Obsession with women I hardly know?

Post Reply New Topic

Ever since junior high school...no earlier elementary- I've become obsessed with one women at a time and the obsession is so severe that it's nearly all I can/do think about. It seems to vary in length depending upon whether I've actually made contact (usually over the stupid internet) but when I was younger it was simply seeing a girl regularly that would set off this obsession. I'm very shy and have very low self esteem because of my current situation (no job, on disability, little experience in relationships, and abuse as a kid/young adult) so even if I do make contact via the interwebs I soon shy away and even a small hint of dislike (overstated in my mind) will lead me to shy away, usually I have to drink or take some sort of social lubricant in order to get to that contact point. If I don't I am so obsessed, overloaded when I actually see the girl that speaking is nearly impossible. Coupled with the fact that I am religious and go for religious women this leans towards us or just me not having a drink even if we were to go on a date. Anyways...currently in one of these phases...it's not infatuation...well maybe it is but it's just more intense with aspies? My infatuations can last years...and the fact that nothing ever comes of it makes me loath myself. (Seems to become mix of "special interest" (never got what's so special about it) and infatuation.) How do other aspies deal with this obsession with the idea of a relationship with someone for a long time that never comes to fruition? In my current state I don't think she would accept my reality currently but thus far have had little success in changing it. I don't blame her, it would be a reasonable conclusion to not date someone on disability if you have plans to make a family and get married because they could not support children or the two of you. Also I notice that women seem to lose this flame as you might call it quickly, and seeing as how my contact with them during this obsession can be months at a time in between (currently and in the recent past) online talks don't seem to have the same weight in the other persons imagination. I'm training myself on the regular with electronics, art, writing, and other skills to try and make myself more hireable but it seems to be a losing battle. This obsession interferes with my ability to concentrate, and in my mind I fall in love with these women yet logically I know that I don't know this person nor can the love be real given that reality.

Well I am employed full time but otherwise I can completely relate. I am monogamous to a fault in that I focus on one and only one woman at a time and UTTERLY obsess over them. Even when I wasn't that interested in dating I still used to become obsessed with a girl and of course it never worked out. The only relationship happened because I initially had NO INTEREST in the girl and couldn't care less if we had a relationship after date 1.

All I can suggest is to surround yourself with women by say helping out in areas where women congregate like church and realize there are tonnes of women around. Easier said than done but by getting comfortable and not investing in the outcome you will be much more relaxed and will be able to naturally start a conversation that may lead to something greater.

I wouldn't call it obsession but I do get crushes on random people I see when I sometimes to go outside. I think it's easier that way. You can project on to someone you don't know and they become an ideal rather than a person.

Happened again sort of....twice.

I went to a church because I was talking to a girl that went there and she had said there was a winter retreat. We share similar faith and so I thought she might make a good girl friend/eventual wife etc....only problem is that she never told me she is in a serious relationship and was never intending to give off any intimate vibes....but any conversation I have with a pretty women is intimate in my mind...not sure I can help but leap to conclusions. Anyways....was pretty uncomfortable at the youth group meeting at the church as I didn't know anyone there except the pastor and the girl. The girl was very busy and seemed to avoid me primarily. I told the pastor on facebook my dilema on going on the retreat and that is when I found out that she was in a serious relationship. So I did not go on that retreat....but she said she was not trying to give off that "vibe" not sure what that means.

Second time....Girl I wrote a love letter to in 10th grade but she never responded. I added her on facebook she told me she never got that letter but it was very courageous of me to write it and that she didn't know how to use facebook very well at the time ...have been adding girls who I went to school with in the hopes something would spark. So I thought something had....we had been talking...she gave me her phone number etc...we both love similar music. Seemed like a perfect match, so then she invited me to a concert she was singing at, (I've heard her sing before and she has the voice of an angel...and could win american idol pretty easily IMO....or any of those other singing shows) I got lost on my way so ended up jogging around seattle and kept asking for directions....finally arrived 30 minutes late. (I don't like to be late....I am very punctual about timing) I listened to the second half of her singing which was awesome as always. So afterward she gave me a hug and said she was glad I came (all good signs right?-Wrong!) So I sat in the back and let her know I was taking a seat in the back away from the crowd of people that wanted to talk to her. Eventually when she was done talking to all of these people she hugged me again and we chatted a bit...everything was good until she started talking about another girl and casually slipped in there that she had a boyfriend. I began to have a shut down...I said good bye not quickly but tried to keep it sane or normal.....and that I had to get to the ferry. Didn't want to take the bus again and get lost. Anyways I got lost regardless and missed my ferry....next ferry was late in the morning....so I was left to wander the streets of seattle where I met a friendly person who turned out to be a thief and he robbed me blind. (watch, 2mp3 players, my medication, my headphones) I don't think I'll be going back to seattle again any time soon.

When I got back to my home town I texted her and asked her if she was serious with her boyfriend? She said she was in love with him etc...and was sorry we couldn't be more

So...I was pretty angry when I had the shutdown and again when I asked her how serious it was....

Needless to say her I sent her some odd text messages I guess we will say...angry/depressed/I dunno how to describe them. She never answered until the next day basically saying the same thing..but that we could be friends.

And I think I would like to be friends with her but every time I try to talk to her I get tears in my eyes knowing she cannot be more. (hopeless romantic) She hasn't responded to any of my recent texts or facebook messages or posts so I dunnno what that means....probably tired of hearing from me.

Anyways....people on another forum are saying stop looking for love and it will find you. Maybe that is the case...but hard to get either girl but mostly the second one out of my mind because where am I going to find a girl that has taste in music like me that can sing and is that beautiful?

What should I do now?