Body language- Makes people think I'm a liar

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BlueBerrySnow
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14 Mar 2014, 10:57 pm

I'm a woman in my early 20s with Asperger's syndrome. My family, friends, and acquaintances always think I'm lying about everything and don't trust me because of my body language and sometimes eccentric wording of situations I experience. When I'm telling the truth and acting what I would consider my version of normal, I look like a neurotypical person lying. It's so frustrating, because people tend to think I'm this terrible person who can't be trusted. "Oh, well that's convenient" or "Oh, I'm SURRRRREEE you're telling the truth". They pretty much let me know they don't believe a word of what I say, which is odd to me, considering I'm TOO honest at times and go overboard with honesty and hurt people's feelings. I guess not making much eye contact and talking in choppy sentences makes me look like a liar to many people. Example: My family was thoroughly convinced that I had stolen money from my mom. I swore I didn't, but everyone thought I was lying and told me I should be ashamed of myself. 3 weeks later, it turns out my brother had stolen it and the guilt had got to him, so he confessed to the whole thing. My mom was shocked and said to me "If you didn't steal it, why did you look so guilty when I asked you about it? I was positive it was you". Soooo...no one trusts me, and I consider myself a decent person who rarely lies to anyone. Anyone else in a situation similar to mine? Do you ever wish you could prove your innocence during stressful times like this, but no one believes you because of your body language and mannerisms?



auntblabby
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14 Mar 2014, 11:43 pm

wrong planet syndrome. :alien:



starvingartist
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15 Mar 2014, 2:41 am

BlueBerrySnow wrote:
I'm a woman in my early 20s with Asperger's syndrome. My family, friends, and acquaintances always think I'm lying about everything and don't trust me because of my body language and sometimes eccentric wording of situations I experience. When I'm telling the truth and acting what I would consider my version of normal, I look like a neurotypical person lying. It's so frustrating, because people tend to think I'm this terrible person who can't be trusted. "Oh, well that's convenient" or "Oh, I'm SURRRRREEE you're telling the truth". They pretty much let me know they don't believe a word of what I say, which is odd to me, considering I'm TOO honest at times and go overboard with honesty and hurt people's feelings. I guess not making much eye contact and talking in choppy sentences makes me look like a liar to many people. Example: My family was thoroughly convinced that I had stolen money from my mom. I swore I didn't, but everyone thought I was lying and told me I should be ashamed of myself. 3 weeks later, it turns out my brother had stolen it and the guilt had got to him, so he confessed to the whole thing. My mom was shocked and said to me "If you didn't steal it, why did you look so guilty when I asked you about it? I was positive it was you". Soooo...no one trusts me, and I consider myself a decent person who rarely lies to anyone. Anyone else in a situation similar to mine? Do you ever wish you could prove your innocence during stressful times like this, but no one believes you because of your body language and mannerisms?


unfortunately, i can relate to all of this. my own friends always assumed the worst about me for this reason, even though my actual behaviour consistently demonstrated that i was in fact an extremely conscientious and strictly moral person. i think the eye contact thing is the key. i also sometimes think that (at least subconsciously) they resent our hyper-honesty and they project that resentment onto us as distrust.



auntblabby
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15 Mar 2014, 2:44 am

my absence of body language [I eventually gathered] put me into the "uncanny valley" with most people.



paxfilosoof
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15 Mar 2014, 2:45 am

Perfect book for you ...
http://importantbooks.wix.com/autismevolution#!books


PLEASE PEOPLE LISTEN IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE THIS SOCIETY READ THAT BOOK
-- Pax, neurotypical



auntblabby
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15 Mar 2014, 3:23 am

thank you pax :) will have to squeeze it in.



starvingartist
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15 Mar 2014, 3:58 am

auntblabby wrote:
my absence of body language [I eventually gathered] put me into the "uncanny valley" with most people.


there is a single arena thusfar i have discovered in which this particular feature is an advantage--the poker table.

everywhere else it's balls.



auntblabby
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15 Mar 2014, 4:13 am

starvingartist wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
my absence of body language [I eventually gathered] put me into the "uncanny valley" with most people.


there is a single arena thusfar i have discovered in which this particular feature is an advantage--the poker table. everywhere else it's balls.

too bad I lack the sporting genes.



Waterfalls
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15 Mar 2014, 7:18 am

I learned eye contact early, that probably makes a big difference. Apparently I don't do it in a typical way, but somehow learned to do it as a task so the thing that bothers me is having to think about looking and looking away. I'm not focused on the other person as a person looking at them, I'm thinking about the conversation and their nonverbal signs they may be getting uncomfortable and remembering to look and to look away.

You could ask but IMO this is not likely to be a conscious thing on their part, so it's not likely they could tell you. If you trust them at all, you could ask.

I'd probably ask someone I trusted and would have trouble trusting someone who accused me of lying.