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Stargazer43
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01 Apr 2014, 5:33 am

Where are all of the introverts of the world hiding?

At my work, we have to give introductions pretty frequently in meetings and things. Nearly everyone in the room starts off with "Hi, I'm _____, and I'm an outgoing....". In online dating, nearly every person's profile says "I'm an outgoing.....looking for an outgoing guy". And don't even get me started on facebook! Even people who say they're introverted often seem completely opposite to their description. One person I work with who says he is an introvert is pretty much the loudest person and most social person in the office, and constantly surrounds himself with others.

It just seems like everywhere I look, I'm constantly surrounded by extroversion! I would really like to meet some more introverted people like myself, but I can't seem to find any!



RightGalaxy
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01 Apr 2014, 8:25 am

Maybe some people really don't know what introverted means or were taught incorrectly. Introverts enjoy people but they often need to be alone in order to "recharge" in order to continue to be around other people due to an increasing anxiety and fear of being theoretically devoured. When they're alone, they reestablish their boundaries. They feel a relief to know where other people end and where they begin. That's why some celebs retire to secluded areas. They simply have had enough. They made their fortune and now they can be their introverted selves.
One way to tell if someone is an intro or extro is to ask, "So, what do you do when you're alone?"
If they say, "I relax, bath, cook, paint, read, amuse the cat, etc... or anything that doesn't require other people - then that's your introvert". If they "always" seek others when they are alone, then they are an extrovert. If the word "alone" doesn't scare them, then they are an introvert. Being alone, even once in a while, makes an extrovert uncomfortable. They will always seek others by taking their dog out to a dogpark, heading down to the sports bar/pub, anything that would require that another person talk to them. You won't see them browsing in book stores. You'll see them in pool halls. Most likely, they will always see someone they know and immediately start conversing. An introvert will go to a place where they don't know a soul because it really doesn't matter to them. The introvert is eager to sail the vast empty sea whereas the extrovert is eager to dock and have pina coladas with the party of 80.



Last edited by RightGalaxy on 01 Apr 2014, 8:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

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01 Apr 2014, 8:30 am

I am an ambivert

I remain unaffiliated



cathylynn
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01 Apr 2014, 9:52 am

I am an introvert. I definitely need my alone time to recharge. no boundary issues, though. when I had a 24/7 people job, I was always extremely tired.



Skilpadde
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01 Apr 2014, 12:03 pm

I think it's hard for us to recognize NT introverts. They get worn out from socializing, but compared to us they still have an extreme need for it.


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Lukecash12
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01 Apr 2014, 8:05 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:
Where are all of the introverts of the world hiding?

At my work, we have to give introductions pretty frequently in meetings and things. Nearly everyone in the room starts off with "Hi, I'm _____, and I'm an outgoing....". In online dating, nearly every person's profile says "I'm an outgoing.....looking for an outgoing guy". And don't even get me started on facebook! Even people who say they're introverted often seem completely opposite to their description. One person I work with who says he is an introvert is pretty much the loudest person and most social person in the office, and constantly surrounds himself with others.

It just seems like everywhere I look, I'm constantly surrounded by extroversion! I would really like to meet some more introverted people like myself, but I can't seem to find any!


That's because truly introverted people don't find things like dating sites and whatnot fun. That and calling yourself "outgoing" seems to be this silly, default self description that everyone uses and it doesn't seem to really communicate much of anything. It's like "well everyone else is outgoing so I guess I had better say that I'm outgoing". People tend to be deathly afraid of just saying "this is me and this is what you're going to get". You're constantly surrounded by extroversion, both natural and forced, because there is this basic apprehension that everyone has, that they have to present a certain image at all times.

The most introspective people fall prey to this too, so it doesn't necessarily mean that they are shallow people at all. It's just that the smartest primates on the planet can't seem to go a day without being intensely confused. How funny is that! My dog isn't pretentious or self conscious at all, she knows I'll love her and play with her, and that's simple as mud to her. But we go around second guessing and over-complicating everything.


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Lukecash12
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01 Apr 2014, 8:09 pm

RightGalaxy wrote:
Maybe some people really don't know what introverted means or were taught incorrectly. Introverts enjoy people but they often need to be alone in order to "recharge" in order to continue to be around other people due to an increasing anxiety and fear of being theoretically devoured. When they're alone, they reestablish their boundaries. They feel a relief to know where other people end and where they begin. That's why some celebs retire to secluded areas. They simply have had enough. They made their fortune and now they can be their introverted selves.
One way to tell if someone is an intro or extro is to ask, "So, what do you do when you're alone?"
If they say, "I relax, bath, cook, paint, read, amuse the cat, etc... or anything that doesn't require other people - then that's your introvert". If they "always" seek others when they are alone, then they are an extrovert. If the word "alone" doesn't scare them, then they are an introvert. Being alone, even once in a while, makes an extrovert uncomfortable. They will always seek others by taking their dog out to a dogpark, heading down to the sports bar/pub, anything that would require that another person talk to them. You won't see them browsing in book stores. You'll see them in pool halls. Most likely, they will always see someone they know and immediately start conversing. An introvert will go to a place where they don't know a soul because it really doesn't matter to them. The introvert is eager to sail the vast empty sea whereas the extrovert is eager to dock and have pina coladas with the party of 80.


Hmmm... I think you're cutting too clean and sharp of a line here. There are plenty of extroverts in pool halls, book stores, etc. that aren't there just to talk to people. Extroverts have cerebral interests that they pursue too. Not to mention that it isn't nearly as simple as one person being an "extrovert" and another being clearly an "introvert". A great deal of people are somewhere in between.


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Lukecash12
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01 Apr 2014, 8:11 pm

Skilpadde wrote:
I think it's hard for us to recognize NT introverts. They get worn out from socializing, but compared to us they still have an extreme need for it.


??? What makes you say that? They have some "extreme need"? I think you might be projecting here. People are way more diverse than this NT dichotomy you seem to have.


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01 Apr 2014, 8:22 pm

Quote:
Where are all of the introverts of the world hiding?


In our rooms, with a book, and our phones switched off.


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opal
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02 Apr 2014, 6:14 am

Who_Am_I wrote:
Quote:
Where are all of the introverts of the world hiding?


In our rooms, with a book, and our phones switched off.


.....or lurking on WP....



AutisticGuy1981
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02 Apr 2014, 7:30 am

introverted women don't want introverted men.

and most introverted men aren't that anyway.

like my step son whos 21 soon.

He owns the game of thrones boardgame and I think the LOTR ones.
He spends most his time watching the stargate series or playing xbox games.
His room is full of geeky stuff.

But he works in a nightclub, he has about a billion friends and I don't think the majority of them realise what his hobbies actually are because he's out drinking all the time and seemingly mr popular with the ladies.

when people say they want an introverted man that's probably the type of person they mean.

someone outgoing that's not entirely opposed to staying in



RetroGamer87
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02 Apr 2014, 9:26 am

Stargazer43 wrote:
Where are all of the introverts of the world hiding?

At my work, we have to give introductions pretty frequently in meetings and things. Nearly everyone in the room starts off with "Hi, I'm _____, and I'm an outgoing....". In online dating, nearly every person's profile says "I'm an outgoing.....looking for an outgoing guy". And don't even get me started on facebook! Even people who say they're introverted often seem completely opposite to their description. One person I work with who says he is an introvert is pretty much the loudest person and most social person in the office, and constantly surrounds himself with others.

It just seems like everywhere I look, I'm constantly surrounded by extroversion! I would really like to meet some more introverted people like myself, but I can't seem to find any!


I've seen plenty of dating profiles where the girl admits to being introverted. If someone acts extroverted on Facebook does that mean they're spending too much time on it because they're introverted in real life? Introverts can still have loud voices. There could be plenty of hidden introverts around you. There are times when I can force myself into being charismatic. Maybe they just don't want you to know they're introverts.



AutisticGuy1981
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02 Apr 2014, 9:54 am

I get the feeling most people lie on dating websites to appear more outgoing and interesting than they really are.



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02 Apr 2014, 12:12 pm

AutisticGuy1981 wrote:
I get the feeling most people lie on dating websites to appear more outgoing and interesting than they really are.


This seems possible to me, and even more likely to be true in the workplace since there's enormous pressure in some fields to be a people person, be conventional, and network. You can be Bob the talkative one who likes music and sports, or Bob the guy who'd rather not be here and work on his obscure hobby at home.

I'm not sure how one would identify an introvert among a crowd, anyway. It's not like they're going to be cowering in a corner, though they're more likely to be further from the main event or relaxing alone.



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03 Apr 2014, 2:00 am

coffeebean wrote:
This seems possible to me, and even more likely to be true in the workplace since there's enormous pressure in some fields to be a people person, be conventional, and network.


And I thought the work was bad enough. Workers have to do all that as well? I guess the boss will promote the worker he likes more not the most skilled worker.



daydrinker
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03 Apr 2014, 10:16 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
coffeebean wrote:
This seems possible to me, and even more likely to be true in the workplace since there's enormous pressure in some fields to be a people person, be conventional, and network.


And I thought the work was bad enough. Workers have to do all that as well? I guess the boss will promote the worker he likes more not the most skilled worker.


So true...I have a theory that getting a job half the time has nothing to do with your skill level but is all about who you know and how well you get along. Compared to an extrovert, the introvert has a much slimmer chance.