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Do you suffer from a tense (quite infuriating) jealousy?
Yes, only when it comes to my special interests. 10%  10%  [ 5 ]
Yes, only when it comes to my special interests AND relationships. 15%  15%  [ 7 ]
Yes, only relationships. 19%  19%  [ 9 ]
A little bit of all above. (the jealousy is hardly noticable then by a observer) 17%  17%  [ 8 ]
No 40%  40%  [ 19 ]
Total votes : 48

Jacoby
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16 Apr 2014, 3:02 pm

Maybe in relationships but not with interests, if someone brings up a topic that interests me it's hard to contain myself actually. Sometimes I'll yak at them for a hour or more if they let me. Me and someone else having a mutual interest in something is about as close as I get to someone.



Nepsis
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16 Apr 2014, 3:56 pm

I totally relate to Quantum et al. regarding jealousy and special interests.
My most beloved special interests are pretty select and narrow, so I don't run into
the situation too often (retro video-games on the NES, particularly the
Castlevania and Megaman series; and pre-modern liturgical ritual texts, haha--told you they were narrow!).
But on the occasions that they do, I get both very excited to be able
to ramble on and talk about these things, but also infuriated if the other
person tries to assert they know more or that I'm incorrect on something,
which--sorry to sound egotistical--is highly unlikely! :P
Do I become jealous of the other person?
I wouldn't say so. But perhaps you could say I become
jealous for my special interest. It mars its fascination for me when
someone else insults it by stating wrong information or saying I
don't know correct details about it. Weird, but perhaps that describes the
feeling more accurately.
And because of this, I try not to bring them up too often, except on those
oh-so-rare occasions that I run into someone who actually shares them and has
demonstrated a kind, understanding temperament.



Aristophanes
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16 Apr 2014, 5:11 pm

Nepsis wrote:
My most beloved special interests are pretty select and narrow, so I don't run into
the situation too often (retro video-games on the NES, particularly the
Castlevania and Megaman series; and pre-modern liturgical ritual texts, haha--told you they were narrow!).

So if I were to say, like, Metroid was a vastly superior platformer to anything Megaman 1-6 had to offer, you'd be pretty offended right?



yournamehere
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16 Apr 2014, 5:32 pm

Interesting topic. Although I am on the opposite end of it, I rarely find people who do not get jealous. There are plenty here.



emtyeye
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16 Apr 2014, 5:47 pm

I have never felt jealous about someone having knowledge in an area I am interested in. The opposite. I'll be all over them trying to find out everything they know and sharing my knowledge.

The only time I ever feel jealous is in the area of intimate love relationship. Then I can become the green-eyed monster.



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16 Apr 2014, 6:02 pm

Quantum wrote:
skibum wrote:
Quantum, I can absolutely relate to you. I don't know if what I feel is jealousy though. I think it's more ego driven anger. When someone talks to me about skiing or swimming or even singing and they obviously have no idea what they are talking about and they keep insisting that they are right, I get inflamed and angry. I feel this huge welling up like a fire in my chest and I just want to scream. I have found that the best strategy for this is to literally protect my special interests. I don't talk about them with anyone unless they are worthy. What I mean, is if you are just casually mentioning skiing to me like some of you do here I really enjoy that. I know that some of you don't know the first thing about skiing and others are much better skiers than I am. I am happy to engage in a ski conversation with any of you at any level. Some of you might teach me a great deal about it and others of you might be learning some of the most elementary basic concepts but either way, I am happy to talk to you because the conversation is real. If someone who has skied once a year a couple of times insists that he knows how to buy a ski boot when it is obvious that he has no idea how to do it and if he insists on challenging me on what I know is true about the facts of fitting and buying ski boots, I will not tolerate having a conversation about ski boots with this person. I will refuse to talk to this person about the subject. This is the only way I have found to keep the rage under control. I hope this helps.


That is exactly how I feel, I just want to protect my special interests otherwise I do get very jealous/angry/(whatever negative emotion there is). Seems pretty unavoidable, I will most likely study astronomy in a college and that will probably lead to my death because of this :P


I have this problem too. If I'm talking to someone from whom I can learn, I really enjoy it; and if I'm talking to someone who's clearly as interested as I am and whom I can perhaps help out or teach something, that's great too. But when people start discussing my hobby (not sure it's extreme enough to qualify as a special interest. maybe, though) just for something to say, or when they clearly haven't a clue but don't realise or care that they don't, that gives me the rage.

As for romantic jealousy, I have felt jealous when someone I wanted to be with was with someone else. But otherwise, I wish anyone and everyone all the best. It's not like someone else being miserable too is going to make my life better.

I did use to get that "left behind" feeling when others got together while I was still as single as I've always been, but nowadays I just reckon that ship has sailed, best get used to it... :roll:



skibum
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16 Apr 2014, 6:28 pm

I was very jealous of my siblings growing up because I always thought they were treated better than I was. I don't know if they actually were because now that we are all adults and we talk about it we all somehow felt the same thing as kids. But romantic jealousy, I don't think I really had issues with that. I was not much of a romance seeking person.


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jrjones9933
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16 Apr 2014, 6:48 pm

Stop referring to your feelings as "I feel" or worse "I am" and start deliberately saying "The body feels" or "The mind believes." Get as much distance as you can from all this irrationality, so that you can start to examine it dispassionately.



PaulHubert
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16 Apr 2014, 8:29 pm

jrjones9933 wrote:
Stop referring to your feelings as "I feel" or worse "I am" and start deliberately saying "The body feels" or "The mind believes." Get as much distance as you can from all this irrationality, so that you can start to examine it dispassionately.


I respectfully disagree; the "i feel x" feelings are the primary compass for CBT, if someone is constantly unhappy, the person may be holding on to some useless thought that nobody addressed. Therapists hear someone say "I feel like a loser", the therapist asks why -> the therapist breaks down the thinking and discovers that the patient had been errantly comparing his life to other peoples lives (eg "my life is better than yours!"), the therapist precedes to tell the patient that that thought is a waste of his or her time and that he or she cannot predict how "good" someone's life is, and the patient will always encounter people to appear to have it "better than me"...long story short a useless thought becomes deconstructed. Like you say, it takes objective observation, but at the same time, it's useful to acknowledge and focus on "I feel x" as the starting point to finding some sort of fictional or useless belief.



jrjones9933
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16 Apr 2014, 8:58 pm

Most people have trouble becoming aware of their feelings. Quantum seems overcome by them, and has already spend considerable time reflecting on them.

We can't prove the existence of an I, anyway. The body exists and feels, and the mind exists and thinks. I've ranted on at length about the absurdity of using the verb is to make identity statements, and so have many other people.



mr_bigmouth_502
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17 Apr 2014, 2:02 am

I actually quite enjoy it when I find other people who share my interests, and are willing to talk about them with me. I do sometimes feel a bit of jealously when I come across someone else who knows more about them than I do, but most of the time we just yak away and it's awesome. :D



Quantum
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17 Apr 2014, 2:31 am

I can't delete this particular post, I accidentally made a double post. x_x



Last edited by Quantum on 17 Apr 2014, 2:39 am, edited 2 times in total.

Quantum
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17 Apr 2014, 2:36 am

jrjones9933 wrote:
Stop referring to your feelings as "I feel" or worse "I am" and start deliberately saying "The body feels" or "The mind believes." Get as much distance as you can from all this irrationality, so that you can start to examine it dispassionately.


Scientifically speaking you're correct. But "I feel" is just a easier term to describe an inviduals psychological state instead of saying "My brain produces chemical x giving me the emotion y", that's the rational way of communicating of course but it's also quite formally constructed which I would not prefer to. But I still agree with you and I will use that phrase more often instead of "I feel". :o

Nepsis wrote:
I totally relate to Quantum et al. regarding jealousy and special interests.
My most beloved special interests are pretty select and narrow, so I don't run into
the situation too often (retro video-games on the NES, particularly the
Castlevania and Megaman series; and pre-modern liturgical ritual texts, haha--told you they were narrow!).
But on the occasions that they do, I get both very excited to be able
to ramble on and talk about these things, but also infuriated if the other
person tries to assert they know more or that I'm incorrect on something,
which--sorry to sound egotistical--is highly unlikely! Razz
Do I become jealous of the other person?
I wouldn't say so. But perhaps you could say I become
jealous for my special interest. It mars its fascination for me when
someone else insults it by stating wrong information or saying I
don't know correct details about it. Weird, but perhaps that describes the
feeling more accurately.
And because of this, I try not to bring them up too often, except on those
oh-so-rare occasions that I run into someone who actually shares them and has
demonstrated a kind, understanding temperament.


That's exactly how my brain is processing the feeling, I don't think it's jealousy but more of a arrogant/egocentric behviour even though I'm quite opposite towards this if we're excluding my own special interest. I quite literally just wanna hit things or scream but because I can controll myself I do not do it.



Nepsis
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17 Apr 2014, 8:28 am

Aristophanes wrote:
So if I were to say, like, Metroid was a vastly superior platformer to anything Megaman 1-6 had to offer, you'd be pretty offended right?


Ha; I really have no problem with someone else having a different opinion, e.g. what video game series is better/best, what the most beautiful artwork is, who the greatest singer is, etc.
These are subjective things.
So if someone thinks Metroid is superior, go for it; I mean, it is a great series after all.
I may be many things, but I certainly am not so beef-headed as to not be able tolerate someone having a different opinion on video games. :P

What I meant was, vis–à–vis the topic of jealousy, that I can relate to that feeling of
being jealous for a special interest when someone else tries to assert that I don't know
the facts about it, or starts putting out wrong information about it. Objective stuff though,
not just their opinions. It's a rare thing though; I don't think I'm a generally jealous person, but
when jealousy does come up, it's only in those instances.



ouroborosUK
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17 Apr 2014, 9:02 am

I thank you for asking that question. I am indeed jealous of people better than me in special interests, and I had not really noticed it before.

About relationships, I was jealous in my early 20s, then I thought about it and decided it was a stupid thing to feel, and I did some work on me to get rid of it. It changed the way I consider relationships a great deal (towards a more liberal and open stance) but it was a very good thing and it also made me plainly better at relationships. And really it was not so difficult ; I often wonder why people struggle so much with that kind of jealousy.

On the other hand, yes I can feel quite intensely jealous at people who can brew a better beer than I or who are clearly better in some scientific fields. It does not show much and it makes me want to get better, not them to get worse, but it is clearly present.


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