I want to be "cured"
17 Feb 2007, 12:40 pm
Do you want to be "cured"?
AS, has to me, only had negative side effects, and I mean _only_ negative. I find it very hard to make new friends, it's practically impossible for me. I'm socially incompetent, I can hardly communicate with people that I haven't met before. I have _all_ the social differences. Do I have an extensive logical ability? No.
Eh, well, I think you get it. AS has only caused problems, and nothing positive. I don't get it why people are proud of their diagnose - there's nothing positive about AS.
(Sorry for the grammatical errors.)
17 Feb 2007, 1:11 pm
I agree. I'm very lonely. My first job; I screwed up adn didn't understand how to fix it....i had to quit. I always want to quit and start something new; I always think it will be different next time and it's the other person's problem. i've got hte problem and i want it cured.
I take zoloft and i'm happier and more accepting now; however, it's not a cure. I still screw up and i'm not part of the club in groups.
TheMachine1
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17 Feb 2007, 2:15 pm
GOOD ONE, and I LOVE your avatar!! !
Yeah, I haven't had some of the fancier talents some AS people have. I have seen a LOT of the bad(too trusting, too honest, too quiet/passive, too altruistic, too literal, too willing), etc....
Still, have you ever seen the movie "what's so bad about feeling good" ( http://imdb.com/title/tt0063799/ ) ? I wish Aspergers WAS a disease, just so I could SPREAD IT! The economy would improve, people would be better in a LOT of ways. If everyone had it I would be less special, but be better off, and they generally would be ALSO!
Frankly, I don't want to be cured. Even when I was really depressed I doubt I would have wanted it.
Steve
17 Feb 2007, 2:15 pm
There's nothing wrong with wanting to be cured. Unfortunately, there is no cure today and there probably will not be one in the near future. However, there are treatments (especially effective in people under the age of 10) and it is possible to learn better coping strategies. The WP article section is a good place to start.
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TheMachine1
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17 Feb 2007, 2:38 pm
I don't want to be cured. AS make me authentic, creative, and original, and it gave me talents that my friends and family want to have (my memory, lerning skills, way of thinking).
When I was a child my life was hard, now I'm getting all the gains of that painful experiences. Remember: "No pain, no gain".
17 Feb 2007, 2:42 pm
Forget the DX of AS for a second.(I never knew there was such a thing until this past summer),so I never functioned under the premise of a "cure" for who I am.I functioned under the premise that......."people do not like the me I am and I cant change them and cant change many of the things they dont like(unaware of what exactly made me not fit in with them),so I must either stop needing them to like who I am or I can leave this environment that is causing me so much pain."I considering becoming a hermit but didnt think I could totally overcome my need for some form of human interaction.That left leaving the planet all together.When I was younger....leaving meant waiting for the aliens to come get me.Around 15,death seemed like a more practical solution(I thought there was a possibility that death itself would sever my ties with this reality and reunite me with my planet.,I am glad I never knew about that Hale-bop suicide club,I probably would have joined and I dont do well in groups).
NOW....reconsider the AS DX.Here are some options besides suicide.
You cant "cure" AS...it is brain wiring.You can learn skills that will enable you to learn to read others and give non-verbal communication.There are medications you can try, to effect the level of your anxiety or depression, which can effect your ability to function in an alien environment and possibly enhance your ability to use these new skills.A lot of people with AS find this process of "faking NT" draining and frustrating and not worth the effort involved.If it was a "formula"......
A=interacting with NT=cost of 50 units to 1 million units
B=gains of interacting with NT in social situations=gain of 50 units
C=gain of interacting with NT in specific situations=gain of 0 units to 1 million units or more
The question you need to ask yourself is.....in which situations is the gain worth more then the cost?This will be different for each individual regardless of AS or NT....I think the major difference is that NT's seem to have some sort of internal computer that does this collation automatically and unconciously.If you want them to seek to interact with you....you must make your own gain outway the cost in their minds(which they will never tell you because they dont even know they are doing it)
(Long before I was aware of AS), I was re-evaluating my priorities after I decided to stop using alcohol to try and fit in with people.The first cost analysis was that alcohol( to overcome senory issues and be part of a group )was not worth the benifits of being around alcoholics(very little gain in that social group).The next cost analysis was in what parts of myself that had once brought me comfort and happiness,that I had been taught to suprress since childhood,should I readopt.I chose to wear clothes I liked,dumpster dive and hunt for rocks when I felt like it,collect stuffed animals,inspite of how others might view me.I made the dicission,that only the people who could except me as I am were worth the effort it took to be in a social relationship.(There have been a few people who liked this about me and others I eventually abandoned because they wanted to change me).
There are some social interactions that are worth the cost of suppressing "myself".I value my financial independence.I dont want to live at the "mercy" of a government whose own cost analysis states that not being independent makes you less then the full value of a better producer/consumer.The social/psych services is not designed to make you a "better" person but fodder to feed the social service machine(a huge industry that provides many jobs for people who are to low functioning themselves to work in private industry) or a product to shape into a better consumer/producer.
I taught myself the "rules of engagement" in finding and maintaining employment.I researched jobs that would require less social interaction with "normals" and allow me to avoid certain sensory/executive function overlaods.Most importantly,I think<I found a "nitch" working over-nights that no one else wants to work and tends to attract other people with more "issues" then I have.That gave me some value beyond the deficits I have.Looking for work and working are huge drains on me.I often feel that I dont have much left over for the cost of social interaction but can recharge my batteries with my "interests" and my overnight schedule has 3 days to 1 week "off" between shifts.I dont know how people manage to work the 5 days in a row thing with only 2 days off.
So break it down to a cost analysis.What do you value and what are the costs?Seek the balance that works best for you.I dont have any "aspie gifts" either and there are others here who arent savants.I just know it never worked for me to use some "formulaic" value sheet designed by and for NTs.(I personally dont think it works for a lot of NT's either but they just never have to find one that does because they can "survive" using the formula...just not be happy.)
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17 Feb 2007, 2:51 pm
THANKS for the video! MAN it brings back memories!
As for my reference, here is a comment that sums it all up:
Silly but fun, 29 June 1999
Author: Colleen Ressler ([email protected]) from Ann Arbor, MI
This movie was very silly but fun and actually a little thought-provoking. Mary Tyler Moore and George Peppard play two hippies who live with several of their friends in a dingy New York apartment. Their only goal in life is to "tune in and drop out" of mainstream society. After a toucan carrying a "happy virus" infects them, however, they "clean up" their acts, and begin to dress and act like your typical 60's establishment types. Moore and Peppard begin to think about marriage and children. The virus spreads all over New York City and people begin to be nice to one another. This alarms the makers of such products as alcohol, tobacco and gambling since demand for these begins to plummet! I always liked the scenes where rude New Yorkers begin to treat each other with respect and kindness, and the "hippy pad" was intriguing to me as a little kid. It wasn't just the silliness of the movie, though, that I liked. It actually made me think about how just waving a wand and making everyone happy would have a lot of unintended consequences. It was an early introduction for me to the economic concept of opportunity costs.
That ALSO kind of sums up what AS means to me! Hard worker, altrustic, lack of vice, happy with relatively little. If only I kept really true to that, outside of the altruism. Altruism is GREAT if most people do it. As more people don't, it becomes almost a kind of self invoked slavery.
Steve
17 Feb 2007, 3:38 pm
NOW....reconsider the AS DX.Here are some options besides suicide.
You cant "cure" AS...it is brain wiring.You can learn skills that will enable you to learn to read others and give non-verbal communication.There are medications you can try, to effect the level of your anxiety or depression, which can effect your ability to function in an alien environment and possibly enhance your ability to use these new skills.A lot of people with AS find this process of "faking NT" draining and frustrating and not worth the effort involved.If it was a "formula"......
A=interacting with NT=cost of 50 units to 1 million units
B=gains of interacting with NT in social situations=gain of 50 units
C=gain of interacting with NT in specific situations=gain of 0 units to 1 million units or more
The question you need to ask yourself is.....in which situations is the gain worth more then the cost?This will be different for each individual regardless of AS or NT....I think the major difference is that NT's seem to have some sort of internal computer that does this collation automatically and unconciously.If you want them to seek to interact with you....you must make your own gain outway the cost in their minds(which they will never tell you because they dont even know they are doing it)
(Long before I was aware of AS), I was re-evaluating my priorities after I decided to stop using alcohol to try and fit in with people.The first cost analysis was that alcohol( to overcome senory issues and be part of a group )was not worth the benifits of being around alcoholics(very little gain in that social group).The next cost analysis was in what parts of myself that had once brought me comfort and happiness,that I had been taught to suprress since childhood,should I readopt.I chose to wear clothes I liked,dumpster dive and hunt for rocks when I felt like it,collect stuffed animals,inspite of how others might view me.I made the dicission,that only the people who could except me as I am were worth the effort it took to be in a social relationship.(There have been a few people who liked this about me and others I eventually abandoned because they wanted to change me).
There are some social interactions that are worth the cost of suppressing "myself".I value my financial independence.I dont want to live at the "mercy" of a government whose own cost analysis states that not being independent makes you less then the full value of a better producer/consumer.The social/psych services is not designed to make you a "better" person but fodder to feed the social service machine(a huge industry that provides many jobs for people who are to low functioning themselves to work in private industry) or a product to shape into a better consumer/producer.
I taught myself the "rules of engagement" in finding and maintaining employment.I researched jobs that would require less social interaction with "normals" and allow me to avoid certain sensory/executive function overlaods.Most importantly,I think<I found a "nitch" working over-nights that no one else wants to work and tends to attract other people with more "issues" then I have.That gave me some value beyond the deficits I have.Looking for work and working are huge drains on me.I often feel that I dont have much left over for the cost of social interaction but can recharge my batteries with my "interests" and my overnight schedule has 3 days to 1 week "off" between shifts.I dont know how people manage to work the 5 days in a row thing with only 2 days off.
So break it down to a cost analysis.What do you value and what are the costs?Seek the balance that works best for you.I dont have any "aspie gifts" either and there are others here who arent savants.I just know it never worked for me to use some "formulaic" value sheet designed by and for NTs.(I personally dont think it works for a lot of NT's either but they just never have to find one that does because they can "survive" using the formula...just not be happy.)
You did so many of the things that I did. I realized early on that the NTs don't know why they do what they do. It's like they have some secret code book in their brain and they label it things like "common sense." If it was so common, they could spell it out.
You are exactly right about breaking it down in to logic. If A and B then C. And it is all about how much it's worth it to you to fake being a NT. It is faking it. I can't stand these people who want to teach coping mechanisms as if we will suddenly understand what the heck the NTs are doing. That isn't what happens and I think that causes so much depression. It's much simpler to realize they have no idea why they do what they do...they just do it. It makes it seem less like we're missing something they have figured out. They didn't figure out anything, they just do it. It's hardwired. Every time you ask them to explain it in pure logic terms, they break down because they can't.
So, just make up your mind how much it is worth to you to be friends with them. If it's worth it, learn it and do it. Don't try to figure it out. Just learn it by rote. It will never make any sense anyway. And don't be messed up if they are mean to you, inconsistent or use you. All typical NT stuff that goes on every day under the guise of social niceties.
But, also don't kid yourself that you can't be you and be liked. That is not true. And if your cost analysis says it isn't worth it, stop doing it and be yourself. You don't need to apologize for who you are. Someday, you will stumble onto someone like you and before you know it, twenty seven years later you will still be weird and wonderful best friends. If you join the right groups or get into the right job, you'll find even more people like you and won't feel so lonely.
Krex is absolutely right. Look for a job that doesn't require a lot of social interaction. Krex found something completely different than I did, but amazingly similar to my best friend. These are jobs that drive other people out of their minds, but we love them. Temple Gradin (sp?) says that she puts herself out there first by her profession and her portfolio. Then, people are more willing to ignore the other stuff. That is true with me as well. We couldn't be in more different jobs, but that is true of both of us. So, there are ways to get along.
And don't despair, my husband decided he liked me when I was writing all over napkins and paying no attention to him whatsoever. His clean freak self didn't even freak out when he went to my place and found me sleeping in a bed piled with books, a typewriter (now we are really going back in the day here) and piles of paper that were my stories. He didn't even lose it when he found out that my roommates had been making sure I ate and that I bought new clothes if I went to the laundry mat and someone didn't do my laundry for me. All of that and he was actually good looking and popular! Imagine! He didn't think I was too bizarre at all. He still doesn't. He is a big help in navigating the NT world and do you know what he tells me often? Don't worry about them. They don't know why they do those things either. You aren't missing much.
You will find your rhythm in life. I'm not sure how that happens, but it does. Just learn as much as you need to know to get along and get the things you want out of the normal world. Don't worry about all that other stuff. Sometimes I think the diagnosis hurts us because it seems so hopeless to hear it can't be cured. But, you can find your way so you just hang on and fight back. You do have a right to be here even if you are an alien. We're all aliens too and we made it. Just remember that.
17 Feb 2007, 7:03 pm
If I was an NT I would have absolutely nothing today. The pain and difficulties I endured have given me the discipline and abilities that very few NT's posses. The first 36 years of my life were pure hell. At the age of 39 I have a life that most people envy. Most NT's would have blown their brains out years ago if they had to endure what I did. My aspie brain gives me the ability to persevere in the face of hardship. I always wanted to be an NT but now I pity them. Most NT's are like animals. They operate on pure instinct and have absolutely no clue as to why they do what they do. We aspies on the other hand have a far greater awareness as to why we do what we do. I have learned to apreciate my aspie brain and would not have it any other way. I am the one who is now having the last laugh. A life well lived is the best revenge.
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17 Feb 2007, 7:05 pm
There have been times when I wished that I could be cured or have been born NT. There are a lot of things that are pretty negative about being an aspie. However, I also think that that is a function of living in the NT world (i.e. where the rules are the NT rules), rather than a function of the "condition" as such.
When I've thought deeply about what a "cure" would mean, I find I have an overwhelming feeling of panic. I would be really concerned that I would lose what makes me me, and I really don't want that.
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