So far I have been extremely impressed by the insight on this website, so I want to ask here. I've been friends with my husband for over 21 years although we are currently separated. He is in treatment for having panic attacks. In the past I have even told people that he does not have AS when they've asked because they made a connection between his shyness and our kids (who both have classic autism)- that's how sure I was. I always just thought he was just shy, but I was reading the social anxiety disorder book he was "prescribed", and there are parts that do not quite fit... which is why I started thinking about AS...
Here are the reasons why I feel like he does not have AS:
-He had friends when he was a child- not a lot of friends, but good friends some of whom he's still in contact with over facebook (he moved away). He stopped having friends in high school though. Claims he was bullied in elementary school and then they moved when he was in middle school/ high school and he just never tried to make friends again. Claims he wasn't bullied after elementary school.
-He has a great imagination, it's not "scripted imagination"
-He understands jokes and sarcasm perfectly fine/ even enjoys jokes and sarcasm
-Is okay with changes
-Never had any problems in school with behaviour or anything
-He has anxiety and panic attacks regarding social situations. When I was googling differences between AS and SAD, anxiety was listed as a difference; present in SAD (obviously) but not in AS
The first thing from the book that drew my attention was it said that people with SAD will make eye contact with people they're comfortable with (such as loved ones) but not with strangers because they're anxious. That's the complete opposite of my husband. He knows he's supposed to make eye contact, so he does in public. But he's told me, he has to keep reminding himself to keep looking. And it tires him out, so when he's with me, he makes virtually no eye contact. So that was my "whoa this isn't right" moment, and then I came up with some other things that maybe point towards AS:
-Can be very literal. Though he's not completely clueless (if you say "it's raining cats and dogs" he knows it's not actually raining cats and dogs). But for example yesterday he was playing the piano and I said "Can you play such-and-such?" and he just said "Yes" and did not play it. I think most people would take that question to mean "if you can, play it", but I guess that's not the literal meaning of the question.
-He kind of zones out/finds it hard to concentrate when he's in an area with a lot of "people noise", such as a mall or a restaurant
-Maybe a little bit obsessive with his interest in the solar system. He does bore me sometimes telling me about it. But then again, we're married, so I think it's normal for him to bore me. I'm sure I bore him too sometimes. He doesn't talk about it to other people because he doesn't talk to anybody else!
I feel really bad that I never gave this thought before. It's a weird concept for me.
What do you think?
EDIT TO ADD:
He also lost his job and has been unable to get another one. But that's largely because he has really low self-esteem and the longer he doesn't have one, the less he thinks he is capable of getting one, so he has sort of given up. And one other thing:
I'm not sure if this is anything either, but he has a connection with our children that nobody else (including myself) has. He can't explain to me how to do it, much to my dismay because I would do anything to get my kids to interact with me like that. Our profoundly autistic son gravitates towards him when he ignores everyone else. I wonder if that's a special autistic thing, or maybe he's just magic...
Last edited by WelcomeToHolland on 16 Apr 2014, 9:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
16 Apr 2014, 6:01 pm
