This baffles me and how should I approach the situation?

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Summer_Twilight
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16 Apr 2014, 8:32 am

I have gone to the same congregation now for about 3 years and I happen to be networked with some people there who are also clients an the same Autism center that I used to be connected with. That person on the spectrum hangs out with my other friends and also knows his parents.

The strange part is this:

1. Not once have I been invited over for dinner during any of the holidays even though they seem to do things with others at the same congregation.
2. Their son who is on the spectrum does not acknowledge me or want to ever really talk
3. Their parent and sibling seem to act like two social clicks that act very phony

What should I say? I don't want to look like I am being too mean. I just want to get a clearer understanding.



sacrip
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16 Apr 2014, 9:25 am

Say nothing. Whether they 'should' socialize with you or not, they don't seem interested in doing so, and demanding to know why won't help.


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Summer_Twilight
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16 Apr 2014, 5:17 pm

I mean we are cordial with one another but not super buds if you know what I mean. I am bothered because I was hoping that his mother would be a good support system in helping me making connections because she understands. Instead she seems to be rather arrogant and phony.



Ganondox
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18 Apr 2014, 1:11 pm

Have you tried reaching out to them?


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NinsMom
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19 Apr 2014, 1:11 pm

Some congregations have a definite "pecking order", cliques, & social network. For whatever reason, you are not part of it. (That reason probably would make No Sense if it happened outside of this congregation, like in the work place or school.)
I'd look elsewhere for friendship & support. You probably won't find it there, with those people, no matter what you do or don't do.
Have you thought about changing churches or getting into other activities that might be more supportive & positive for you?



Summer_Twilight
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19 Apr 2014, 7:42 pm

Well it's mainly the leadership that seems to be really close. The mother of the son with ASD is the leader of the women's prayer group.

As for the young man I have tried to reach out to him by including him in things and he never seems to ever have time.



anneurysm
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20 Apr 2014, 3:50 pm

I'm sorry that you've missed out on an opportunity to connect with these people. Unfortunately, we can't change people or their reactions to things like this.

However, it's possible that the person with ASD in this situation may have more anxiety over social situations or more difficulty communicating with others than you. It could be even possible that he does enjoy your company but does not show it overtly or has trouble taking initiative.
You should ask him directly if he's interested in a friendship and explain how you've been trying to reach out to him for this. If he rejects you, please try not take it personally or feel offended as there's a chance it may not have to do with you. He truly may be busy or may not feel confident or able enough to pursue a friendship.

You should still continue to be friendly and cordial with these people, even though the mom might be a little snobbish. It's just something you may have to accept.


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Mostly keeping a distance from ASD-related things (including WP).