I Confess.... I Feel More Comfortable Around Women than Men

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I have to make a confession that taken me 31 years to finally admit out loud. I am a tall and in many ways stereotypical male and this is something I will never admit to publicly in real life. Even though I love to rant and rave that women are crazy and can't be understood, ever since I was a child and even a bit to this day I prefer the company of females to males. Dare I say when I was really young I was a little jealous (but never admitted it to anyone) of girls with their dresses, long hair and earrings. Of course, you can imagine how much this helped my popularity in school and the girls did NOT share my feelings so that contributed to me being a complete outcast that was labeled as gay. Even though I'm a hothead and have a huge ego, I gotta say that in many ways my behavior is much more typical for a female. I'm very sensitive, sweet, gentle, would help anyone, great with children and babies and am for lack of better terms a bit of a wuss compared to most men I'm not sexually aggressive although I am dominant and I have refused several sexual advances because I desire an emotional connection first. I tend to fall all over kids like a stereotypical woman and I'm sure more than one person has made a certain accusation behind my back especially since I am single and a loner again. One of my greatest pleasures is just holding a baby and watching it sleep with a big smile and not too many childless men will admit that. Looking back, it does run in the family a bit. My grandfather was a hardcore blue collar man. He wasn't afraid of anyone or anything, drank heavily, had a very nasty temper, could build anything with his hands and was very protective. He was also kind and caring and well liked. Mom always joked that at parties the women would have to start talking about gynecological problems to get him to leave their table and join the men but when he did, his loud male behaviour became apparent!

Needless to say, I don't have any gender confusion issues. I am very much male and always felt male, very attracted to women and desire a girlfriend that is Wife material, I am straight as an arrow and I am very traditional when it comes to my desire to be the "leader" in a relationship and I will avoid any further elaboration since this isn't the adult section. Women (especially mothers) seem to universally love me and as a kid every mother wanted to trade kids with my Mom I have learned to accept and be proud of who I am and not to be ashamed of who I am. I do have stereotypical male interests but I would rather sit and talk with a woman all day long. Probably makes me great Husband material but I gotta admit it can make it hard to get a relationship off the ground and get out of the friend zone! I wonder if there are any other men who can relate or of course any Women here know a man like this? I surely can't be the only one although I doubt few would admit it.

I swear I must have been a mother in a past life there is a picture on Facebook of me holding my cousin's baby and everyone remarked how "natural" and nurturing I looked even with next to zero experience with childcare. I do find it a bit eerie how my great grandmother had 14 kids and was almost identical in personality to me (EVERYONE says it) and died 9 months before I was born. You never know

Couple of my exes were like that. The weird thing was that couple of months into the relationship they gradually started being more and more into male company and pursuits, as if being around me was overloading their female company capacity. And I am the opposite of a girly girl anyway so this always confused me.

Do you like cross dressing? For example, I like a man who looks good in female clothing and make up. IDK, I guess it appeals to my bisexual orientation or something. lol

I think you just need to not give yourself a hard time over being who you are. Nobody fits the stereotype exactly anyway and happy people enjoy their uniqueness.

Not to tread on you or anything, but are you sure it wasn't just that they were distancing themselves from you, like a lot of guys do in relationships anyway?

Well that's what I had thought at the time too, but when I brought it up they were adamant that wasn't the case and in the second instance stayed together for 9 years. I still don't know if they were actually just lying or maybe they just thought they preferred female company over male when in reality they just didn't have the right types of male companions around at the time or were feeling insecure in their masculinity which after being in a relationship for a while was no longer the case.

Of course they would be adamant it wasn't the case though. People don't openly admit those sorts of things.

People don't want to openly admit many things, either way who cares.

For years I've felt the same way about men even though I occasionally crack jokes and such about them. It became more obvious in my late teen and early adult years. It seems it may be because most men are more easy-going and don't have high concerns about the NT female things I'm supposed to give a rat's tail about, like clothing and appearance and relationships. I tend to share more interests with NT men, such as video games and cartoons. Or it maybe as simple as their deeper voices and less erratic movements make me feel calmer and comfortable. My sister-in-law for example, is a good person but she's so high strung she makes me feel tired and worn out just watching her hovering around my brother and their twin daughters. My brother, on the other hand, is one of the greatest friends I have in spite of all the nasty big brother stuff he said and did when we were kids and treasure every second we're together, which is rare now. As a little girl I had female friends but the two best friends I really had were my two cousins who were both boys and we stayed good friends even as teens while the other girls became interested in typical NT teen girl nonsense while I still only really cared about cartoons and video games and toys. And still do care about.

Indeed.

Now that you mention it, I was like that with my ex as well. I feel MUCH more masculine than I did a couple of years ago. I would suspect going from a almost 30 year old virgin to having a triple digit "counter" as well as losing 30 lbs probably spiked my testosterone levels. I've never been into cross dressing although I will admit in my younger days I would have loved to try. Of course, as I was ALREADY being beaten up daily I would have been dead if I ever did that! Right now I'm wearing a baggy baseball t-shirt with baggy pants and look like a 16 year old guy so I'm as masculine as it gets in dress. Another thing that I should mention is that not only am I straight, but I am attracted to soft, feminine girly girls. I just love looking an girl wearing earrings and a matching necklace and prefer that over cleavage (which is also nice). I flat out told my ex that her having short hair and not having her ears pierced was hard for me to deal with although that's not at all why I broke up with her. Unfortunately, those kind of ladies tend to prefer the more aggressive Alpha-type guys and the ones into me (quirky, less feminine) I can't get into at all. I joked one time I think it would be easier to deal with being gay. I could never get along with guys who bragged about girls like they were trophies or pieces of meat but that doesn't mean I don't glance at breasts myself from time to time I just don't see the point in bragging about it.

I agree that I should not give a f*** what anybody thinks of me as being a man great with kids will make my future wife and child(ren) VERY happy but I guess it's part of the typical Aspie struggle for acceptance. I don't think I need to rehash that again but I was even bullied for being UNDERweight by overweight/obese kids. They would have picked out anything to be cruel and its hard to accept myself for who I am because of it.

I am finding it easier to deal with men all the time because they are direct but I still prefer how women (especially mothers) are kind and nurturing and feel that better suits my personality and it's easier to have an intelligent conversation that doesn't involve alcohol or sex. I even checked my history here at WP and the bulk of my conversations have been with female members. I just feel like nobody will ever accept for because I am caught in the middle of two stereotypes: I am kind and caring and love children but also competitive and I look tough and intimidating. In a world of over the top stereotypes, I feel like I am too "normal" sometimes as weird as that sounds.

Everyone gets bullied, idk what your real problem is, it doesn't really sound like you have one other than in your head.

I would disagree that 'everybody' gets bullied and I can guarantee you have NEVER experienced the horrific things I did as you would never respond in such a manner. I now get headaches just from being touched in the head because the beatings I got in school were so severe and what's worse is that nobody believed me at first. Having said all that I have to agree you are correct that most of it is in my head at this stage of my life. I think part of it has to do with the whole Aspie photographic memory. Still can't say I appreciated that kind of response though.

Well I haven't thankfully been beaten up past the age of 7 because I learned how to fight back but I have seen other kids abused horrifically. Specifically one boy who the teacher hated and would throw things at and would grab him by the hair and bang his head against the blackboard. I am convinced he had ADHD although that didn't exist as a dx in my day.

The point is that you are past that, why are you still living in the past and letting it control your enjoyment of the present? I seriously fail to see what is so wrong with liking to hang out with women, although you probably don't mean me, because I am not at all your pretty girly nurturing type. Perhaps the problem is that they don't want to hang out with you, is that it?

I think you are very brave to stand for who you are! I can't count all the sweet and wonderful boys I have met in my life who unfortunately started behaving more like the stereotypical male or changed who they were around other boys because of all the pressure they were suffering. This is actually so sad
To be honest there is nothing wrong with any of you, but with our insane societies that stick to stupid gender roles and can't let people be people.

I am like that too. I identify as 100% female but I never fit the gender roles, I was always between the stereotypes. I was this kind of girl that would watch a princess movie in the morning and sing along, then in the afternoon run and play around with boys. I don't have to say I was the most caring person in the class, always helping those that were left out, and at the same time I was the strongest and tallest and fastest and got 1st in the fighting games
I lost this position when I was around 13 yo when the boys started to develop physically... Well, I still am one of the fastest. I am in the athletics team.
So what? Who cares about those gender roles anyway? I despise them so much. I don't ever ever want to do like other people and force themselves to be someone else, consciously or not, just to fit in with the gender expectations. It is even worse when they start the bullying, the opression, the female inferiority thing... GRRRRR makes me mad