How the hell I am supposed to deal with this?

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OliveOilMom
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12 Mar 2014, 8:56 pm

I would just say that since she's 10 you should make sure you have her password and check her messages and things every so often. As for adults being friends with kids on FB, most of my kids friends are on mine and were back even when everybody had MySpace. It's a way of keeping an eye on things and maybe saying something supportive when one of them is having a bad day. It's also a way to make sure you can get in touch with everybody at once if need be, ie; "DD lost her phone, please help keep an eye out for it" or "DS is sick, if you would be interested in going by the office to get his work tomorrow please inbox me", etc. I'd just monitor it and if you see any bullying then pull the plug. But, remember that sometimes kids post things that don't make sense, like lots of times they just post song lyrics for no reason.


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LtlPinkCoupe
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13 Mar 2014, 1:21 am

I have mutual FB "friendships" with several of my teachers from high school, but then again, I'm 22 and in college.


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13 Mar 2014, 4:31 am

There is a difference between being insencere and stubborn. If you have a certain information level, do because of that an desicion and then change that desicion based on information, because of someone whining: "PLEAAAAAAAAAAEEAAAASEEEEE!" then thats wrong.

If you have an certain information level, do an descicion according to that information, but then decide that any further information must be ignored until all time, so that your oppinion will be ultimatively right until eternity, you are simply stubborn.

There is nothing bad about negotiating with your kid about stuff, as long as its abouts valid arguments. "Pleaeaeaease!! !! !! !! !" or "But Nancy, Ashley, Tom and Brad are as well allowed are no valid arguments..." While there is nothing wrong about taking the arguments, that she is border school, and so has it anyway way harder to stay in contacts with friends, as well that she will agree to allow you to check her account from now and then, because of you being afraid about her security of creepers.

Stuborness /= integrity. Changing your mind without reason behind it, is too avoid. But being willing to rethink an desicion, if you receive new information and come to another conclusion, based on that new information, does not let you look bad.



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13 Mar 2014, 6:39 pm

I thought you'd enjoy this, guzzle...just after I go on about how benign facebook is! Now it turns out that the NSA has been posing as facebook to infect computers with malware that among other things, logs keys, and hijacks the computer's camera and microphone. http://www.latimes.com/business/technol ... z2vtBAKIIs


-there's nothing really special about facebook there, other than it's a popular site...they could just as easily do that with google. Just thought you'd enjoy it.



InThisTogether
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14 Mar 2014, 8:24 am

guzzle wrote:
In my view it is morally wrong to teach my 10-year that is is acceptable to lie. And to get on facebook as a 10-year old you HAVE to lie about your age.


I get what you are saying. I really do. But I wonder if you are being too concrete in this specific instance.

My son is obese. He (and I) wanted him to have a teenspark account so that he could use it to learn more about what, exactly, he is eating, and how he can improve his eating habits. The problem is, you have to be 13, and he is not.

He had a very hard time lying about his age because he is very black-and-white about those things.

Then I explained to him that the reason they have that cut off is because dieting can be dangerous if not done right, and the younger you are, the harder it is to understand whether or not what you are doing is dangerous or healthy. I explained that in this particular instance, it was OK to put in a different age, because I was going to be supervising him, so the danger they were trying to prevent--a young child misusing the site and damaging their health--was not applicable. I also told him that, as his parent, it is my right to determine what is and is not appropriate for him, and I had determined it was appropriate under my supervision.

The truth is, there are lots of "rules" out there that are made for very generalized liability reasons. There are also "rules" out there that are simply silly and sometimes downright stupid. To me, because my son has a tendency to rigidly adhere to things in a black-and-white manner, I look for opportunities to show him how the "grey" works so that he will not be bound by inflexibility.

I've also found that forbidding my kids from doing something that their peers do simply on the basis of some abstract concept , such as "truth," doesn't necessarily end up working well. There has to be something more concrete and it requires true discussion where you respect their views and answer their questions to get them to "buy in" to your restrictions. I find that if you don't do that, they tend to sneak behind your back anyway. My kids have more restrictions than most of their friends and you know what? They are fine with it because they agree with my reason for having the restriction and the reason they agree with it is because we have discussed it.

And to be honest, I would rather have my kid lie about his age to sign up for a fb account (I do not do fb, btw), and be able to tell me the truth about it so I can help him navigate through it, than to have him in a situation where he feels compelled to lie to me about something.


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ASDMommyASDKid
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14 Mar 2014, 10:42 am

Teaching what rules are "OK" to break is tough. We had an issue with the age guidelines on toys (the ones that have nothing to do with safety.) My son's interests are all over the place and NT age guidelines stopped being relevant once we passed the choking stage. Luckily the "baby" toys are appended with a plus, but for games that correspond to older kids' interests I literally have to cross out all the age guidelines and replace it with his age.



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15 Mar 2014, 7:49 pm

"Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly." -- Life's Little Instruction Book by H. Jackson Brown, Jr



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15 Mar 2014, 8:49 pm

My mom was always able to explain to me about rules and I would accept what she said. One example was age groups. Computer programs and toys and games all have an age group. I thought if a toy said ages 4 and up, no one under that age is allowed to play with it. We had this computer game called Treehouse and it was ages 6-10 if I remember correctly. I thought when I got to age 11, I won't be able to play the game anymore because it said ages 6-10. My parents told me it's just a guideline, if I still enjoy the game, play it. The age is just here to tell parents if their child will enjoy the game or not and if they are able to play it or not and won't be too hard for them. It's to help parents figure out if they should buy the game for their kids or not and if they will enjoy it. If I still enjoy it at age 12, play it.

It's the same with video games too, they have ratings to help parents figure out what is appropriate for their child and what the game contains. If the game is rated E, it means the game isn't violent, it has no graphics in it, no bad language, no violence, and if the game is rated E 10+ it tells parents the game is challenging and it may be too hard for children under that age. It does not mean someone can;t play the game because it's rated T and they are only 12. It's just a guideline. I also think it may be for liability too because some parents may love to blame things their kids did on a video game so they have ratings.

Just keep pointing out these gray areas and now they know that gray area now and won;t be black and white about that area anymore because they have been informed. They just have to be stubborn to not accept it so they stay black and white in that area.

I had no idea the age for facebook was a guideline and for liability. I really thought kids were not allowed on it until they were 13. Now I know.


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momsparky
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15 Mar 2014, 8:56 pm

League_Girl wrote:
I had no idea the age for facebook was a guideline and for liability. I really thought kids were not allowed on it until they were 13. Now I know.


No, I think your first thought was right: no one is supposed to be on Facebook until they are 13. If you put your age in as under 13, Facebook will prevent you from creating an account (lots of email providers do this as well.) You have to actively lie to Facebook to create an account for a child younger than 13.

The movies, games, etc. are guidelines for the parent - you are allowed to buy them or watch them - and in fact, a store can legally sell them to you without parental consent. (I watched my son's friend buy an M-rated game with no adult supervision at all - I was going to go in and help him as I knew he had permission, but it turns out I wasn't needed.) If you are under 17, you are allowed to go into an R-rated movie - but officially you have to be with a parent or guardian; you don't have to lie about your age.

That being said, there are lots of people who don't think Facebook's rule is reasonable and who allow their kids on it - I wouldn't, especially with an Aspie kid who has a hard enough time socializing face-to-face, but I'm not in charge of any other kid but my own.



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15 Mar 2014, 9:27 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
I would just say that since she's 10 you should make sure you have her password and check her messages and things every so often.


Lol, just did. Maybe this will sort itself out. I halfheartedly hid the tablet in our bedroom on friday but she could not help herself and found it when we were out this morning. She gave me the password last night though.. I'm pretty sure she went on FB when were out. And this is what I get when I log in now.

Quote:
You're Blocked from Sending Friend Requests for 14 Days.
Numerous people have indicated that they’ve received requests from you and don’t know you.

We understand that you’re trying to add friends on Facebook, but Facebook is for connecting with people you know personally, not strangers.

If you continue to send friend requests to people you don’t know, you could be permanently blocked.


I understand that sending friend requests to people who don't know me could cause me to be permanently blocked..



Gonna show her this in the morning and take it from there. Might decide to delete the account alltogether but can she then ever start a new account under the same name is what I wonder :?



guzzle
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15 Mar 2014, 9:35 pm

cubedemon6073 wrote:
"Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly." -- Life's Little Instruction Book by H. Jackson Brown, Jr


I try to teach her to "do as I say, don't do as I do" She understands. I am allowed to spoil my appetite by tasting the spaghetti sauce as I cook it. She is not.



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16 Mar 2014, 12:43 pm

These are DS's rules:

1 Parent must always know the password - no changing it.
2 Parent must okay all friend requests - no asking or accepting friends without permission.
3 No games (apps) without permission.
4 No posting photos.

Also, DS uses a fake name and fake personal information. He uses Facebook to talk to family members who live far away, and also to play games such as Farmville.



OliveOilMom
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17 Mar 2014, 1:57 am

guzzle wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
I would just say that since she's 10 you should make sure you have her password and check her messages and things every so often.


Lol, just did. Maybe this will sort itself out. I halfheartedly hid the tablet in our bedroom on friday but she could not help herself and found it when we were out this morning. She gave me the password last night though.. I'm pretty sure she went on FB when were out. And this is what I get when I log in now.

Quote:
You're Blocked from Sending Friend Requests for 14 Days.
Numerous people have indicated that they’ve received requests from you and don’t know you.

We understand that you’re trying to add friends on Facebook, but Facebook is for connecting with people you know personally, not strangers.

If you continue to send friend requests to people you don’t know, you could be permanently blocked.


I understand that sending friend requests to people who don't know me could cause me to be permanently blocked..



Gonna show her this in the morning and take it from there. Might decide to delete the account alltogether but can she then ever start a new account under the same name is what I wonder :?


That just means she sent friend requests to either friends of friends or people who didn't know her "in real life". FB will ask you when you get a friend request if you know that person in real life. If you say no then they delete the request and report it. So, even if I don't know the person, but we have friends in common on FB (it tells you if you do) I either accept it or say "not now". Also, FB will send you lots of suggestions for friends and you click "add friend". It's under "people you may know". I've gotten that same message for sending requests to only the people FB suggested for me. That's probably all it was.


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ASDMommyASDKid
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17 Mar 2014, 5:40 am

Also, remember, kids can be mean. She may have sent requests to people she does know, and they may be pretending not to know her, just for the LOLs. I am not saying she is not requesting friends of friends, to be her FB friends which is probably what it is, but speak to her first to make sure.



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17 Mar 2014, 5:52 am

The thing with facebook and age limit, is simply that by declaring that there is an age limit, they are no longer resonsible and cannot be sued, if anything bad happens. It simply means: "We are not your babysitters, and we will not care and are not willing to be responsible by law, what your kids do on facebook. By officially declaring that we dont support kids having accounts below 13, we mean its your f*****g job, to care what your kid does at that age, not ours." Its simply to keep them safe. So they are not pursuing any accounts beyond 14 and try to eleminate them or whatever, but if something happens, they cannot be made responsible by law. Which means that you as a parent must decide on your own, if you think your kid is already matured enough to use facebook, or what rules you want your kids to have about facebook.