Should I try to help my friend find a GF?

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Bend321
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05 Apr 2014, 1:01 pm

I have a friend I've known since elementary school when we were in a support class together, he's like my best friend. I'm fairly positive he may have aspergers but it's something I've never asked him cause he would get upset about it, he can have a temper

He kinda keeps to himself and we both have a small amount of friends. Well, one day in the car to the mall and his mom was with us, she brought up dating and we all were just like lightheartedly talking about it and he was kinda being self defeating about it and said like 'Mom just stop, I'm stupid looking'. So we're like 'What, no not at all", I brought up that there's girls at the beach and stuff and his mom was talking about setting up a dating profile and he got frustrated I'm guessing because he wouldn't want to be seen as having to 'stoop to that level'

Well anyway, I know he's not single by choice or anything (This guy beats the bush if you know what I mean lol) but I feel like it's something I can and really should help him with..and myself in a way, I'm having lonely problems too



jrjones9933
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05 Apr 2014, 1:32 pm

If helping him can give you some insight into the dating process, then maybe. You can't "help" someone do something that they haven't already decided to do, though.



Dantac
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05 Apr 2014, 3:03 pm

If he has AS he will need all the help he can get. Just don't find him a 'freebie' girl ... pity dating will hurt him worse than not dating.



Bend321
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05 Apr 2014, 4:57 pm

Yeah I realize that.

I'm not just gonna like find him a hooker or something :roll:



Briareos
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05 Apr 2014, 5:38 pm

Bend321 wrote:
Yeah I realize that.

I'm not just gonna like find him a hooker or something :roll:


What you need to do is help fix his attitude and self image first; My cousin did this for me. He helped me by getting me some better fitting/looking clothes, giving me some tips about attitude and perspective and taking me to parties. I was reluctant, but it helped.

Quoted from another forum I'm on:
Quote:
This thread is for people who often get nervous and anxious when approaching girls or anyone for that matter. It is a method of perception that has helped me recently overcome loneliness, meet interesting new people, and raise my self-esteem. I still have a lot of exploring to do and haven't fully mastered or refined the method, but I'm excited to be able to practice it in every situation that life throws at me.

In order to practice this method you must accept the fact that you have the power to create your own universe. Everything we perceive in our world is created in our own minds. The breakfast we ate, the hot girl we just saw, and even the minds of other people are created in our own heads. No matter what, nobody knows what you are thinking and you don't know what other people are thinking. It took me a while to realize this. I always figured people thought I was weird and an outcast when really it was my own mind telling me this. It can get really lonely when you only have negative thoughts about the world you create. But the thing is we can control what our minds think.

There is a theory called 'Theory of Mind' that states, "The presumption that others have a mind is termed a theory of mind because each human can only prove the existence of his or her own mind through introspection, and no one has direct access to the mind of another." Basically, it is impossible to tell if other people have minds because it is our own mind telling us they do and thus, we create their thoughts in our own heads. If you can understand this then you will see how much power we have as individuals.We can control how we perceive things. Your thoughts are only yours and nobody elses...so...why not create good ones?

If you get nervous or self conscious then you are most likely creating negative thoughts in your head which leads to stress and social anxiety which can be physically and psychologically draining. If you are too nervous to talk to someone then you must instill positive thoughts in your head. A lot of people who get anxious in social situations think that nobody will like them or that people will think they are weird; however, it is only their own mind telling them that. You must practice thinking positively about every aspect of your surroundings.

For example, if you see an attractive girl walking by, don't go thinking "ooh shes prettty, i have no chance with her". Instead think along the lines of "my mind just created this attractive girl for me to go talk to, and she thinks i'm great!" (even though you have no idea what her mind is thinking). Then either smile and say "hi" as if she thinks your the coolest person in the world and go on you way or strike up a friendly conversation and flow with it. If you understand you can control your thoughts to be positive ones, your enthusiasm and excitement will show itself without you even realizing it.

If you have a big presentation in front of a large class, just create a relaxed mood by assigning positive thoughts to everyone around you. Look around at all the faces staring back at you and realize that you are creating their existence and their thoughts in your own head. Assign positive thoughts to each of them. The action of thinking that they are thinking positively about you will make it a reality in your own head which is where it matters most.

Before you even meet someone, understand that they already like you. When you meet them, since they "already like you" you can be friendly with them and try to learn more about them. By having this attitude, you will have no inhibitions and will truly show your best self. Other people around you will notice this positive attitude and will want to be a part of it without you even knowing those other people exist. Those people will want to approach you to talk to you and you will already have the mindset that "this person already likes me" before the first word is even said.

I encourage all people who want to always be their 'best self' to practice this method every waking moment of their lives. If you can replace all negative and fearful thoughts with positive ones you will create a truly positive world for yourself and maybe even find the girl you've always dreamed of.