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TheMighty_Moo
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16 Mar 2014, 3:16 pm

I personally have had a lot of issues with body language. Those "hints" people give by trying to talk to us without using words and the fact that I can't really process them since there's just too much information/data I need to work on, drives me mad sometimes. Though I have some little tricks that really helps me out when I interact with people. Some of them are the ones I learnt from other sources and they're actually pretty accurate.
What about you guys?


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16 Mar 2014, 3:23 pm

The hints people give are to do with verbal language, not body language. e.g. Person A asks Person B: "Hey do you hang out in this area much?". Person B assumes Person A wants to hang out with them sometime in said area. If person B has AS they aren't always going to pick up on it.



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16 Mar 2014, 3:42 pm

You can learn a lot about body language by reading books about the subject, but it may create more problems than it solves. I have become fascinated with the subject, but the other comment is correct.. Will do you better to understand the context in which words are used. Understanding body language is an excellent hobby though.



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16 Mar 2014, 4:14 pm

This video provides tips on that (and other similar things). Not sure if you have the time to read it, but thought it may be helpful: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-xgdqNtcDI



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16 Mar 2014, 4:35 pm

I got way better at reading body language simply by paying more attention to it.


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Rocket123
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16 Mar 2014, 5:04 pm

smudge wrote:
The hints people give are to do with verbal language, not body language. e.g. Person A asks Person B: "Hey do you hang out in this area much?". Person B assumes Person A wants to hang out with them sometime in said area.


That's interesting. I am not quite certain I understand why Person B would ever come to that conclusion.

Personally, I have asked others on numerous occasions, "Do you come here often" not as an invitation to "hang out", but instead out of curiosity.



Last edited by Rocket123 on 17 Mar 2014, 9:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

CaryGrant
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17 Mar 2014, 4:29 am

Hi

I had such trouble with it myself. I think one of the most important things I did was to approach it in way to give body language just as much important as to what someone says. And to always have that in mind.

The books I used were The Definitive Guide to Body Language by Allan and Barbara Pease. Also this is not technically a book but Mind Reading by Simon Baron Cohen is a software programme that helps you to learn all different facial expressions and I find that really useful.

I have to warn you, these skills take time to build up. You have to be extremely dilligent at practicing. At least 10 or 15 minutes as a minimum.

Another thing I would say is have someone to help you to check things. E.g. I ask my therapist about things such as if I am being laughed at or people are laughing with me.

But I can attest, it is definitely worth it. I know the book says "definitive" in its title but that is crap because learning about body language is a skill you have to keep learning and keep adding to for the rest of your life. Especially if you're an Aspie.

Hope this helps.



smudge
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17 Mar 2014, 12:11 pm

Rocket123 wrote:
smudge wrote:
The hints people give are to do with verbal language, not body language. e.g. Person A asks Person B: "Hey do you hang out in this area much?". Person B assumes Person A wants to hang out with them sometime in said area.


That's interesting. I am not quite certain I understand why Person would B ever come to that conclusion.

Personally, I have asked others on numerous occasions, "Do you come here often" not as an invitation to "hang out", but instead out of curiosity.


I wonder if you confused any of those people! I don't usually pick up on their intent either.

I think behind the simple questions people ask, there is always a hidden meaning or intent behind it. To us conversation such as smalltalk looks pointless because we just don't see the meaning behind it.

...Hey, I think I've just solved NT language!!



Rocket123
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17 Mar 2014, 9:21 pm

smudge wrote:
I think behind the simple questions people ask, there is always a hidden meaning or intent behind it. To us conversation such as smalltalk looks pointless because we just don't see the meaning behind it.

...Hey, I think I've just solved NT language!!


Do you believe this hidden meaning/intent is hidden to everyone? Or simply aspies? Maybe it's not that hidden. Maybe we are simply oblivious.



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18 Mar 2014, 1:25 am

smudge wrote:
Rocket123 wrote:
smudge wrote:
The hints people give are to do with verbal language, not body language. e.g. Person A asks Person B: "Hey do you hang out in this area much?". Person B assumes Person A wants to hang out with them sometime in said area.


That's interesting. I am not quite certain I understand why Person would B ever come to that conclusion.

Personally, I have asked others on numerous occasions, "Do you come here often" not as an invitation to "hang out", but instead out of curiosity.


I wonder if you confused any of those people! I don't usually pick up on their intent either.

I think behind the simple questions people ask, there is always a hidden meaning or intent behind it. To us conversation such as smalltalk looks pointless because we just don't see the meaning behind it.

...Hey, I think I've just solved NT language!!


Or you could be devoting way too much thought to it. Both can be true depending on the person. "Neurotypicals" aren't just typical and the same. They don't necessarily always have a hidden meaning. Maybe it can be hard to get for us but sometimes it's fun to socialize just for it's own sake, or to just blurt something out without putting a lot of thought into it.


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18 Mar 2014, 7:55 am

OK, I think everyone has taken me quite literally on the hidden meaning thing!

Note: Bear in mind when I say NTs and aspies it's for simplicitys sake, I'm not trying to generalise but am trying to best explain this example.

What I meant was - that the meaning is very clear to the NTs. For instance, you don't just go up to someone and ask to be their friend. You build up to it in roundabout ways, such as the example I gave earlier. It's their way of finding out if you are even remotely open to getting to know them better - say a first question being whether you even hang out in the area or not. If you answer, "No" then that's one subtle pushback for the NT. If you continue not to pick up on what they're really saying, then they think you (the aspie) appears uninterested, and the NT gives up...and in future may be a bit off with you when you try with them because you 'rejected' them. Or they may just leave you alone.



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22 Mar 2014, 8:39 am

Sometimes the question of whether someone comes there a lot can also be asked in order to avoid someone. I have. Actually what I said was: "Do you go there a lot?" about a place it turned out we both went to at times.
I've also been asked something similar by someone who didn't wanna run into me (not going into either of those two incidents).


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01 Apr 2014, 12:17 am

TheMighty_Moo wrote:
I personally have had a lot of issues with body language. Those "hints" people give by trying to talk to us without using words and the fact that I can't really process them since there's just too much information/data I need to work on, drives me mad sometimes. Though I have some little tricks that really helps me out when I interact with people. Some of them are the ones I learnt from other sources and they're actually pretty accurate.
What about you guys?

I was always adept at body language. NOONE else in school knew how to use body language. Only times I didn't use it was when I was in a tense situation (trying to save energt for the fight duh). Never had any social issues. I was actually quite a preferred companion. I never felt socially awkward. Until I started taking pills that is. Why I was diagnosed with aspergers is beyond me. I couldn't sit still for vert long vut then again, I was a boy growing up so nothing special about that. I had friends and it wasn't weird until I started taking pills. Didn't habe balancing problems or anything either. People started asking why I'm so weird when I started using pills. In other words, nature for the win. But the original point was that NORMAL people didn't know much about body language. Years have passed and guess what? They're still not adept at using body language and misunderstandings are also easy to come. Fortunately, when I'm there, they'll instantly be sorted out. I see bullying? Bulying is a misunderstanding also so obviously I stop it. To this day, my classmates don't know why I was like that but I should probably tell them. You guys have forgotten to research normal people. To know what is abnormal, you must first know what is normal. Just do what fedls right and remember that noone is a bad person and any fights you have are misunderstandings.



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01 Apr 2014, 4:57 pm

Yeah read a book on it. I read a book about body language, and suddenly I started noticing things that NTs can see. For example, if someone starts rubbing the back of their head for no reason it means they're uncomfortable.