Is it possible not to care what other people think?

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I don' know about that; I aim to do good not because I'm looking for people to love me over it, but because I believe in what I'm doing.

I can certainly hope they'll like me, but I don't really lose sleep over it if they don't.

Case in point: very recently, my room-mate recently stopped into a well-known retailer in our parts to talk to the former best friend of my now ex-girlfriend; he asked what her schedule was because he probably wanted to come back in and chat or something (whenever he was in town during his work schedule, he liked going there, anyway).

Well, lo and behold, the day she told him that she was there...my ex stopped in. The girl got really mad, and defriended he, I, and everyone who she thought might've been associated with my ex on Facebook.

My room-mate went back in shortly thereafter, and apologized for the misunderstanding; he doesn't talk to my ex (so she wouldn't have gotten the girl's schedule from him, anyway; he wouldn't have given it to her, even if he did), and he honestly had no idea she'd just happen to show up that day.

She was totally ok with it, and even gave him her phone number to keep in touch.

So I tried refriending her on FB....and she deleted my friend request.

Take note: I did nothing to her, whatsoever. I tried to offer support to she and her boyfriend ,and even asked her for some advice once in a blue moon.

For whatever reason, she removed me, and that was that. And then....she re-added my ex's best friend. So...yea, I think I have an idea of how all this went down.

I, shortly before this, told my room-mate the following: "Now, after work I stopped at **** to see if they had anything good; as I was leaving I passed by (her), and just greeted her. No, I didn't ask if she was gonna refriend me or anything. I decided not to bother. I'm not gonna chase after her. If she wants to be friends, we can be friends; same reason I haven't actively pursued our co-worker **** after he never re-added me. I will say she did seem considerably mentally preoccupied with something."

I tried re-adding her once more, just for the hell of it, shortly before I saw she re-added my ex's best friend, then I just deleted my request, and left it at that.

I tried to do good, and for reasons that were out of my control, it was rejected.

I can't help what she thinks of me, especially considering I had nothing to do with whatever happened.

I think it's massively unfortunate that it happened, but it's not like we were close anyway; I do hope whatever she's dealing with now, it works out in her favor, and she's happy in whatever she does.

And that's all I can do.

That is also true for me.

I don't know if not caring is possible in someone without full-blown autism or a mental illness, I think people strive to care less as they get older. I heard that aspies generally crave acceptance, and being borderline NT emotionally, combined with my own experiences, I will always care at a subconscious level, and will require a life long effort to not care as much, I don't believe anyone can completely erase a subconscious schema they developed during childhood.

There's a fine line between caring for other's people's needs, having respect for other human beings as such, and being so utterly preoccupied with the opinions others have of you (which you may/may not have any control over) that you let the hate and contempt they have towards you and what you do destroy all the good that you have. If I'm doing something as a service to others and my livelihood depends on how well they show their appreciation for what I do, then yes, I should be concerned with what they think because I want to teach/help/entertain them. I want to do good work, I want to sell things I've made, and I can't do good work or sell products if I'm not at all concerned with what it is people want or need. I'm not a jerk and I don't want to be a jerk to other people. I'm willing to accept feedback from people who I know I can trust to tell me if I'm being a jerk and kindly remind me not to do whatever anymore. But that's accepting that people I know and trust want to help me just like I'd want to help others.

There are other people who hate me, hate what I do, and they'll say I'm a jerk no matter how hard I try to please them. I don't know if it's their own insecurities they're dealing with, tendencies towards contemptuous attitudes for people who are a bit "different," jealousy, or what, but I know I cannot help them and I don't waste my time trying. Haters gonna hate. I don't let that bother me.

I believe in being a good person, and doing good things for other people, though admittedly a lot of this is because people used to praise me and do good things for me when I was younger, and I often feel that I haven't given back as much as I have received, like I have a debt to pay of sorts. When I was younger I didn't care so much and I almost sort of expected people to put me on a pedestal, but then I eventually realized that things don't work that way. I often feel quite down on myself for not doing enough good things, for not being generous enough, for not being enough of a "hero", etc, despite the fact that people say that I'm too generous sometimes and that I let myself be a doormat.

It depends on what you mean by caring. You can be aware of what people think without having that affect your mood or anything. I think that's where the line should be.

I don't care what others think about my differences and my AS, but I do care whether people think I'm a sweet, caring person or not.

Sure I care about what other people think of me. But I have learned there are often bigger priorities. A big one is not destroying myself, which I would do if I tried to please everybody. On the other hand totally not trying to please people would make my life excruciatingly difficult. .