Main Differences with AS between Girls and Boys???

Page 3 of 4 [ 52 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4  Next

Thera
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 10 Apr 2014
Gender: Female
Posts: 5

25 Apr 2014, 8:27 am

On the topic of AS women and dating... AS women can and do get approached by men, but sometimes lack the ability to intuit his true intentions. This is hard enough for NT women, but for AS women, but results can be devastating.

My mother (who is AS) was gravely taken advantage of by a man who desperately needed a green card. When he figured out he could get one elsewhere, he left my mom (pregnant) at the altar. Well, actually, he left a note on the dining room table the night before the wedding saying he was taking off. I asked my mom whether or not she ever felt their love was "real." She thought he was attractive and charming and felt so much pressure (this was in the 70's) to get married -- and she was already 37, never having had much of a boyfriend by that point -- that she decided to go for it. But I don't think she knew what to look for in a relationship. If it looked good on paper, then it was probably good enough. She had no notion of how to perceive true intimacy.

Her family had never heard of AS so they weren't very protective of her, thought she could make her own decisions. Plus, they liked the guy and they were so relieved she was finally going to settle down.

The only person who took her aside with their concerns was my mom's only female friend (her mother hen friend) that she's had since college. She knew right away that my dad was bad news. My mom's mother hen friend has been her protector for 50 years now and I am so grateful for her. Over the years she has also developed a friendship with a couple who have "mothered" her as well. They have included my mom in their social circle and always invite her on trips and to parties and she is the happiest she has ever been.

She never dated another guy, before or after my dad.



Acedia
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 26 Feb 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 489

27 Apr 2014, 8:01 pm

ASPartOfMe wrote:
why could not the stereotypical female autistic use her hyperfocus/attention to detail to mimic well enough to pass as NT? Be it they are born that way or culture or both there is plenty of evidence of gender differences.


Because autism is a condition that affects social cognition. Even if you are a good mimic, you need a good grasp of how to navigate the social world and apply those behaviours correctly and appropriately.



ZombieBrideXD
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jan 2013
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,507
Location: Canada

27 Apr 2014, 8:06 pm

Saying aspergers shouldn't present itself differently in genders is like saying it shouldnt present itself differently in a individual.

many people on WP are protesting the fact that they dont have All the symptoms of ASD but still fit the criteria.

i believe girls do and can Present differently, but not all girls do.

ASD is EXTREMELY Varied beyond people.


_________________
Obsessing over Sonic the Hedgehog since 2009
Diagnosed with Aspergers' syndrome in 2012.
Diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder Level 1 severity without intellectual disability and without language impairment in 2015.

DA: http://mephilesdark123.deviantart.com


skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2013
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,295
Location: my own little world

27 Apr 2014, 10:44 pm

ZombieBrideXD wrote:
Saying aspergers shouldn't present itself differently in genders is like saying it shouldnt present itself differently in a individual.

many people on WP are protesting the fact that they dont have All the symptoms of ASD but still fit the criteria.

i believe girls do and can Present differently, but not all girls do.

ASD is EXTREMELY Varied beyond people.
I agree with this.


_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph


daydreamer84
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jul 2009
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,001
Location: My own little world

28 Apr 2014, 12:35 am

^^^
Right. The questions are whether on average girls present differently than boys, how differently they tend to present with the same condition and in what ways does their presentation tend to differ.



goldfish21
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Feb 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,490
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada

28 Apr 2014, 2:13 am

Genitalia.


_________________
No :heart: for supporting trump. Because doing so is deplorable.


mrspotatohead
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 307

28 Apr 2014, 2:27 am

most of my "imitation" was actually arrived at through grueling amounts of trial and error. I often still think that I am conveying a message in a way I've seen others do only to find out that nobody understands it at all. The sarcastic tone, for instance, took years to get down, and I still screw it up pretty frequently.
I have had to explain to my husband a few times recently why I don't make much eye contact/look at people's faces often... because seeing facial expressions I don't understand while I'm trying to talk almost always derails my train of thought. It's either talk or look, not both.
As for meeting guys... I'd rather I hadn't met many of them because some took advantage of my inability to read people's intentions. On the other hand, there is something to be said for how uncomplicated I am compared to other, "normal" women, at least at face value; I am pretty much incapable of being passive aggressive, for instance, which is something most men hate about "normal" women (I hate it too, actually). For those few guys who weren't taking advantage of me, I think my directness was refreshing enough to make up for the inappropriateness that went with it.
I was very lucky to meet my husband, of course -- but from the moment I met him, he saw how awkward I am and chose to accept me anyway.
I do feel for (straight) men with ASD, not because they are worse off socially than women, which they aren't, but because "normal" women are just so hard to understand and engage with compared to men.