Questions For Aspie Moms And/Or Dads

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SpaceCase
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18 Feb 2007, 7:44 pm

I have a few questions for Moms and/or Dads with Asperger Syndrome or any other Autism Spectrum Disorder(s):

1. When were you diagnosed?

2. What else are you diagnosed with?

3. How many kids do you have?

4. ARe they Aspies/Auties or NT's?

5. Do you think that being a parent with AS/AUTISM is harder than being an NT parent?

6. Is beig a parent hard in general?

7. Is your spouse an Aspie/Autie?

8. IS MARRIAGE HARD???

Please,I NEED to know! If you don't want to post it here you can PM me,but the reason why I want to know is because I want kids and a partner of my own one day.


-SpaceCase


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MishLuvsHer2Boys
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19 Feb 2007, 8:31 am

1. When were you diagnosed?

31 years of age

2. What else are you diagnosed with?

ADHD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Clinical Depression

3. How many kids do you have?

2 sons (6 yrs old and almost 4 yrs old)

4. ARe they Aspies/Auties or NT's?

Oldest (Dylan) has Autism, Youngest (Brendon) is being re-evaluated next month to determine if he possibly has Aspergers.

5. Do you think that being a parent with AS/AUTISM is harder than being an NT parent?

Well this is an extremely hard question to answer as I've never experienced parenting as an NT... but parenting is likely not an easy task for either. It takes a lot of patience and learning and understanding.

6. Is being a parent hard in general?

Being a parent isn't easy that's for sure, and it's only as hard as it becomes when both parent and child don't find a way to understand each other and work with each other.

7. Is your spouse an Aspie/Autie?

My partner (we're not married) is a non-autistic (NT).

8. IS MARRIAGE HARD???

I'm in a long term relationship (7 years), relationships aren't easy, they take work, they take compromise, they take understanding, trust, respect and a lot of patience and learning about the other person. So yes, it is hard work at times but it's worth it if it's with the right person.

Parenting and relationships are hard because you have to factor in another individual into your life and their decisions and actions affect yours as well.



katrine
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19 Feb 2007, 8:35 am

Just out of interest - were you diagnosed before or after your oldest kid? I mean, was it because you knew he was autistic you recognised some of the same things in yourself?



agent79
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19 Feb 2007, 10:43 am

1. When were you diagnosed?

When I was 23.


2. What else are you diagnosed with?

At different times in my life, I have been diagnosed as having depression, anxiety, being obsessive/compulsive, and being a manic depressive---none of which were precisely right. I've been on many different kinds of medication and have had no relief from any of them. Getting the diagnosis of Asperger's made everything much more clear, and I have done well with little to no therapies or medical intervention.

3. How many kids do you have?

Just the one.

4. ARe they Aspies/Auties or NT's?

He is a moderately functioning autistic.

5. Do you think that being a parent with AS/AUTISM is harder than being an NT parent?

I don't feel qualified to answer this question.

I wish that I could.

I know that my attention to detail, stims, and sensory issues help me recognize what my son needs.

I have to help NT parents in my area learn these skills---because the ones that I work with are deaf dumb and blind to the horrors of flourescent lighting and malls.

I work with people in the Autism Society and our local Occupational Therapy center develop techniques to help autie/aspie children deal with the world and become more independent.

I have "pioneered" concepts and techniques that have helped many of the children of NT parents---simply by taking things that work for me and my son and teaching other people how to do it. I have taught people how to recognize items that cause over-stimulation (which leads to the dreaded meltdown) and how to avoid these things and cope with them when you can't avoid them.

Being an aspie---even before I KNEW what was different about me, I always knew that I was "weird/eccentric"---has helped me relate to my son (and other autie children) in such a way that some people think that we have a psychic link. (I wish...)


6. Is being a parent hard in general?

Yes and no.

If you feel comfortable around children, and love them---then that makes it MUCH easier.

On the other hand, there are times (like if your kid gets colic) when you will freak out a bit.

For me the hardest time was before I acknoweldged that my son was autistic. I really thought that he was just weird like my husband and I. When he was 3, he was diagnosed, and his psychologist asked me to talk to one of her colleagues. She specializes in ASD's in children, and recognized the signs in me over the weeks of my son's diagnostic process.

I did contact this psychologist---because I'm ever so curious about everything---and over the next few months we gathered information about my childhood, and he observed me. I was unofficially diagnosed 2 months in, but received my official diagnosis after another month and a half. I do not receive any government benefits, because I choose to keep my diagnosis to myself (as far as paperwork goes). Diagnosis was really just for my own peace of mind.

***This was not the first time that I had heard of Asperger's in connection with me---but it was the first time that I took it seriously (if that makes any sense).***


7. Is your spouse an Aspie/Autie?

We both suspect that he may be somewhere on the spectrum. He has many sensory issues, was a "late talker" (didn't talk until he was 5), and has delayed echolalia.

He is not interested in diagnosis.


8. IS MARRIAGE HARD???

My husband and I are both strange in man of the same ways. He was the first person that I ever met who really understood me.

Everyone has good times and bad times. You have to remember the good times while you are dealing with the bad times.

You have to remember what brought you together.

You have to find mutual interests.---We play video games.

We've been married for nearly 9 years. It hasn't always been easy...but it has been worth it.

Good luck to you. I hope you find what you are looking for.



MishLuvsHer2Boys
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20 Feb 2007, 7:25 pm

katrine wrote:
Just out of interest - were you diagnosed before or after your oldest kid? I mean, was it because you knew he was autistic you recognised some of the same things in yourself?


It was after my oldest was diagnosed that some of the pieces seemed to fit and talking to some others on the spectrum on here and all. And some of the therapists that worked with him commented on some traits with me.



Pandora
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27 Feb 2007, 5:36 am

Diagnosed at age 42 with Aspergers.

2 kids - daughters aged 16 and 20.

As far as I know, both are NT but my younger daughter could be very marginally on the spectrum.

The main troubles I had with parenting were panicking when things went wrong, being disorganised and unassertive, getting nervous in shops, getting tired and crabby and lacking confidence. Probably all parents find it difficult at least some of the time and lack of confidence is particularly common. At least I gave my girls lots of affection, so that is something. Plus, I encouraged them to read as my parents did with me.

Marriage is very hard. My marriage broke up and it really hurt the kids but I couldn't cope with the put downs and lack of help in the house. I think Aspie females need a man who can look after himself a fair bit and not expect her to conform to sexist stereotypes of how women "should" act. I am affectionate but many other Aspie women are not and that can be hard for some men to cope with.

The best kind of man for me would have been one who was nonconformist, had a very good sense of humour and had good leadership qualities. Men who were very hung up on status and money would not have appealed to me but someone who was good with his hands and able to fix lots of things would have been wonderful.


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