Is it possible not to care what other people think?

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DevilKisses
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17 Apr 2014, 4:42 am

I don't think it's possible not to care what other people think of you unless you are mentally disabled or have some serious theory of mind issues. A lot of people claim not to care what other people think of them, but that seems more like rebellion or trying to seem rebellious.


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Stannis
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17 Apr 2014, 5:25 am

I don't care what people think as long as they're not in my face telling me about their issues. As a wise man once said, "remove the man, and you remove the problem."



GregCav
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17 Apr 2014, 5:35 am

Why would you care what other people think of you?

You can't control them, you can't persuae them, you can't convince them, you can't enlighten them.
Caring what others think about you will tie you in knots. You can never satify them. One or more will always be upset at you no matter what you do or say. The sane thing to do is be yourself, and do your own thing.



AngelRho
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17 Apr 2014, 5:38 am

It's possible. It's just that we're culturally conditioned to care. Just like all learned behavior, it can be unlearned.

The trouble is whether you should unlearn it. I don't care what people think most of the time. I'm too awkward to really be convincing anyway, so I end up only being a disappointment when I do care and try to please or impress others. I resigned myself to believing I couldn't do it and gave up at the expense of becoming socially isolated. Of course, once I figured out I was happier with fewer friends, this ceased to matter. But getting there was tough because of social pressures to be popular or hang with certain crowds.

Some things will depend on what others think, such as jobs, etc. I used to dress professionally, act professionally, outperform others...and got fired anyway. I'm not cut out for a lot of NT type work situations and am better off self-employed. I don't get a free pass when it comes to confrontation, but it's extremely rare that happens. But for the most part people more often worry what I think of them rather than the opposite.



ouroborosUK
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17 Apr 2014, 6:04 am

I don't care what people think of me. I care what people do to me.

I dress in a "normal" fashion, try to behave in a normal way, etc. not by guilt or conformism but as a defensive posture. I don't want to be verbally of physically assaulted, barred from doing a job, or banned from important aspects of everyday life because I have an unusual appearance or behaviour. I saw that happen to many people and I don't want it to happen to me; I have enough problems to solve in my life right now not to give other persons stupid pretexts to abuse me. But what is in their head, I could not care less.

If people think some stuff about me and never voice it, I have no way of knowing it (since I don't pick up most non-verbal cues), and for me it is as if they bore no judgement on me. (As I bear no judgement on them. In fact a few months ago I started thinking that probably most persons are having opinions and judgements about me; it made me feel quite paranoid and if it is the kind of universe the NT population is naturally immersed in I find it scary as hell.) If they voice their opinion, I will politely reply and debate, and I am usually good at those things. What I am afraid of is prejudice and abuse.

Of course there are some "special" persons whose opinion matters, they are friends. (Family was a bit like that too but I grow increasingly detached from their opinions.)


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jbw
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17 Apr 2014, 6:06 am

AngelRho wrote:
But for the most part people more often worry what I think of them rather than the opposite.


That's an astute observation that reflects my experience as well. When you openly demonstrate knowledge and capability far above average, people get worried that their relative lack of knowledge or capability is being exposed, and they end up being defensive, using all the social tools in the NT arsenal.

I'm self employed as well. For people who have to rely on a traditional employment relationship however, the political pressure can bully people into considering what others are thinking.

Compliance just to preserve the established power structure is not for everyone.



jbw
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17 Apr 2014, 6:08 am

AngelRho wrote:
But for the most part people more often worry what I think of them rather than the opposite.


That's an astute observation that reflects my experience as well. When you openly demonstrate knowledge and capability far above average, people get worried that their relative lack of knowledge or capability is being exposed, and they end up being defensive, using all the social tools in the NT arsenal.

I'm self employed as well. For people who have to rely on a traditional employment relationship however, the political pressure can bully people into considering what others are thinking.

Compliance just to preserve the established power structure is not for everyone.



AutisticGuy1981
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17 Apr 2014, 6:40 am

DevilKisses wrote:
I don't think it's possible not to care what other people think of you unless you are mentally disabled or have some serious theory of mind issues. A lot of people claim not to care what other people think of them, but that seems more like rebellion or trying to seem rebellious.

I don't care.

people probably thing I wear the same clothes everyday because normally I wear the same make/type of jeans and just buy multiple pairs.

of course I want to be clean and smell fresh.... not caring what other people think does not mean you let your self go.

Anyone who comes in my flat will assume I'm a tramp because my front room only has a gaming pc + desk + pc chair + weights + hoover :lol:
I've got money in the bank for furniture but I'm procrastinating because I don't really feel like I need a sofa or any other furniture.

God knows what workmen think when they are in my house :lol:



EzraS
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17 Apr 2014, 7:52 am

Except for those closest to me, I only care if there are consequences involved. Like I care about what the WP staff thinks about me along the lines of not wanting to be banned. I would prefer members to like me instead of hate me. But all of that is pretty superficial I think.



neobluex
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17 Apr 2014, 7:59 am

It's impossible to do that and live in a society simultaneously.



AdamAutistic
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17 Apr 2014, 8:01 am

i do not care what other people think of me.


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AngelRho
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17 Apr 2014, 8:07 am

jbw wrote:
AngelRho wrote:
But for the most part people more often worry what I think of them rather than the opposite.


That's an astute observation that reflects my experience as well. When you openly demonstrate knowledge and capability far above average, people get worried that their relative lack of knowledge or capability is being exposed, and they end up being defensive, using all the social tools in the NT arsenal.

I'm self employed as well. For people who have to rely on a traditional employment relationship however, the political pressure can bully people into considering what others are thinking.

Compliance just to preserve the established power structure is not for everyone.

It's all about where you are in said power structure. I choose to establish my OWN power structure, and it is understandably lonely at the top.

Like I said, people worry more about what I think of them than I worry what they think of me. But that's the thing…I provide a service. I have knowledge and experience that they want for themselves. If you want to succeed in that area, you need to work with me to attain those skills. I'm not making anyone sign up for instruction. I get paid to be the boss, and they are free to walk any time. And that's just my private teaching job.

My church gig is where I'm more likely to get into confrontational situations. I was "asked to leave" a few weeks ago and there was no further explanation for about an hour and a half while I packed my stuff. All they told me was to wait until after the staff meeting when they'd "discuss what we wanted to do," and that I "wasn't fired…yet." Um…WHAT??? Another staff member came by a little later as I was about to leave and explained a little more about what was going on and why I had to go…and it turned out not to be that big a deal, but I was like, ok, why couldn't you just say that the first time? Everywhere you go there are people on power trips that enjoy the drama of making life stressful for others. If you're just part-time like me, you're the one who gets trampled on. Luckily I have friends where it counts, and once rational minds take over they realize I'm not the kind of person who'd do what I was being accused of.

When it comes to work relationships, I'm actually GLAD things like this happen--obviously not WHEN it happens, but later on. It's a sobering reminder that nothing is ever permanent. I think we do less effective work when we're allowed to get too comfortable, and I'm a firm believer in keeping standards high.

Rather than letting the opinions of haters speak for me, I prefer to let the work I do speak for itself. My work isn't threatening to anyone…they just don't like my personality. They don't care to get to know me below the surface. And that's fine. Everyone has decisions to make. So rather than spend excessive amounts of time vis-a-vis with people, I just prefer to show up for gigs, teach private lessons, post stuff on youtube, or whatever, and people can either buy into it or not. I'm not going to waste time pleasing everyone when I could be doing something productive.

***NOTE: I'm a musician, so a large degree of my livelihood depends on what people think…I'm well aware of that. It just happens that a lot of people enjoy the way I play piano and other instruments. I only talk about it if people are paying me to talk about it. I'm also working on releasing some albums in the next year, and one of my goals is to enlist focus groups in helping me make decisions as to what should go on the albums and what would make for the best crowd-pleasing performances. So there's a time and place for relying on people's opinions when it comes to providing services and marketing a product.

When you look at what people think of you, you have to distinguish between personal taste/preferences and hate. If you're not hiring me for gigs or buying my CDs, is it because you're jealous that I'm moderately successful at it, my wife is hotter than your wife, or my kids are better-behaved than your kids? Or is it because I really do suck? If it's because I suck, then enlighten me so I can do a good job for the next guy. If you just don't like ME and you're never going to like me, or it's because you simply thrive on the drama, then no, I really don't care what you have to say.

On that note…it's self-evident I do good work, so I don't worry about people trashing my reputation. Confront me with it, I'll be, like, ok, where's the evidence I did/said XYZ? One person got pissed off at me for something I had no control over or had nothing to do with, so you're going to base your decision on hearsay? Whatever… The thing is, rumors aren't enough to blackball you in the arena of public opinion. If anything, negative publicity is just another way of getting attention. So, yeah…let the haters keep on hating. People will show up to see what all the fuss is about, and once they figure out, hey, this guy is AWESOME, they're not going to listen to the haters anymore.

If you REALLY ARE an @$$hole, that's a completely different story...



Bodyles
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17 Apr 2014, 8:34 am

I'm not really sure why people care so much about what others think of them.
For the most part I'm fairly indifferent about what people think of me.

I know who & what I am, and I'm ok with it.
If people like it, that's wonderful.
If not, no skin off my back.

I'm arrogant, I talk too much, I have trouble doing productive things, I have poor personal care skills, I often look unkempt & am often unbathed, and I'm overly argumentative.
I'm also intelligent, hard working, caring, inquisitive, unafraid of being wrong & learning new things, and generally kind & generous.

There's more, both good and bad, but the point is that since I know & accept myself, it doesn't matter to me what others think.
Hasn't for pretty much my whole life.
At first, it was just that I never really considered it.
Then there was a short time that I did and it bothered me a bit and I tried to change who I was, but then I quickly realized that I am who I am and as long as I'm being the best me I can I don't really give a damn what anyone else thinks of me.
After all, it's not like they tell me, I can't read their minds, and for the most part allistic peope are so caught up in worrying about their own crap (like what other people are thinking about them) that I'm not, for the most part, important enough for them to really notice or care about enough to bother thinking about.
Moreover, I don't really care enough about most of them to even try to speculate.
Even when I do find out that people have unflattering opinions which make them act in less than positive ways towards me, my response is pretty much: f 'em if it bothers them, it's kind of funny that they'd get all bent of shape over little ol' unimportant me. :roll:
It's not like I'm going to start feeling bad about myself just because other people can't accept me, I just find it kind of funny.
After all, what's more amusing than some norms all offended at the unshaven guy in the bunwashed t-shirt & ratty jeans who's perfectly comfortable & doesn't know or care that he's bothering them by not fitting in?

I mean, like anyone there are a few people whose opinions I do care about & value, but to some large extent that's because they accept me for who I am, and try to help me be a better person, not because I'm overly concerned about their opinion of me, though. :roll:



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17 Apr 2014, 9:08 am

I care what other people think of me. It's something I can actually relate to NTs about, because when I talk to Aspies on WP about it, I'm more likely to get the same answer ''if you don't want to act and do boring 'normal' things then don't, who cares what they think?'' But to some of us it isn't as easy as that. I probably don't lack TOM and I am sensitive to other people's feelings and thoughts.


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17 Apr 2014, 9:41 am

I find it very hard to not care at all what others think. I care at least a little. Every now and then I don't but that is not very often.


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17 Apr 2014, 10:01 am

I go through every day trying to force myself to blend in with NT people as much as possible. When people see me they just see a hard-working, somewhat introverted guy. When I am around other people I hate myself for not being able to just talk to them. I think "they probably think I am weird". Although in my experience it is just a personal thing. Lot's of people tried to be my friend and were always nice to me, but I just didn't have the time of day for them.


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