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onewithstrange
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29 Mar 2014, 8:41 am

Sometimes if I'm in a crowd of people or classroom, I'll say something that I guess comes off as socially inappropriate for the given context and people will chuckle. My assumption is that I'm often interpreted as being rude because I don't give the right tone of voice. For example, once a teacher apologized to me for not being able to come up with examples for tech writing that apply to my major, to which I said "I don't care." I meant the teacher didn't have to worry about consuming time to find examples but I guess it came off as rude. I don't know why and I doubt they'd tell me, or if it's even appropriate to ask.

Anyway, being laughed at is very demoralizing for someone who doesn't know society's rules. Does this happen to anyone else and if so, how do you deal with it?


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leafplant
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29 Mar 2014, 9:55 am

It still happens to me on a fairly regular basis. I have learned a lot so sometimes I know exactly what they are laughing at and then I can just join in and we can all laugh together about it but sometimes I have no idea and depending on the situation and how close I am to people/how comfortable I will ask 'what did I say' and sometimes they will explain, in which case I just add another entry to my personal database of social interactions or sometimes they will just shake their heads or leave after a short uncomfortable silence in which case I just have to take it with good grace and either try and figure it out on my own or just don't care about it and forget it.



Oceanni
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29 Mar 2014, 4:47 pm

I just got laughed at by the staff of the building I live in (apparently for asking something dumb), so yes, this happens to me, and yes, this will probably keep happening. I have noticed that humor most of the time tries to derail the attention form one subject/element to the other. For example: my brother always mocked me or laughed about my reactions when I said something that came across as "too true" for him, or rude, or when I called him out on something that made me upset. Thus, he derailed the attention from him to me, and people on the table would stop thinking that he acted wrong and would focus on me. Now, there's of course the situations in which we say things out of place, but I have always preferred to ask for clarification, no matter if it's someone who knows I do this a lot to fully understand or a total stranger. If the information is really needed or I'm curious, I will always ask even when they tell me the answer while still laughing about it. But of course, if the matter seems dull or irrelevant enough I will try to think that it doesn't affect me in any way, and that in the worst case they're the ones being uncomfortable, not me, and if nobody is crying or angry then it can't be that bad, and I remove myself from the situation by leaving if I can.


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em_tsuj
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30 Mar 2014, 1:30 am

It happens to me. I get embarrassed by it. I try to learn from the situation. I also try not to take it personally. People expect you to act normal. I can't act normal sometimes. Some people are going to laugh at me. I try to learn what is socially acceptable in each situation and do that so that I don't get laughed at.



Summer_Twilight
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30 Mar 2014, 11:03 am

I don't know if you are a fan but this is a good example:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ip17UQLwzCI


As you can see she was trying to help and be serious but everything she says comes out awkward.


I think that is a common thing for people on the spectrum. You say something that you think is serious and then you get laughed at unexpectedly. I have been guilty of doing it myself at someone who is on the spectrum. They are trying to be serious but I end up laughing at them no matter what.



onewithstrange
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30 Mar 2014, 3:20 pm

It's probably a mechanism we developed to mold other people's behavior into some sort of social standard, and I'll probably always be laughed at. From the replies, the best course looks like just taking note of what I was doing and simply don't do that again. It still makes me angry and very frustrated. Anyone know of some good ways to vent about all this?


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31 Mar 2014, 12:07 am

I've been laughed at too. I wore a new outfit to a formal dinner and the top kept shifting and making me fight and tug at it, and I saw a person I had respected copying me and laughing and getting others to join in. The others looked slightly uncomfortable laughing but were too weak to go against such a popular woman. Forever in my mind she will be "that two faced b***h" because there is no call for such cruel behavior no matter how silly my twitching might have looked.

I cut the pretty buttons off that top and trashed it. I also instituted my new rule about dressy clothing and comfort. I don't care how good it looks, I will NEVER attend any gathering of people in any clothing that is not sensory happy for me.


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Rishikesh
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31 Mar 2014, 2:52 am

onewithstrange wrote:
From the replies, the best course looks like just taking note of what I was doing and simply don't do that again.

You will do that again if you don't understand what you did wrong.

onewithstrange wrote:
Anyone know of some good ways to vent about all this?

"One must howl with the wolves. When at Rome, do as the Romans do."
Perhaps the best course might be to find a trustworthy and well socially adapted NT, tell the situation and ask what they would do if they were you.
The picture they'd describe might be very interesting and surely different to yours.
Several years of such practice and you'd stop making a lot of social mistakes you don't even know about.
That's an ideal, of course.

onewithstrange wrote:
For example, once a teacher apologized to me for not being able to come up with examples for tech writing that apply to my major, to which I said "I don't care." I meant the teacher didn't have to worry about consuming time to find examples but I guess it came off as rude.

You might go to this teacher now and say "sorry, I realise now how it sounded, I didn't mean it that way".

The teacher will say something like "oh, never mind, such a small thing, it is fine, everything is fine" (which will mean "I remember the situation well, but it is good thing that you are able to say sorry").

And if the teacher is generally human enough, you might use the situation and ask smth like: "sometimes it happens, I don't realise that something I say might sound rude to others, but the problem is, I am not sure how to say the same and stay polite, sometimes I am that dumb." - He knows it already, you loose nothing. -"And if I may ask for your adwise, could you help me please and tell, if you were me, how would you say it in the polite way?"

And than you will see the real person of a teacher after that.
And there is a chance you get a worth answer.



Erwin
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31 Mar 2014, 6:08 am

em_tsuj wrote:
It happens to me. I get embarrassed by it. I try to learn from the situation. I also try not to take it personally. People expect you to act normal. I can't act normal sometimes. Some people are going to laugh at me. I try to learn what is socially acceptable in each situation and do that so that I don't get laughed at.

Wake up. You're normal. Humans laugh at each other.



Erwin
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31 Mar 2014, 6:10 am

onewithstrange wrote:
It's probably a mechanism we developed to mold other people's behavior into some sort of social standard, and I'll probably always be laughed at. From the replies, the best course looks like just taking note of what I was doing and simply don't do that again. It still makes me angry and very frustrated. Anyone know of some good ways to vent about all this?

The laughing wasn't meant as negative. You're normal.



Erwin
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31 Mar 2014, 6:16 am

Rishikesh wrote:
onewithstrange wrote:
From the replies, the best course looks like just taking note of what I was doing and simply don't do that again.

You will do that again if you don't understand what you did wrong.

He did nothing wrong. You are all normal.



Rishikesh
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31 Mar 2014, 6:38 am

Erwin wrote:
Rishikesh wrote:
onewithstrange wrote:
From the replies, the best course looks like just taking note of what I was doing and simply don't do that again.

You will do that again if you don't understand what you did wrong.

He did nothing wrong. You are all normal.


Please define 'wrong' and 'normal'.



Delilah85
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31 Mar 2014, 12:00 pm

I get laughed at so constantly. I assume it's largely because I say things quite seriously, and people assume that I'm making a joke. It always surprises me how funny I apparently am. It did come home to me once when a good friend said something along the lines of, "I don't know whether you're the funniest person I've ever met, or you hate me and want me to suffer, but I'll assume the first." I don't ever mean to hurt people, but it's difficult when you lack that filter. I also get teased and laughed at maliciously all the time. I thought that being honest with my diagnosis would give people some framework to understand me, but it seems to have just given them something else to make fun of me about it. Yeah, like I could help being born with ASD anymore than you could help being short, or unattractive, or small minded... well, you may be able to work on the small minded thing. Unfortunately, I feel like I should just give up. I spend a lot of time at home, I don't want to make new friends, and the only place I like going is to my quilt group, where the ladies are very understanding and one of them has ASD too. I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful or give you any hope. My only suggestion is to just go with it where possible, and pretend like you meant to say something amusing. Good luck!



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31 Mar 2014, 4:23 pm

I automatically announce when I don't care about things, and right after I say it, I realize that some people think it's rude or mean. I don't know why, but as we all know, social situations don't really agree with logic.
I try to find other ways to say it, but I usually stutter kinda and get mixed up while saying it.
Maybe, "It's not a big deal to me," or, I don't really know what else.
It's not like I remember these things in time to change it anyway.


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Erwin
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31 Mar 2014, 11:41 pm

Rishikesh wrote:
Erwin wrote:
Rishikesh wrote:
onewithstrange wrote:
From the replies, the best course looks like just taking note of what I was doing and simply don't do that again.

You will do that again if you don't understand what you did wrong.

He did nothing wrong. You are all normal.


Please define 'wrong' and 'normal'.

Wrong - what we were made to be able to feel as wrong
Normal - common, ordinary, intended. What I meant was that aspergers are researched but they forgot to compare them to normal åeople. Being in this forum, I know the exact reason for every listed problem here. Mainly because normal people have the same asperger symptoms. Funny that.