chaps, just less successful. That does not seem to be accurate to me and the articles are highly reductionist, to the point where they are not really useful. It does not appear to be rocket science to me, if your expectations don't align you don't have a relationship or a friendship. My view is that In such a situation, no one is really relating to the other in a way that is aligned with the other's wants. So its best they just go there own way, otherwise they will just cause each other grief because neither will fill the role the other has in mind.


_________________
Life is real ! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal ;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.


Janissy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 May 2009
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,508
Location: x

06 Mar 2014, 9:21 am

Kurgan wrote:
People obsess over it because it's a stereotype that didn't get widely acknowledged until high-speed internet became cheap and readily available.


Yes. I think it barely even existed as a stereotype prior to the internet. I am 47. That means my entire 20's preceded cheap high speed internet. Back then my social circle involved quite a lot of feminists and I participated to some extent in feminist groups. The concept of Nice Guy was literally never discussed. I read every feminist book I could find. Nice Guy wasn't discussed in any of them. When men talked amongst themselves without women present they may have tyalked about a Nice Guy/Bad Boy dichotomy for all I know. But women had no knowledge of what men talked about amongst themselves when women weren't around other than what appeared in men's magazines. So only a man of similar vintage to myself would know if this meme existed prior to the internet. But I do know that it was not on the feminist radar in any way prior to the internet.

After the internet came into being and then really took off, women were able to find out what men talked about amongst themselves and also dating sites came into existence. The meme seemed to build until it reached its current critical mass and pinged the feminist radar.



Schneekugel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,944

06 Mar 2014, 9:43 am

billiscool wrote:
Im curious,why the obsession with Nice guys(TM)
http://feminspire.com/nice-guy-syndrome ... iend-zone/
http://icedteaandlemoncake.wordpress.co ... -syndrome/
http://community.feministing.com/2011/1 ... ctim-cult/
http://wtfwhatthefeminist.blogspot.com/ ... -nice.html

These are Just a few sites.Google search,and there are alot
of feminist blogs and sites about nice guys(TM)


I am a feminist, and not obsessed about that. None of that links or person writing in that links, I have ever heard of. Why are you obsessed so with that topic, at least you are the one, that seem to be far more related to those then me as a feminist? Are you maybe more feminist then me?



XFilesGeek
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,210
Location: The Oort Cloud

06 Mar 2014, 9:59 am

Why are some men on here obsessed with what feminists think?


_________________
"If we fail to anticipate the unforeseen or expect the unexpected in a universe of infinite possibilities, we may find ourselves at the mercy of anyone or anything that cannot be programmed, categorized or easily referenced."

-XFG (moderator)


The_Walrus
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jan 2010
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,340
Location: Reading, England

06 Mar 2014, 10:10 am

It's mostly in response to an obsession of anti-feminists- that women have the power in relationships, and can't be trusted with it because their decisions harm some men.



AspergianMutantt
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Oct 2011
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,766
Location: North Idaho. USA

06 Mar 2014, 10:22 am

I keep saying it but people don't seem to get it.

Think of NICE as something women are to men, its a feminine trait. a nice guy is OK like one nice woman to another, but it really does not look good on a man to a women, it puts you in the friend zone.

Nice on a male comes off as needy, clingy, boring, and to easy to walk all over. nice guys also seem to be no challenge, nor as confident as women like. and its to feminine for them. Its almost like Nice is a way of saying your trying to make up for lack of male confidence by being nice.

Women want that confident male thats also ambitious. and males whom are well off at first seems that way to women, and thats why many men seems to think women only want them for their money.



Last edited by AspergianMutantt on 06 Mar 2014, 10:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

TornadoEvil
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Oct 2012
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 699

06 Mar 2014, 10:43 am

I would take a drink every time billiscool forms a new thread on this topic or a related one, but I need to drink in moderation, especially with my meds.

Because they annoy them? No one likes an annoyance.



zer0netgain
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2009
Age: 51
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,784

06 Mar 2014, 10:51 am

AspergianMutantt wrote:
Women want that confident male thats also ambitious. and males whom are well off at first seems that way to women, and thats why many men seems to think women only want them for their money.


Frankly, the problem is that men and women don't think the same way.

Men only know what women SAY they want. Women, however, don't say what they REALLY want.

Men generally have no patience for such head games.

Guys who try to be what women say they want get little to nothing for it.

I also think women have very unrealistic expectations of what they want in a man...and are never satisfied because they can't find their non-existent ideal man.



XFilesGeek
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jul 2010
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,210
Location: The Oort Cloud

06 Mar 2014, 11:13 am

Shouldn't this be moved to L&D, especially if we're going to start flinging around gross generalizations and accusing women of only wanting "jerks?" :roll:


_________________
"If we fail to anticipate the unforeseen or expect the unexpected in a universe of infinite possibilities, we may find ourselves at the mercy of anyone or anything that cannot be programmed, categorized or easily referenced."

-XFG (moderator)