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o0iella
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07 Mar 2014, 5:41 pm

I often find that my symptoms of Aspergers are a lot worse if I'm in a large group of people.

If I'm talking to one person, I can be almost indistinguishable from a Neurotypical

If I'm talking to two people, then I can still keep it up, but it's more difficult.

If I'm talking to three people, I start to shut down, and with more than three then I find it very difficult to be articulate or even communicate at all.

I wonder if others here have the same experience?



lostonearth35
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07 Mar 2014, 6:09 pm

That's true enough for me and a lot of other aspies, too. When I was younger and hadn't yet been diagnosed I enjoyed chatting one-on-one, but my conversations were mostly one sided, I went on and on mainly about my special interests, and I had a problem with talking too loudly in public. When there are three or more other people it's like I don't even exist and they don't even listen or respond to me sometimes. Sometimes I'll even make up something crazy just to see if they are listening, such as, "They just got a baby unicorn at the wildlife park today" or "And then I'm going to drink a bottle of bleach and set the building on fire". :P



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07 Mar 2014, 6:21 pm

I was just thinking about that about half an hour ago on the subway. Yesterday I was having a good conversation with my mum and I picked up on her on-verbal cue (pointing/reaching toward the paper-towel and waiting for me to give it to her at the dinner table) which I've missed on many previous occasions. I started thinking that I was doing well/better socially. Then today I had a meeting with my group for a group project at school and it was horrible. I kept speaking at the wrong times and accidentally interrupting, I got shushed for being too loud, I kept losing track of the conversation, tuning out and missing important things that then had to be repeated and explained to me.

I knew that I was better one-on-one than in groups anyway and I know that's common in ASD but it's such a stark contrast!



Adamantium
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07 Mar 2014, 6:29 pm

o0iella wrote:
I often find that my symptoms of Aspergers are a lot worse if I'm in a large group of people.

If I'm talking to one person, I can be almost indistinguishable from a Neurotypical

If I'm talking to two people, then I can still keep it up, but it's more difficult.

If I'm talking to three people, I start to shut down, and with more than three then I find it very difficult to be articulate or even communicate at all.

I wonder if others here have the same experience?


Yes.

However, I should say "If I'm talking to one person, I think I can be almost indistinguishable from a Neurotypical." I now have good reason to believe this is not the case and reason to doubt my ability to judge this kind of thing.

But yes, one-on-one I can be a fluid speaker. In groups of more than two, the more people there are, the worse it gets. Until you get to the party situation where I often imitate a deaf mute or manikin, unless I can focus in on just one person and talk as if the rest was not there.



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07 Mar 2014, 7:47 pm

o0iella wrote:
I often find that my symptoms of Aspergers are a lot worse if I'm in a large group of people.

If I'm talking to one person, I can be almost indistinguishable from a Neurotypical

If I'm talking to two people, then I can still keep it up, but it's more difficult.

If I'm talking to three people, I start to shut down, and with more than three then I find it very difficult to be articulate or even communicate at all.

I wonder if others here have the same experience?


Exactly the same for me ! !! !!

I have my dinner in the staffroom and we sit around a couple of long rectangular tables ...I'm always one of the first there and I've usually gobbled my dinner down and checking the Internet on my mobile before the others even get in there !

Then as they arrive I get more and more withdrawn ..... I presumed it was just a shyness problem ...



Zincubus
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07 Mar 2014, 7:48 pm

o0iella wrote:
I often find that my symptoms of Aspergers are a lot worse if I'm in a large group of people.

If I'm talking to one person, I can be almost indistinguishable from a Neurotypical

If I'm talking to two people, then I can still keep it up, but it's more difficult.

If I'm talking to three people, I start to shut down, and with more than three then I find it very difficult to be articulate or even communicate at all.

I wonder if others here have the same experience?


Exactly the same for me ! !! !!

I have my dinner in the staffroom and we sit around a couple of long rectangular tables ...I'm always one of the first there and I've usually gobbled my dinner down and checking the Internet on my mobile before the others even get in there !

Then as they arrive I get more and more withdrawn ..... I presumed it was just a shyness problem ...



The_Walrus
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07 Mar 2014, 8:02 pm

I prefer small group, 3-5 people.

Just two is very draining, you need to constantly maintain the conversation and pay close attention to the other person.

3-5 allows you to take a back seat if you want, but it easy enough to follow.

6 or more becomes overwhelming, there are too many people, side conversations split off, and so forth.



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07 Mar 2014, 8:52 pm

The_Walrus wrote:
I prefer small group, 3-5 people.

Just two is very draining, you need to constantly maintain the conversation and pay close attention to the other person.

3-5 allows you to take a back seat if you want, but it easy enough to follow.

6 or more becomes overwhelming, there are too many people, side conversations split off, and so forth.


Exactly



Lukecash12
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07 Mar 2014, 9:54 pm

o0iella wrote:
I often find that my symptoms of Aspergers are a lot worse if I'm in a large group of people.

If I'm talking to one person, I can be almost indistinguishable from a Neurotypical

If I'm talking to two people, then I can still keep it up, but it's more difficult.

If I'm talking to three people, I start to shut down, and with more than three then I find it very difficult to be articulate or even communicate at all.

I wonder if others here have the same experience?


You know, this used to be a big issue for me too, until I realized that I found it easy to register how that just because there are several people present doesn't mean I have to address myself to everyone present or that I'm being scrutinized by them all. If you really think about it, there's a group and then there's an effective group. The effective group is just the people in the group who you have to concern yourself with right that moment.

Now, I still have considerable trouble when I do have to address a bunch of people at once, but I've definitely pushed past my previous limits in this department. Talking to 3, 4, 5 people isn't so bad any more because I've learned to relax, I'm not stressed that they're all scrutinizing me, all waiting for me to say something awkward or dumb, as people aren't normally all that sinister or judgmental. Sometimes nowadays when I make a blunder I just say "what the hell was I trying to say?" and we just laugh. It's not a big deal. We don't "keep tabs" with each other. The reason that we like each other is because we share some things in common and we've been good to each other, not because we're all adept at making conversation, being sociable, etc. You might learn that people care less than you previously thought about being super tactful and always telling jokes that everyone gets, connecting with people, or making them say "wow" because you said something really novel.

We get into this mode (I know I sure did, and still do sometimes) of "what do they expect from me, what am I supposed to say/do?" well what if they don't expect anything? What if they are just passing the time and aren't expecting something? That's more often than not the case. As long as you basically make an effort and be forthright when you don't get something or you don't know what they expect, it's not even "water under the bridge" because it didn't even count as "water" in the first place. You don't have to pay super close attention to everyone the whole time. There's actually nothing wrong with saying stuff like this every once in a while: "Sorry, I just spaced out for a second there. Yeah, I don't get what you're trying to say. Sorry, I didn't hear that."


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Al725
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07 Mar 2014, 10:19 pm

o0iella wrote:
I often find that my symptoms of Aspergers are a lot worse if I'm in a large group of people.

If I'm talking to one person, I can be almost indistinguishable from a Neurotypical

If I'm talking to two people, then I can still keep it up, but it's more difficult.

If I'm talking to three people, I start to shut down, and with more than three then I find it very difficult to be articulate or even communicate at all.

I wonder if others here have the same experience?

Sounds exactly like me. I can actually be an extrovert when conversing with one person but put me in a group, espeacially with people I dont know and I'll end up just standing or sitting there wringing my hands. I also have a problem keeping up with the topic of conversation which seems to change way more rapidly than I can handle. I would just be starting to get comfortable talking aboug cars when all of a sudden everyone is talking about their bosses. This can be really frusterating and is the reason I will find every excuse in the book to get out of going to parties when I'm invited.u



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07 Mar 2014, 10:57 pm

The_Walrus wrote:
I prefer small group, 3-5 people.

Just two is very draining, you need to constantly maintain the conversation and pay close attention to the other person.

3-5 allows you to take a back seat if you want, but it easy enough to follow.

6 or more becomes overwhelming, there are too many people, side conversations split off, and so forth.

My upper number can be a little higher, like 6-8, maybe even 10 depending on who they are, (who they are, context and topics matter more than actual number; even an entire class can work) but beside that I agree that at least two is generally better. It takes the need to perform off of me which I need because I so often don't have anything to say. I don't tend to feel drained while I'm in a situation like that, that comes afterwards when I go home. Then I find I'm exhausted (but that's not unusual for introverts).

If the topic is rather personal then I hate being more than one-on-one if I'm doing the main talking. if I wanna talk to A about something personal I don't want B to be around and listen no matter how close I may be to them because that's just awkward. (For me A tends to be my mother, B my father).

lostonearth35 wrote:
Sometimes I'll even make up something crazy just to see if they are listening, such as, "They just got a baby unicorn at the wildlife park today" or "And then I'm going to drink a bottle of bleach and set the building on fire".

That may not be such a good measurement of whether someone is listening to you. I know that when others do that I just ignore them with a "there they go again" attitude. I'd know they weren't serious about it, but I'd find it lame and ignore it, and I think that's fairly common, so it might not be a very good way of testing if they're paying attention.


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