Trans people: Never rely on another trans person for support

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beneficii
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23 May 2014, 10:36 pm

cubeyz wrote:
beneficii wrote:
What we've got here in the States is the vast majority of third party payers who refuse to view any sort of transition treatment as legitimate. This includes Medicare, the public health plan for those 65 and over, those who have been collecting Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) for at least 2 years (but not those collecting Supplemental Security Income (SSI)), and those who have a couple of specific illnesses in specific stages; Medicaid in every state except California (and also except for Medicaid in the District of Columbia), a federally funded state-administered health plan which in about half the states covers those who are disabled, women who are pregnant and living in poverty, and families with children living in poverty and in the other half covers everyone whose annual income is at most 138% of the Federal Poverty Level (FPL); employer-provided insurance plans except for about 25% of the Fortune 500 companies (and perhaps a few others); and private insurance plans sold on the state exchanges in all but 5 or 6 states and the District of Columbia. If you can't pay it all up front, then you don't get it most of the time.


That all sounds so confusing. @[email protected];

But I am easy to confuse...


Basically, the message is this: Be grateful you have an NHS that is legally obligated to provide equal care and cannot discriminate against diagnoses (as in the 1999 U.K. court ruling that first required the NHS to cover hormones and GRS for gender dysphoria). America's a gyp. The health reform was a gyp. Everything's a gyp in America. This country deserves nothing less than utter destruction.


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JohnnyC
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15 Nov 2014, 11:16 pm

Prism wrote:
beneficii wrote:
BTW, my psychologist agreed that those trans forums are very unhealthy places and I should avoid them in the future. He says advice should only be given *after* you know the person and their situation; and that when I asked for support only, when a member responded saying "You expect us to give you unquestioning support?" that showed true nastiness; because the user was not disciplined for that statement, it shows just how unhealthy a place lauras-playground.com is.


Yeah, if only there was a friendlier place online for support huh? I've yet to have found that anywhere. Just people telling you how you should live your life and that you should be happy like this person, etc. It's to the point that I don't think anyone really has empathy in this world and it's all just really shells of nastiness with only tiny points of light here and there, kinda like the night sky with stars in it... only with fewer stars. It sucks that you have to look everywhere for only a few people who have true compassion. For me, there is this one girl on deviantart whom constantly expresses her wish for me not to commit suicide, and she's in a worse condition then me, she's quadraplegic so you would think she has her own yep john problems to deal with. Despite all my negative thoughts, she continues to support me when she can, choosing to constantly respond to my PMs despite this. She drew me pictures of me in my desired forms with her etc. too. None of this she didn't have to do especially in her condition where she can barely draw without difficulty, and yet she's been doing this with me for like almost three years and still she calls me the pure one. And what touched me even more, she wanted me to let her know if I was going to commit suicide rather then me just leaving without her knowing, leaving her up to more sadness she would rather bear. If you ever watched .hack//sign, I often compare me and her to Tsukasa and Tsubaru, the similarities are uncanny.

Anyways, sorry I got a bit off topic there, she matters quite a bit to me. What I was trying to say, is thankfully there are extreme polar opposites in this world online as well... it's part of what keeps me alive.



KA1978
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29 Jun 2015, 2:12 pm

I understand you didn't get the response you may have needed or wanted, but making vast generalizations about all trans people isn't really going to aid the situation. Perhaps, it will momentarily make you personally feel better, but in the long run it is a kind of absolutism that leads to nothing but self-fulfilling prophecy. If you alienate others, then they can't alienate you...but don't be mistaken, you are still alienated. Goading might have made you feel like you were in control of the situation, but burning bridges rarely creates a path that leads anywhere. Perhaps you should assess your own expectations of others, and in so doing so ask yourself if they were mutually agreed upon expectations. Assuming that everyone else in the world should always adhere to your unspoken expectations will probably not work out so well for you. As someone on the spectrum, I understand the tendency or propensity towards black and white thinking, and it is a daily struggle for me to challenge my own black and white thoughts about the world...but it is worth it for nothing other than being able to see the world as a more complex and interesting place. Generalization leads to very bad things, like racism, fascism and many other forms of hate. Perhaps you were merely upset in the moment, but the moment has past and this thread still has the name of your rage for longevity and I don't really appreciate it. You could name your next thread "Never rely on a jewish, gay, black, poor...person for support the results would still be the same.



Sweetleaf
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29 Jun 2015, 2:20 pm

beneficii wrote:
They can't give it to you. At best, they will give you rash, belittling advice that they expect you to follow to the letter, even if it leads you down a dead end.



At it again? trying to paint all trans people as terrible, mean spirited individuals...I see. I still have to wonder why, the way it sounds there might be one decent trans person in the world and they should immediately develop disdain, distrust, dislike and an urge to avoid of fellow trans individuals since none of them are supportive and all of them only give rash, belittling advice. Or am i over-estimating and there's actually zero trans people who are decent individuals?


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Sweetleaf
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29 Jun 2015, 2:26 pm

beneficii wrote:
I told them that I had received an initial denial for SRS and then all hell broke loose. Immediately, I was bombarded with posts saying, "Well, you didn't get a proper diagnosis," "Well, you didn't bother to get the two letters," "Had you done all of this then for sure you would have won initial approval." I defended myself, saying that I did do all the legwork and that I had expected that I would probably receive an initial denial anyway, but they would not hear it. The admin then stepped in, saying, "You have to remember that other people exist, too, and that they have their own opinions. You don't have to get so defensive." They then started to imply that I was lying when I said that my endo was billing my insurance for 302.85 Gender Identity Disorder and the claims were getting approved, saying, "You know, if you had bothered to read the plan documents," which I had, with the farking lawyer at the TLDEF I was working with.

I then asked them to stop giving me all this poisonous "advice," and to just show support, but another poster came in saying, "What? So you expect us to give you unquestioned support? Do you think I'm supposed to just trust what you said happened with the insurance company?" After that, I was suspended. I saw I had 2 new PMs, but because I was suspended I could not read them. I emailed the forum director to send the 2 PMs, but she refused and told me that I "obviously feel that any suggestions other than [my] own thoughts are invalid and not to be considered." She continued, "Well, so be it. It's obvious that you do need help and I would urge you seek out some serious psychiatric help," so I goaded her into permabanning me, because I was tired of her s**t.

The forum in question by the way is at lauras-playground.com. The thread in question is in the Transsexual/Transgender Surgeries thread, if you want to check it out (assuming it's still there). (My username there was Erika_1984.) Apparently, that website is a total farking cesspool with arrogant people who give "advice" when they barely even know your situation and seem to often disbelieve your reports of it and then demand that you give their uninformed advice equal weight to those of the people who actually know your situation. You are not permitted to ask for only support, but not unsolicited advice, apparently.

Those people can go burn in f*****g hell.

BTW, I'm also getting ready to go to the lauras-playground.com chat (which I can still access) and fry the chat moderator who suggested that I join the forum in the first place, as soon as I see he is online. By doing so, he put me through a totally unnecessary gauntlet of stress and arrogance, which marks all my interactions with the poisonous trans community.



I was on a PTSD forum once and ended up getting kind of similar treatment, very condescending site...and you basically weren't even allowed to question or criticize any rules or any actions the mods took. They'd berate people for making kind of choppy posts without perfect grammar and spelling even in the section dedicated to posting when you're really stressed out anyway just not a very healthy place. Yet I don't go around trying to paint all people with PTSD as well as all mental health people who work with them as terrible, mean people that was a toxic website...hardly represents the whole PTSD community. Somehow i am thinking this is more about a toxic site you where on with toxic people, not a sign that every other trans person in the world is a terrible, mean spirited person that will bully you. There are probably others who have similar issues with running into toxic people within the community or whatever.


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Fugu
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29 Jun 2015, 3:32 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
beneficii wrote:
They can't give it to you. At best, they will give you rash, belittling advice that they expect you to follow to the letter, even if it leads you down a dead end.



At it again? trying to paint all trans people as terrible, mean spirited individuals...I see. I still have to wonder why, the way it sounds there might be one decent trans person in the world and they should immediately develop disdain, distrust, dislike and an urge to avoid of fellow trans individuals since none of them are supportive and all of them only give rash, belittling advice. Or am i over-estimating and there's actually zero trans people who are decent individuals?
the site he(apologies if i'm misgendering you beneficii) linked was reminiscent of your average 2001 geocities site, so probably not a healthy community for them to be in.



Booyakasha
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03 Jul 2015, 11:14 am

bumping up old threads in order to provoke other members is against the rules.


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