Crisis with my son and his gf.

Post Reply New Topic

I wouldn't mind living in that cottage depicted as your icon.

It's strange...in general, I think you think I am too "helicopter" with my kids and I think you are too uninvolved.

Yet here we have an instance in which I would absolutely 100% stay out of, and you see it as a crisis!

That isn't a judgment...simply an observation.

I am confused by your request because I think what you are describing is normal 19 year old stuff to work through. I think it is typical for some girls to get overly focused on stuff like this, and I think it is typical for guys not to know what to make of it/do about it. From my experience with the guido culture (not limited but not extensive either), it seems like this is even more typical. And if there isn't a large guido culture where you live, this girl may be trying to take her cues from tv shows, so maybe she thinks she is doing the "right" thing by focusing on it so much.

I think they need to work this out for themselves, and I personally don't think it is a crisis. I understand they love each other and you think it is a good fit, but I loved my bf at that age, too, and we seemed to be a good fit, but it was not a forever thing, although I think we both learned an awful lot about who were really were and what we really wanted in a relationship. It's part of growing up and finding a suitable mate.

JMO, of course.

I guess I see it as a crisis because she's his first gf and he's so in love with her that I don't want him to have a bad experience. And she's SO GOOD FOR HIM that I don't want to see this messed up. He just gets tired of the constant reminders about "Oh, thats so Guido" and "Oh, you could be on Jersey Shore" (she actually means that as a compliment) He's had girls throw themselves at him and he's just ignored them or got pissed off because of it (IKR? WTF!) but he fell for her and he wants to stay with her. He's protective of her and he also listens to her an all that, but he wants me to talk to her about that. I think I'm going to tell her that we know we are Italian and that Italians don't constantly like to be told how Italian they are, except maybe by other Italians (she's Irish). I told her I would help her plan the Italian wedding she wants and I promised to sponsor her when she converts to Catholicism so they can have the church wedding (my son and she are athiests and I'm a Druid but we are Catholic on paper in this family)

She's really good for him. She makes him eat green food and won't let him throw it up after because he hates green food. When he goes overboard about things she tells him to chill that he's being a drama queen or a titty baby and he listens to her. She's told him he has to get a real job and his GED. He's going to do it. She's made him quit selling weed. (She's on probation and if they are out somewhere and he's caught with it, she will go back to jail) She's told him "I'm not gonna just sit here and let you throw your life away. Get up and do something with it" and he actually is!

She cooks, she cleans she even freaking canns vegetables! She's little Suzy homemaker there and she doesn't take s**t from anybody. And to top it off, me and her are friends. She likes to hang out with me, which upsets him because he thinks I might be a bad influence on her, but I'm not. But it's the constant talk about how Guido he is that upsets him. It's making him self conscious. Yesterday he didn't even blowdry his hair because she always comments on how Guido it is. I'm afraid he's taking it as an insult even though he always says he's a Guido. Now, she wants to be a Guidette. She cannot be one. She is Irish. It's impossible. Her idea of it is high heel sparkle boots, short shorts, and a tight tshirt and lots of eyeliner. She let me dress her and do her hair and makeup once and he really liked it but she was self conscious about it. I blinged her out and I thought she looked good, he thought so, the kids thought so and my husband thought so, but she felt self conscious. Yes she doesn't feel self conscious dressing like Dog the bounty hunters wife.

She calms him down good too. The other day Vann came over. He hates Vann and wants to kill him. He grabbed this pipe bender and was going to hit him with it but she took it away from him and told him sit down and Vann go home. Vann left. He hates Vann cause Vann doesn't pay child support to his baby mama and he also used to make fun of the special kids in school. My son's beat Vanns ass a few times for it and once broke his jaw. My son is very anti bullying. His thing is beating the crap out of bullies. She's for that but not for hitting them with pipe benders cause thats attempted murder and even though his Uncle Bruce is right up here in the prison, he don't need to go there. Vann also stole and sold my husbands Alabama Football watch his mother got him.

She don't let him hang out with boys he shouldn't either. Like Trent. Trent is a meth head now. I've known Trent since they were little. But now he's a meth head like his mama, got some girl knocked up and is a half ass baby daddy and has a job taking out the garbage at CVS. He is not allowed to come here because I run him off, but sometimes when they are out Trent will try and talk to my son and she runs him off then too. She's fine with Jon, his best friend (who is living with my younger daughters best friend Brittany who looks Asian but isn't) and she's fine with Larry the really, really tall guy, and Landon ole boys son who is the ultimate alpha male jock but who is very protective of me and my family, so he does have other boys he hangs around with. She's made him fix up their room.

So, overall she's great, but she just needs to shutup about the Guido s**t. I'm going to have to tell her that myself. "Haley please stop mentioning how much of a Guido he is" should do it. I'm going to tell her to compliment him and say he's good looking and not say the G word. She is ok with being told how things are. She was one of the people who sat in and talked in my suicide friends intervention when I had her over here about that. It obviously didn't work. She went to rehab, got out and was self righteous sober for two weeks then got drunk, totalled the camaro, ran over and killed a black guy then ran from the cops. Her husband smoothed it over (he's a cop) but she shot herself the next day while they were at church. The son's gf told her some home truths, like "you can't get drunk in the morning, nobody likes that, save it for at night."

Anyway, I'm gonna talk to her today.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

OOM, based upon your description of your son's gf both you and her seem to have similar personalities. There is a saying that a man will most likely marry his mother, not literally of course. The man will marry someone with a similar personality.

Insert "sexy" or "hot" instead of "Guido" and since they all mean the same thing to her, it would probably be easier for her to swallow.